


Symphony Of The Mind

by d3stin0



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:35:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 76,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24056035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/d3stin0/pseuds/d3stin0
Summary: So much universe, so little time
Relationships: Sigma | Siebren de Kuiper/OC
Comments: 34
Kudos: 24





	1. Welcome To Talon

**Author's Note:**

> This fic takes place during the events of Overwatch but will bounce back and forth for flashbacks and what not. I'll do my best to keep things within canon, but with how little lore we get, there's bound to be errors later down the line. This is simply my own interpretation of things. Welcome to the Thunder Dome.

_ July 30th, 2065 Havana, Cuba _

The Omnic Crisis, the greatest global conflict in mankind’s history, had shifted the tides of humanity’s course. For some, it broadened the horizons for new relationships and partnerships- humans and omnics coming together as one to rebuild the foundation of society as they saw fit. For others, however, it blew the embers for public unrest and determent from the new found Omnic rights movement. Xev sat somewhere in the middle of everything. Sure, he lost his home and his parents to the crisis, but he didn’t exactly foster any profound hatred for Omnics. Not all of them, at least. But he couldn’t deny the fact it had changed him in a number of ways, ways he wouldn’t admit to anyone any time soon.

He didn’t feel safe, to put it simply. There was an ever hanging dark cloud of doubt that no matter how much he drank, how much he fought, it would never go away. There could come a time when the Omnics would rise up once more and there would be a need for protection, security. And without Overwatch to protect the people, it was every man for himself.

Havana was the designated meeting place. Why, the young mercenary couldn’t say, but he certainly wasn’t complaining- not when all travel expenses were paid by an “anonymous” source. That, and he had never been to Havana before. The restaurant was elegant, if not a little gaudy for Xev’s tastes. Glass chandeliers hung delicately from the ceiling at various points in the room, but all the tables were empty. A slow, temperate melody filled the room courtesy of the performing omnic at the piano in the back. If the model were anything to go by, it was simply a performing AI and nothing more. Fewer eyes and ears were the breeding ground for business dealings such as these.

Dressed in a deep maroon button up, suit jacket, and black slacks, Xev casually made his way to the bar where a strong jawed man stood with a glass in hand. One look told him that he wasn’t just a bartender. “What’ll you have?” The man asked gruffly, shooting a suspicious glare to Xev. Leaning against the dark cherry wood bar top, Xev rested his arms and met the man’s gaze. “Cuban Ginger. Easy on the ice.”

The bartender didn’t make for any of the bottles meticulously displayed on the crystal shelves. Instead, he put his glass he had been cleaning down and threw his head in the direction of a staircase that lead to an upstairs balcony area. He didn’t need to be told to follow. At the top of the stairs, the man made his way over to a door and held it open. “Not a word leaves this room. Got it?”

“Loud and clear, hermano.” Xev said in passing, feeling the wind on his back as the door slammed shut behind him. There was a lone table in the middle of the dimly lit room, and sitting perfectly in the middle was Maximilien; to his right, the infamous masked murderer, Reaper. “Good evening, Mr. Kovock. I’m so glad you could make it.”

Xev quietly approached the table, glancing between the two and the few guards stationed around the room before taking his seat. At least now he knew this was legitimate and not some snot nosed shit trying to pull something over on him. “Thank you for your time. I’ve heard a good deal about you two, and your organization.”

“You seem pretty relaxed for someone so young. One would say even confident.” Maximilien commented, the deep robotic tone of his voice a little soothing. He didn’t seem as sinister as people made him out to be in the Underground, but Xev knew better than to trust a mask like this.    
  
“You could say that. I’m confident in my abilities to help your organization. Whether you take advantage of those abilities is entirely up to you.” Xev responded calmly, hooded eyes leveled at the Omnic and arms crossed at his chest. “I understand that you’re looking for someone to train your forces. But I find it hard to believe that Talon is wanting this badly. So that tells me two things.”

Holding up two fingers to illustrate his point, Xev continued. He knew from some of his informants that what he was about to reveal was mostly true, but it wasn’t a guarantee to get him a position to bargain. After all, he wasn’t sticking his neck out for this organization out of the kindness of his heart: Xev wanted money, and lots of it. He just had to prove that he was worth all the talk. “One, you’ve expanded considerably since the end of the Omnic Crisis. That either means you’re doing just fine, or you’re struggling to keep feet on the ground, so to speak. I’m willing to bet it’s the latter.” 

“And two, you lack the ability to keep your soldiers in line. Whether it’s out of fear or the sheer stubbornness of your recruits, you’re in deep and you need help. It’s not something you want to put your high ranking officers to. You need someone dependable, but worth the money you put in to them.”

Reaper growled in annoyance as the younger man finished. “And what would you know about all of that? You’re barely old enough to step on a battlefield. Why should I trust you to train the men who will be on the frontline for me?”   
  
Maximilien put up a hand to silence the masked man, earning another noise of frustration that Xev couldn’t quite place. “Reaper, he is our guest. Calm yourself. We are here to talk business, after all.” The Omnic leaned forward now, metallic fingers steepled together as he propped up his elbows on the table. “You’re well informed. Desperation, however, isn’t our motivation here. Talon is ever growing and as powerful as ever, but it never hurts to have more than we need. You would agree with that sentiment, yes?”

Xev shrugged. “That depends on the price.”

“Ah, I see. So you are a businessman after all.” Maximilien quipped, returning to his previous position with a flourish of his hand. “Perhaps we can come to an agreement then. I have no doubt of your abilities, Mr. Kovock. I’ve been informed of your many accomplishments as a mercenary. You’re very impressive for someone so young.”

“I’m prepared to bring you on as one of our general recruits under Reaper’s supervision, but I do have some conditions, you see.”

_Ah, there it was._ There was always a catch to these things, something Xev was all too familiar with at this point. “I don’t care about conditions. Just name your price and we’ll see if we have a deal.”

Waving his hand nonchalantly, Maximilien paid the comment no mind. “There’s no need to be hasty. We have all the time in the world to talk about that, but first, let me explain your position. First, you will be under Reaper’s supervision. You will do as he says without question and you will report to him exclusively.” Xev nodded, not wanting to argue with anything just yet.   
  
Maximilien continued. “Second, all of your operations are to remain top secret. No one is to know of your whereabouts unless you are given explicit permission to disclose such information.” Again, Xev nodded. There was no one who would worry about him anyway, so there was no risk there. “And finally, once your training is over, you will personally be responsible for your division’s performance. Any of their mistakes fall on your shoulders; And I don’t tolerate failure, Mr. Kovock.”

The three fell silent briefly, as if the omnic were giving the younger man a chance to weigh his options. As if he actually needed to consider it for more than a moment. But Xev didn’t come here and reveal his hand to just walk away. In fact, he was sure he couldn’t refuse if the guards at the door had anything to say about it. “And the price? What am I getting out of being a lap dog for one of your commanding officers?”

Humming in approval, the dark clad Omnic nodded. “A base salary of 2 million to start. Once you’re to our standards, I’ll gladly double it as a sign of good faith.”

And with a shake of the hand, the deal was struck. “ _Welcome to Talon, my friend._ ”


	2. Mission Over Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talon has their sights set for the Netherlands. Subject Sigma has been identified.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm adding this chapter now because the last chapter was so short and didn't really get to set up the world as much as I wanted. That and I thought I could set up future publish dates and it turns out you actually can't do that. So, enjoy.

_ January 23rd, 2072 Talon Headquarters, ??? _

“These men look a lot better than they did 4 months ago. It seems our favorite commander is exceeding expectations.” Moira commented languidly as she took notes from the screen she had been looking at. Reaper had graced her lab with his presence about an hour ago, clearly in a bad mood and not at all interested in the blatant teasing she was giving him. He was just supposed to have a “routine checkup” on his condition, not be subjugated to petty torment. “The punk’s good, but he’s cocky. He’d have been dead by now if-”

“If you didn’t take a liking to him?” Moira interrupted with a raised brow and a smirk on her face, chuckling as Reaper growled in frustration. “You did the same thing to Jesse all those years ago.” 

“Stop talking and finish what you’re doing. I have things to do.” Reaper snarled in response, slamming his fist down on the table in the process. “Between your smart mouth and this meeting, I’m liable to go on a rampage.”

Moira hummed, mismatched eyes not breaking from her notes. There was a tip off of a government cover up in the Netherlands, one that had the potential to elevate the fire power in Talon’s ranks. Unlike getting run of the mill mercenaries, Subject Sigma had even more potential than Widowmaker did. And that was saying something, coming from Moira. “I was briefed earlier. I was surprised that the Council wanted to move as quickly as they have. We aren’t even sure if we can handle something of this capacity.” 

“We’ll handle it, one way or another. Better it to be in our hands than the hands of someone else.” Reaper responded, crossing his arms at his chest. “Especially now with Overwatch trying to come back.”

“So you’ve heard. It appears Winston is nostalgic, don’t you think?” Moira asked, though she still didn’t shift her gaze from her notes. The return of Overwatch didn’t concern her much at all, especially since they knew that a majority of the members were wiped out. But it did bother Reaper to an unnatural degree. “More like insufferable. Just makes it easier for me to settle things when they’re all in one place.”

“For now, they aren’t my problem. My problem is getting these men ready to storm the Dutch government to get this idiot.”

Now Moira turned her full attention to him.“He’s hardly an idiot, Gabriel. Siebren de Kuiper is one of the world’s finest astrophyscists. He may be unstable at the moment, but his powers are certainly fascinating.”

Scoffing, Reaper rolled his neck.“It doesn’t matter what he was, Moira. He’s a freak and he’s useful. That’s it. Besides, what Akande says goes.”

“Speaking of Akande, where was he this morning? Maximilien usually doesn’t fill in for him if he’s around.” Come to think of it, they hadn’t seen much of The Successor since his return from Italy. It wasn’t exactly unusual, per say, but he should have at least made an appearance for such an important meeting. Reaper shrugged. “Beats me. Not like it matters. He won’t be coming on this mission.”

“I could have guessed that. It wouldn’t be wise for a newly freed fugitive of the law to go waltzing into the lion’s den. I’m sure the Numbani government would pay a hefty price for his head these days.”   
  
Now Reaper pushed himself up from the counter he had been leaning on. “I assume everything’s fine for me to leave now?”

“Yes. Your condition is stable, Gabriel.”

\--

The training was going relatively well, all things considering. The group in question, SEED 079, was a mixed bag of new recruits and veterans. It wasn’t something Xev was used to but they at least listened well enough that their improvements were noticeable within the past month. He wasn’t exactly proud- no that was too generous, but he was pleased. It was one less thing Reaper would bitch at him over at least. 

“Alright, hit the showers. I’ve tortured y’all enough.” Xev yelled as the majority of the men came to a halt. The half smiles between heavy breaths were a familiar sight. They were tired, for sure, and they were more than happy to drop everything and have the rest of the evening to themselves. He really couldn’t blame them, honestly. Watching them struggle made him tired after all.

“You must be Commander Kovock, I take it?” A deep, methodical voice came from Xev’s left, catching him off guard. Turning his head, he met the gaze of the new found leader of Talon: Akande Ogundimu, or Doomfist. He looked to be about the same age as Xev but clearly spent a lot of time in prison working out. Something had to support that massive gauntlet, Xev supposed.

“Should I call you Mr. Ogundimu or do you prefer Doomfist?” Xev asked as he tucked his arms behind his back and stood at attention. There was no telling how much he could get away with with Akande, and he’d rather not push his luck with someone of his reputation. Akande waved his hand. “Doomfist on the field, Akande when we’re between missions. I’ve heard a good deal about you from Maximilien and Reaper. You’ve trained these men well.”

“Thanks. I know they’ll do well, if they know what’s good for them.” Xev responded promptly, eyes never leaving Akande’s for a moment. “I hope so. Your life depends on it, after all.”

Nodding firmly, Akande dropped his arms from his chest. “I didn’t come here to make small talk. You’re needed for the next meeting of the Council. We have a job for you and your men.”

Now that was curious. Usually when Xev and his squad were deployed they were hardly ever included in the briefings, let alone a Council meeting. His knowledge of how the Council functioned was limited, but what he did know was that they didn’t just invite anyone in on these meetings. “Must be important if you’re getting someone like me in on it, sir.”

“We’ll explain everything you need to know for this mission. I’m confident in your abilities. Don’t disappoint me.” Turning his back to Xev now, he motioned for the shorter man to follow. This should be interesting.

\--

The Council was a lot smaller than Xev had imagined. He knew that it consisted of Moira, Reaper, Akande, and Maximilien, but other than them, there were only two unfamiliar faces: A thin looking man with a scar that intersected his lip and deep red eyes and another that was built like a brick house. They were both fairly young, at least compared the rest of the lot. Everyone turned their eyes to the door when Xev and Akande entered, and the two raised their brows. “Who the hell is he?”   
  
Before Xev could open his mouth to say anything, Akande spoke. “He’ll be the commanding officer for our foot soldiers for this mission. Xev Kovock.”    
  
“You don’t say? He better be up to snuff. I’m tired of our ventures ending in failure. This shit isn’t cheap.” The one with the scar on his lip said bitterly, carefully eyeing Xev up. Failures? There weren’t many missions Xev had been on where they had failed, but that didn’t mean that the other squads hadn’t been slipping up. Not that it mattered to him personally, but it certainly was interesting information. He’d have to make a mental note of it when it came time to discuss his contract. 

“He wouldn’t be here if we didn’t trust him. So stop your whining, Simon.” Reaper responded harshly, clearly not liking the implication the man was putting off. If Xev had to guess, this probably wasn’t the first time the two have argued. There was too much tension between them for it to be something recent, but then again what did he know. Perhaps Simon was the reason Reaper would come to training madder than a bat out of hell. 

“I’ve been doing this long enough, sir. Failure isn’t an option for me, or my men.” Xev responded calmly, shooting the man a cold, hooded gaze. “After all, you sign our paychecks.”

“That’s enough. We have more important matters to attend to.” Maximilien interrupted from his place at the head of the round table. He never seemed to ever get annoyed, but that didn’t mean he tolerated wasting time. That much had been made clear over the years of working for Talon, but even so, he never rushed things. Xev almost envied his patience sometimes. “Take a seat, Akande, Commander Kovock. This won’t take too long, as I have somewhere else I need to be this evening.”

A series of holo-vids appeared just behind the dark clad Omnic, each detailing a series of information about a facility in the Netherlands. Some of it was recent, classified information, others were simply news articles and speculation. “Now, we’ve received more inside information about our current target. I’m sure some of you have heard about the supposed “accident” that happened several years ago on Horizon Lunar Colony, yes?” 

Everyone seemed to nod, except Xev. He wasn’t clueless, per say, but news didn’t travel fast enough to keep up with his schedule most days. “The accident in question has been revealed to have been a gravitic anomaly caused, in part, by one scientist: Siebren de Kuiper. Before this incident, the good doctor was a revolutionary astrophysicist and had made a number of scientific breakthroughs throughout his career.”

“His work primarily dealt with the effects of gravity, which is why he was stationed on the colony to begin with.” Moira chimed in, clearly more well informed about the subject than anyone else in the room. “Doctor de Kuiper’s work was leading up to the discovery of how to harness such a force to improve the quality of life as we know it.”

“Correct, Doctor O’Deorain.” Maximilien commented, swiping through a number of the holo vids to enlarge a particular one that held the image of what Xev assumed was Doctor de Kuiper. He was balding and looked to be in his late 50’s, but he was considerably tall- if the image were anything to go off of. “Supposedly, he managed to create a small black hole that he was meant to study. But through some miscalculation, something went wrong. The exposure to the contents of the black hole has permanently damaged de Kuiper’s psychological state but it has granted him the ability to manipulate gravity to his will.”

“I see.” Simon nodded affirmingly, apparently way more interested than he had been in the beginning if his posture were anything to go by. “But you said his psyche has been permanently damaged, yes? Wouldn’t that make him more trouble than he’s worth to bring him on board?”

“Normally, yes. However, this accident occurred 7 years ago.” Maximilien continued, swiping once again to show a document with information detailing something called “Subject Sigma”. “It is to our understanding that in an attempt to keep this from the world, the Dutch government has kept de Kuiper locked away. They hope to study him and learn the effects of his powers, so that something like this cannot happen again.”

“Meaning, it is likely he has gotten some control on his abilities. We could easily give him the means and training to harness those powers and use it to develop our own technology- perhaps even weapons.” Moira interjected, staring Simon down with dagger like eyes. It was almost like she was challenging him to say something stupid just so she could shut him down. 

Maximilien nodded. “Correct again. You see, in the last few months we have also gathered that there are a number of Omnic groups conducting business behind closed doors to give certain nations the technological advantage. Russia is a primary example of this, as they are currently in the process of making new Mech’s; Their first batch in over a decade.” 

“So, would we be wanting to produce these things for ourselves? Or perhaps would be wanting to make a business of this, Maximilien?” The other man spoke now, having sat quietly with his arms crossed on his broad chest. “We could easily do either or, but I have to wonder how dangerous it would be to let others have access to this kind of power. That is, if we can even make use of it ourselves.”

“Always the skeptic, Mr. Reigns. I was just getting to that.” Maxmilien responded, unbothered. “As I’m sure you’re all aware, Talon’s agenda is to breed more conflict. We can’t do that by simply starting riots in various parts of the world. It would be too obvious. So naturally, there is another way of going about this.”

“Imagine for a moment, Europe is laid to siege by a Null Sector invasion. They fear not only the Omnics, but the possibility of another nation’s fire power overwhelming them. We would, of course, graciously step in with our own forces and offer it to them in a time of need. This upper hand would then provoke other countries to start to scramble for a way to defend themselves.”

It made enough sense, from Xev’s perspective at least. It was a way to ensure that conflict would always be climbing and make the world pawns at the hand of Talon. They would become dependent on their technology and weapons, and it would only be those within the organization that had a clue. It was smart, but it was risky at the same time. What if they weren’t able to get this Subject Sigma guy to cooperate? What if he just ended up killing everyone?

Not entirely sure if it was his place to ask a question, Xev bit his tongue and continued to appear to be focused. If it didn’t get explained, he’d talk to Moira about it later. This seemed like her idea to begin with anyway. Maximilien, having seemingly read Xev’s mind, continued. “Now, with all of that being said, we need to have a plan in place to not only secure our target but to ensure that he cooperates. Thankfully, we’ve devised a plan for both things, which I’ll break down now.”

A schematic came up on the screen next, rotating to become a full scale 3D model of what appeared to be an underground facility. Now it was Reaper’s turn to explain. “We know he is being held in Amsterdam, in this facility pictured here. It is beneath The Hague and sits approximately 150 meters below surface level. We will need to infiltrate the premises and extract the target within 24 hours.”

The dark crevices of his mask settled on Xev. “It’ll be heavily guarded, but thanks to an inside source, we have the ability to move through the facility freely with a series of passcodes. We’re to kill anyone gets in our way and leave no survivors. There cannot be a single trace of Talon’s involvement or we risk an entire military force coming to our front door.”

“That’s where Kovock comes in. He’ll lead a squad of 10 alongside myself, Moira, and Widowmaker. While we clear the way down under, Widomaker will hold the perimeter. The subject is to be brought in alive, no exceptions.” All eyes fell on Xev, and for a brief moment, he was nervous. This wasn’t by far a large scale mission that had very little room for error, and while he was confident in his own abilities to ensure success, he was still unsure about his men.

“Sounds simple enough, but I do have a couple of questions, if I’m permitted to ask.” Xev said as he glanced around the room and saw no objections. “Since we don’t want there to be a trace of our involvement, what should we do in the event one of our men go down? Normally we would leave them behind or kill them ourselves, but we don’t want to risk capture in this instance.”

“Good question. It’s very simple: We’ll provide your squad gear that removes any of Talon’s logos. The mechanisms in your usual masks will contain a remotely controlled device that will administer a lethal dose of cyanide to anyone that should fall.” Maximilien explained, just as calm as he always was. “This ensures that no one is left to be captured- but hopefully it won’t come to that. After all, your men should be trained enough by now that this shouldn’t be an issue, yes?”

In all honesty, Xev couldn’t answer that as confidently as he wanted. He’d trained them well, sure, but accidents happen. And there was far too much riding on this for it to simply be brushed off. “We’ll manage. My next question though pertains to how we plan to transport this individual. Dropship is by far the fastest method, but with how unstable he is, wouldn’t that be something we would worry about?”

“You sound like you’re afraid, Commander Kovock. Are you sure this punk is up to this sort of thing? Surely Widowmaker and Reaper can handle this on their own.” Simon said snarkily, earning a pointed glare from Xev in the process. He wasn’t scared of dying; Dying would honestly be a mercy if anything were to go wrong. He was scared of making it out of this situation with as little issue as possible. Isn’t that what a good soldier would do anyway?

“If you’re so worried about it Simon, why don’t you get on the drop ship and do it yourself?” The other man, Reigns, Xev recalls, responded harshly, clearly irritated by his counterpart’s reluctance to comply. “The only reason you’re even here is because we need your money to accomplish this. Put up or shut up.”

This seemed to strike a chord with Simon, as he immediately wiped the smug look from his face and sunk back into his seat. At least Xev understood the man’s role within the Council now; just a dimebag with a loud mouth. He had no real say in things outside of where money was allocated and that made a world of difference when you were sitting in a room full of felons. 

“I’m just airing my concerns, that’s all. It wouldn’t exactly be ideal for 2 Council members to lose their lives in this, after all.” Xev commented with a shrug of his shoulders. “The mission needs to be a success at all costs. I just want to ensure we have all our variables checked before we jump into something.”

“They’re valid concerns, however, your faith in our capabilities to perceive threats is disappointing.” Maximilien responded as he folded his hands on the table. “We will sedate the subject should he become combative. We know that he can only cause disturbances when he is conscious, though I doubt we’ll have any issue with getting him to come along.”

Xev’s eyebrows knit. There was something Maximilien wasn’t telling him and he wasn’t entirely sure whether or not he should bother asking what that meant. He was in enough shit as it was for opening his mouth anyway, best to keep a lid on it for now. “Once Subject Sigma is within our custody, we’ll have Moira look after him and assess his condition. What happens after that is entirely up to her.” Reaper said in conclusion, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms. There was an air of finality to the room now. Hopefully this was the end of this little meeting and Xev could be left in peace to figure out just who the hell he was going to send in for this mission.

“Are we all in agreement then? Good. You’re dismissed then. The mission will take place one week from now to allow us ample time to prepare ourselves. It goes without saying that failure is not an option.” Maximilien said as he stood up from his seat and adjusted his tie. He glanced about the room to acknowledge everyone as they all stood in his wake. “I look forward to what the future holds for us, my friends.”

\--

Xev spent the remainder of his evening sitting within the confines of Moira’s lab. A computer sat in front of him and a stack of papers he would occasionally flip through to cross reference some information from the briefing with a list of names he could select for the mission. It was incredibly tedious and quite frankly he hated this part of the job. Moira had been keeping to herself at her own computer, possibly researching more about Subject Sigma or just researching things in general. It was hard to tell with her sometimes.

“You seemed nervous during the Council meeting, Xev.” She commented with a flick of her mismatched eyes that bore holes into Xev. Of course she noticed that. Waving his hand, Xev sighed in frustration. “Not nervous, just concerned.”

“That means the same thing, you do realize that?”

“Look, I know I can handle this. I can take care of whatever they throw at me- it’s the target I’m worried about. How the hell are we supposed to know he won’t cause our dropship to implode or somethin’?” He responded vexingly, a little of his southern drawl peaking in his tone as he spoke. “What if the tranq doesn’t work? What then? We all just blow up and nothing gets accomplished? It’s stupid and you know it.”

“Calm yourself. You need to have a little more faith in my processes.” Moira quipped angrily. She despised when Xev got worked up like this over the most trivial things. She always said that it was his inability to grasp the concept of reliance, and perhaps that was true. Xev hadn’t had to rely on anyone for a majority of his life, aside from the people who contracted him for work. It wasn’t in his nature to just be so trusting of people given how easily they could turn on a dime. “Do you really think Reaper and I would put ourselves in a situation where we could be harmed in such a way? You’re an idiot if you think that for even a moment.”

Xev sighed. “I know. It’s just… frustrating. That’s all. As long as I get paid, I don’t care. You’re the one that’d gotta deal with him when we get him here anyway.”

There was a brief pause between them, the soft tapping of keys the only semblance of life in the room. “I wouldn’t be so sure of that.” Moira said nonchalantly.

“...Excuse me?” Xev questioned, raised a dark brow at the red headed woman. “I’ll need someone to be his handler when I am unable to manage him. And seeing as how you’re here the majority of the time when I’m not here, I’ll be appointing you.” She responded just as casually as before, as if she didn’t just say that he was going to be in charge of an unstable basket case.

“Why me? I don’t have time to babysit someone, I’ve got my own shit to do.” Xev countered, flourishing his hand over his computer and all the paperwork next to it. It was bad enough that his squad’s performance fell back on him, now he was gonna be responsible for something uncontrollable. Fantastic. “I believe we had an agreement when I started treating you. I’ll hear none of it, Kovock. I’m not asking you, I’m telling you.”

Not able to argue, Xev just sighed and went back to what he was doing. Had it not been for her having the advantage of being his personal doctor, he might would have told her to fuck off, but he couldn’t. “I better be getting paid double for this.”

“That can be arranged, I assure you. Now, leave if you’re going to continue to be insubordinate. I have work to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was going to be longer but because I got distracted half way through writing this one, I decided to just split the next sequence up for the next chapter. I promise we'll meet Sigma in the next chapter, I just want this to not feel forced and take my time. Plus I'm trying to keep things within lore and that means having to double check things as best I can. Something else I wanna kind of point out is that while there will be mentions of other characters, such as Doomfist and Sombra, there may be times where we don't see them for awhile. That's not because I forget about them, it's just not something I wanna hyper focus on once we get into building the relationship between Xev and Sigma. Just throwing that out there so I don't get flamed for "not including everyone".
> 
> I didn't give my socials last time but you can follow both my art twitter and my personal twitter if you guys wanna hear me gush about Sigma/ see my dumb shenanigans in Overwatch. I will be drawing Xev at some point it's just hard for me right now because I'm coming out of a very long burnout. Comments and kudos are appreciated!
> 
> Art Twitter: @loganbootheart  
> Personal Twt: @shinsgay


	3. Broken Melodies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talon moves to capture Subject Sigma. Things do not go according to plan.

The week leading up to departure was tedious, to say the least. For better or worse, Xev had his 10 men picked for the mission and had them briefed on the details within the first three days. He had taken them aside afterwards and discussed multiple scenarios and strategies so that they could be prepared for just about anything.They knew their objectives, they knew what to do if they should fall, and above everything else, they knew what was riding on this mission. Everything they had been training for was leading up to this moment and failure was not an option.

Now that their gear had been issued, they began to check things over and familiarize themselves with the layout. It wasn’t that much different from their normal gear, aside from the missing splashes of red and Talon logos, but the weapons they were being asked to carry were another story. “I got a question for you though boss.” Xavier said as he checked over their new gear with a keen eye. He was younger by at least 10 years, but he was one of the best snipers Xev had the pleasure of training. In fact, Xev learned a lot from Xavier just by watching him, which was a welcomed surprise. “I might have an answer, 4061.”

“So let’s say we get this fella back to base in one piece, what are they gonna do when they finally mobilize him for missions? What’ll they need us for?” The younger man asked, concern clearly written across his soft features. The others seemed to be listening in, but didn’t stop their routine check work in doing so. It was a good question, but it wasn’t like one man could replace disposable bodies like they were. 

Essentially, they were death fodder; A line of bodies used to keep the main squads safe and out of harm’s way. Though Reaper and Widowmaker were literal living weapons and could handle themselves in most cases, there would be hell to pay if one of them should fall or be captured. Xev imagined that the same could be said for Subject Sigma, should they actually make progress with him. But what did he know, he was just there to do the dirty work, so to speak.

“They aren’t getting rid of anyone. This guy might be the most powerful person in the world, but without back up he’s a sitting duck. That’s where we come in.” Xev responded finally, loading a number of magazines quickly and without ever looking up. “We may not be the highest on the food chain here, but they need people like us to protect their assets. And yes, that includes their weapons like Widowmaker and Reaper.”

“Oh I see how it is then. So if we die it’s no skin of their nose, but let Lacroix die and they’ll lose their shit?” Xavier countered angrily, earning some side way glances from his cohorts. “Are we at least getting paid more? I’ve got a wife and kids, man. They might not know what I do, but I put the food on the table and keep a roof over their heads. They’re counting on me to come back in one piece. What if we fail and I lose a limb? Or worse, my life?”

Again, more valid concerns. Xev could understand from the man’s perspective why he would be worried about such things, but at the same time, this is what they signed up for. This is what waging war and conflict entailed. It was one giant game of luck and chance and some pieces were more valuable than others. That was just the nature of the work environment. Sighing, he put the remaining magazines away into a special vest that had been made for the new gear. “Listen kid, I hear ya. I do. But you decided to work for this organization. You shoulda thought about that before you picked up a gun and started to march in line.”

Now he glanced around the room and saw several more sets of eyes on the two of them. They were quiet but there was no doubt that they were on the same page as Xavier.“And that goes for all of you. I know the risks we are taking are big this time around and it’s scary. I’m not as dumb as some of ya might think. But I can assure you that if you do everything that you’re told, you’ll make it back alive.”

“I chose you to be on this squad because I know you have the capabilities to make it out of this alive. Not only that, but I personally trained you all. If you aren’t confident in yourself, then you aren’t confident in my abilities to lead you.” Xev continued, hardening his gaze as he met each of theirs. He was being harsh not because he was trying to discourage them from trusting him, but rather because they needed to hear the hard truth. This is what they signed up for, like it or not. “If you’re that concerned, then leave. Walk away from this organization and never look back. You’ll be watching your back for the rest of your life but at least you don’t have to worry about dying behind enemy lines.”

None of them said a word, just quietly stared back at Xev with mixed expressions. Some them even stared to shy away from his gaze after a moment or two, but Xavier backed off completely and resigned himself back to his duties. If he were heartless, he would march his way to Reaper right after this and inform him of a possible traitor in the midst, but that was more work than it was worth. More paperwork, more training, and more meetings. No, he would let it go for now and decide what to do when they returned.

He just hoped that they would all actually get to return.

* * *

“I think this is the first time I’ve actually seen you in Talon get up, Moira.” Xev commented as he adjusted his weapon holsters, briefly glancing up to the red headed woman and being met with a cold stare. She was never much for small talk, in fact, she probably hated it, but it gave them something to do while they waited on everyone to be accounted for. “I have no need to reveal my full hand to a future enemy, Commander Kovock. Besides, the less recognizable we are, the better.”

She was right of course, but it never seemed to amaze Xev how complex her gear tended to be in comparison to the things he would get- let alone Reaper. “Suppose you gotta point. Not much armor though is it?”

“If everyone does their job, I shouldn’t need armor. And I am more than capable of handling myself on the battlefield. You know this.” She responded frankly, arms held firmly across her chest as she glanced to the side; watching the rest of Xev’s squad finish getting this on board the dropship. “Remember what we discussed. You’re to report to me when this is over.”

Xev just nodded in affirmation. On top of the briefing with the Council, Xev was included on a number of meetings to discuss the handling of the subject. It was unclear how he would react to being taken into foreign custody, so the plan was to make it seem like they were there to help him; To free him from his restraints and allow him to continue his work unimpeded. He would be supervised of course, either by Xev or Moira, but he would have access to his own facility whenever he wanted. The catch was that he would be tested frequently on his ability to control his powers, and the second the results were satisfactory, he would be put onto the field for more in depth analysis.

Side from that, the idea was simple: Keep the wool over his eyes. The less he knows about their ulterior motives, the better. Subject Sigma was going to become one of our respected allies and together, Talon would be able to push forward on a new era of conflict the likes of which the world has never seen. Or so they believe. None of that really mattered to Xev. He was just there for the paycheck, nothing more, nothing less.

“We’re ready for take off, boss.” Xavier, or as his call number 4061 would imply, said as he stood at attention before the two of them. “Anything else you want us to check on before we’re clear?”

Shaking his head, Xev moved to stand and fastened his bright red helmet onto his head. There wasn’t much more they could do except wait for Reaper’s call to action. All they needed was an okay from their inside source and they were going to be on their way. “Not that I can think of, soldier. Get on the dropship and await further orders. We should be leaving within the hour.”

Nodding, Xavier gave a quick salute and turned on his heel to join the others. “You got it. Godspeed, brother.”

Xev hummed in response, but Moira outright laughed that cold, calculated laugh of hers. “Americans truly are another breed. So frivolous and sentimental.”

“He’s a good kid. How the hell he ended up here is beyond me, but put a rifle in that boy’s hands and you’ll see magic itself.” Xev responded with a shrug, earning another chuckle out of Moira. “I’ll believe that when I see it, Kovock.”

* * *

The dropship was mostly silent, a few of the squad members conversing quietly about god only knows what. Reaper had taken a standing position near the dropship door, tapping his foot impatiently. If Xev didn’t know any better, he would say the man was anxious, but that wasn’t in Reaper’s nature. He always got restless before missions. Whether it was the insane amount of bloodlust or whatever in the hell was going on with his body, the man never seemed to be bothered about high risk situations such as this. If Xev were honest, he was envious of that side of Reaper, but he couldn’t say for sure that he wished he had the same issue. 

The same could be said for Widowmaker, who generally didn’t feel anything. That was the whole point for her, anyway. She was implemented long before Xev joined, so her deal was a little bit of a mystery to him but Moira had been kind enough to explain some things. She was the first real living weapon Talon ever created; A person capable of feeling nothing, not emotions or the cold wind on her skin, and able to clearly eliminate a target from a distance far enough that no one would be the wiser. Truly the perfect assassin, she was more than likely Moira’s best work.   
  
Speaking of the two, Moira had taken a seat next to the blue skinned woman and had struck up a small conversation that Xev could barely hear over the roar of the turbine engines. He couldn’t imagine that they were making small talk- probably something along the lines of Widowmaker’s condition. Moira seemed to make it a habit of asking her how she felt on every mission, and anything short of “nothing” would be a concern for everyone.It seemed harmless enough, just two colleagues looking after one another, but anyone with any idea of who Moira was knew that was just a facade she put up. 

Xev kept to himself on missions for the most part. Sometimes he would nap if it were a longer flight or count the number of magazines he had on his person- a nervous habit he picked up from one too many close calls over the years. He liked the quiet before missions and the quiet after, but he had a feeling he wouldn’t be getting much of that after this was over. 

Towards the back of the dropship was a holding cell encased in many sheets of metal and bolted to the floor. It was the world’s tiniest isolation cell and was supposed to be used in the event of an episode with the subject, but only in that circumstance. They were supposed to give off the idea that they were there to rescue him from captivity, not put him back into it. So it was a toss up of whether or not it would be necessary, but everyone seemed to avoid looking at it or sitting by it.

Thumbing at the handle of the tranquilizer gun on his hip, Xev had to wonder how this would play out. Hopefully they wouldn’t have to use force on the guy, but things were rarely that easy; Especially since Reaper and Widow were on the squad. That was already a telling sign of how difficult this was going to be and everything else was just icing on the shit cake. 

Pushing a button on the side of his helmet to release the locking mechanism, he pulled it off and sat it on the bench beside him, then fished for his pack of cigarettes in one of his breast pockets. It probably wasn’t the best idea to light up on the dropship, but no one made any moves to stop him from the time he pulled it out to the time he lit it. It was a disgustingly bad habit of his that he tried to remedy many times over the years, but it gave his restless hands something to do when he was particularly anxious or concerned.

There was something calming about the inhale and the burn of the nicotine at the back of his throat; A familiar pain and taste he couldn’t get any other way. It was also a good sign that he wanted to be left alone, and everyone seemed to get that message fairly quickly. “You said you were going to quit that shit months ago.” Reaper said in an annoyed tone of voice, the dark caverns of his mask illuminated just enough by the low light that Xev could make out the red irises if he squinted. So much for being left alone.

“Yeah, I did. But old habits die hard. Besides, I’m not smoking as much as I used to. I’ve had this pack for at least two weeks now.” Xev responded, taking another long drag and exhaling. “Didn’t know you cared though.”

“I don’t care what you do. It’s your choice to destroy your body and smell like a smokestack constantly.” Reaper countered as he uncrossed his arms. “As long as you don’t pass out while covering me, I couldn’t care less.”

Xev shrugged. He was never going to be in danger of losing it on the field, in fact, he would be more likely to do so without the effects of nicotine. “Careful, you’re starting to sound like a concerned father, Reaper.”   
  
Growling in frustration, Reaper took a step forward and lowered himself to Xev’s level. “I’m not your father, asshole. The second you become useless to me, I won’t hesitate on taking your life force and blowing your brains out.”

“I expect nothing less from you. But I don’t think you’ll have the pleasure for years to come, unfortunately.” Xev answered, not backing down from the completely empty threats coming from the older man. He knew Reaper could easily kill him and not think twice, but the organization would throw a fit and it would be him hearing about it. A time will come when the deed would need to be done, but right now, Xev was sitting comfortably in the good graces of the administration.

“Just as long as you know that it’ll be me that does the job, that’s all that matters.”

Their comms hissed alive, the robotic sound of the pilot registering that their arrival was incoming. _“ETA: 10 minutes. Please prepare for departure, agents.”_

Putting his cigarette out on the steel floor of the dropship with his boot, Xev moved to grab his helmet and resecure it. “Looking forward to it.”

* * *

The Hague was a beautiful building perched just along the river, the street lights reflecting off of the dark water and creating an impressionistic painting of its surroundings. Had this been a vacation of Xev’s choosing, he might have sat and admired it for a while, but now wasn’t the time. There was a sense of calm, something about the gentle trickle of the water and the rustling of the leaves against the hushed streets. Xev couldn’t recall the last time he took time off, or the last time he really visited the Netherlands. Perhaps when he was in his twenties? Who knows. 

The streets surrounding the area were clear, but through Widowmaker’s infrared readings they were able to tell just how many guards were inside the building. It wasn’t exactly surprising that there would be as many as there were, but for this to be a semi-residential area it made little sense to keep something so… sinister beneath it.

The plan was relatively simple for this first part, they just needed to cause enough of a distraction to get them into Widowmaker’s line of sight. “We have 13 on the main floor. Should be an easy infiltration.” The blue skinned woman said in her usual cool tone of voice. “We should draw them out and pick them off one by one.”   
  
Reaper nodded and turned to Xev. “Agreed. Kovock, take 5 of your men on point with me. We’ll clear them out and bring them out to the open. The rest will wait to come in .”

Nodding in return, Xev turned on his heel to the rest of his men that more than likely heard what was said. “Alright, y’all heard the man. 4061, you’re with Widowmaker at all costs. No one leaves this building and no one gets in but us. Got it?” Xavier nodded, already heading to a different vantage point. “Let’s move boys. Oh, and Moira.”

* * *

The first couple of floors were relatively simple to move through. The poor bastards barely had any time to react before being gunned down by Reaper’s shotguns, or their knees shattered by Xev’s quick footwork. The squad moved meticulously- checking every corner of every room and disabling any surveillance terminals they could find, but the farther they got down, the more complicated things seemed to get. There were more guards with better weapons, but the worst came in the unexpected.

“Ya gotta be fuckin’ kiddin’ me. Turrets? Really?” Xev complained loudly as he dove for cover, the spray of bullets littering the overturned steel table at a rapid pace. In between reloading sequences, he’d pop over the top and attempt to take a few out, but when one died, three more seemed to activate. Tapping the small button just under his chin to activate the comms, he needed to get more information and fast. “Reaper, what’s your position?”

If the silence of the comms weren’t enough of an indication, the deafening sound of multiple shotgun blasts echoing throughout the room was enough of an idea where the masked man was. Death Blossom was something that was terrifying to witness up close, but relieving when you know it isn’t being directed at you. If nothing else, it saved everyone else the trouble of wasting ammo when he could just pull them out of seemingly nowhere.

Coming out from behind the table, Xev quickly caught up to Reaper’s stride with the rest of the squad following suit- maneuvering over the littered metal corpses of what used to be turrets in the process. “You still gotta teach me how to do that, you know.”   
  
Scoffing and tossing his spent shotguns to the side, Reaper continued on. “In your dreams, Kovock. Now get moving. We’re almost there. We’ll probably have a fight on our hands on the way back up as well.”

“Copy that. 5913, 4209, 6793, and 2580 you keep this area covered. If you hear backup coming, sound the alarm. Be prepared to book it the second we get the bastard.”

The 4 gave quick nods and each set out to various points throughout the room, stationed and ready at the two doors that lead back to the entrance of the facility. The rest moved with Xev and Reaper, still keeping an eye out as they made their way down another series of stairs in a dark stairwell. 

“So, we just gonna walk out the front door with this guy and dare anyone to try and stop us?” Xev asked as he double checked his rounds, reloading a fresh magazine into both his pistol and his pulse rifle.    
  
“You got a better idea?”

“No, not necessarily. We’re too far underground to just blast through a wall. Think maybe we can convince the doc to levitate us out of here somehow?”   
  
“Unlikely. The faster we can subdue him, the better. I don’t need a handicap getting out of here. You’re bad enough as it is.”

“So mean! I think I’ve done pretty good so far. I think that’s cause for celebration when we get back, yeah?”

Reaper just sighed angrily, kicking open the final door at the base of the stairwell with emphasis. “Focus. We’re here.” After stepping through the doorway, Xev could tell immediately that this was the place. It was a long corridor with a hefty metal door sitting at the very end. It was almost reminiscent of Silence Of The Lambs, walking down to the end and coming face to face with an unspeakable horror. 

The adrenaline had wore off some, and the anxiety had started to settle back in. Even the remaining squad members were cautious about approaching the door. There was a room just to the right that had a huge glass pane- a security room of some kind with a number of monitors and terminals that Xev couldn’t even begin to imagine what they did. “7123, you have the terminal codes. Get in there and disable any security alarms and get this door open. It’s the real deal now. Don’t fuck it up.”

7123, the shorter of the remaining members, seemed all too eager to get away from the large door and into the safety of whatever the control room held. Within minutes, a number of monitors went offline and a beep resonated from the control panel near the door. Reaper put a taloned hand to it and motioned for Xev and the others to flank him. “Cross formation. If he so much as twitches, unload that tranquilizer on him.”

Xev, having already swapped his pistol for his tranquilizer gun, nodded to Reaper. “Don’t need to tell me twice. Whenever you’re ready.”

With one hard push, the door was slowly pushed open, revealing a stark white room with a bed, a table, and a toilet in the far corner. And sitting on the bed was the target, seemingly unbothered by the sudden intrusion and the foreign company. Xev moved in on the flank and slowly started to approach the man. “Doctor de Kuiper?”

Silence. Throwing a sideways glance to Reaper, Xev continued his cautious approach. That is, until the man shot up from the bed and grabbed him by the arm harshly. “Do you hear that? Can you hear that music?” De Kuiper asked frantically, eyes wide and looking absolutely terrified. Had he heard all the commotion upstairs? No, there was no way. These walls were too thick and they had walked down too far for that to be possible.

“Hey, hey calm down there. We’re not here to hurt ya. Just-”

“This melody, it won’t stop. The universe is speaking to me. To me!”

Out of the corner of his eye, Xev watched Reaper approach the flank with his shotguns raised. Though he knew the man had no intention of using them to kill the other, it was still anxiety inducing. The spread on those things would surely hit Xev if he felt the need to use them. “It’s alright! We’re here to get you out of here. Away from all of this. Do you understand me, Doctor?”

If de Kuiper had heard Xev, he made no signs of acknowledging him. The next thing Xev knew he was being hoisted even further into the air, but not by the strength of de Kuiper alone. No, he was almost floating in mid air, along with other various things in the room that were loose from the floor. Even Reaper and the other squad members were slowly floating up. “Do it now, Kovock!” Reaper yelled as he struggled to try and get his feet back on the ground.

There was very little hesitation from that moment to the time the dart hit de Kuiper square in the chest, piercing his clothes and his skin in an instant and sending him clamoring to the ground in a haze. The moment he hit the floor, so did they. Xev groaned painfully, having landed on his back awkwardly. Between the pain that was radiating from there and his arm, he was almost certain he was bruised- perhaps a broken bone or two as well. Moira would have her work cut out for her if they had let that go on any longer. But there was also an unmistakable sense of dread welling in his gut at the same time. Had he not pulled the trigger when he did, who knows what might would have happened to them.

Pulling himself up carefully from the ground with a hiss, Reaper stalked over to the now slumped larger man and shouldered one of his arms. Xev quickly joined him, trying his best to steady his rapidly beating heart as he shouldered the other side. “We don’t have time for this. 4351, help us carry him. The other two will take point to get us out of here.”   
  
“Contact Moira and Widowmaker and let them know we have the target. The dropship needs to be ready when we get topside.” Xev added, moving carefully under the dead weight. 

“Yes sir!”

* * *

Surprisingly, there was no backup waiting for them on any of the floors going up. From the way the rest of the squad told it, it had been mysteriously quiet- save for the part where shit started to float randomly. That in and of itself raised the question of just how powerful this guy really was, but it wouldn’t get answered until they got him back to headquarters. The dropship waited just above the bridge outside and with everyone’s help, they were able to hoist the target up and onto a gurney where he was lifted up into the hull.

“I take it things went well?” Moira asked snarkily, eyes fixed on the way Xev and Reaper limped their way to their seats on the ship.

“He wasn’t in the mood to talk.” Xev responded as he gingerly sat down and held his side. Helmet cast aside now, the pain was clearly written across his sharp features, and the sweat had matted his hair down to his scalp. “Almost pissed myself when he lifted us up into the air like rag dolls honestly.”   
  
Humming thoughtfully, Moira approached Xev carefully. “So that’s what caused the lights to flicker. It seemed as though there was going to be a power surge. Take off that armor. I need to assess the damage.” Xev didn’t complain. Although it was difficult to get his armor and shirt off without straining himself too much, the pain seemed to radiate all across his lower back the more he moved. He wouldn’t be surprised if something happened to his pelvis with how hard he hit the ground. 

Running her hands over his side carefully, Moira knelt down to examine the vast amount of bruises that were already turning black on Xev’s back and sides. “I can’t know for sure, but it seems you have at least 3 broken ribs and perhaps a spinal fracture. I can subdue the pain for now and we’ll deal with the rest when we get back.”

“You make it sound so non-life threatening.” Xev teased, earning a harsh jab from Moira’s thumb directly into the thickest of the bruises, causing him to yelp. “Ah fuck off! That shit hurts!”   
  
“Next time don’t be so reckless. Stay put, I’ll get something for you so you stop whining.”

Huffing like a child scorned, Xev watched as the red headed woman walked away towards the back where the emergency medical supplies were kept. “You act like I just let him slam me into the ground.”

“You hesitated. Your injuries are your own fault.” Reaper commented, seemingly unbothered by his previous injuries- which was no surprise. Xev had seen Reaper dislocate an arm on the battlefield before and continue on after snapping it back into place. Something about all that smoke and monstrous aura seemed to heal him unlike everyone else. “I hesitated because he looked like he didn’t know where he was.”

“He’s unstable. He probably didn’t know where he was, idiot.”

“Well sorry for trying to avoid using lethal force. If I remember correctly, we were supposed to be seen as an ally, not a threat to ensure cooperation.”

“And how did that work out for you?”   
  
There was no point in arguing with him. Sure, he had some good points, but there was a reason Xev was trusted with the option of tranquilizing the target. It was his call to make, no one else’s. At the very least, everyone else seemed to be okay. Maybe because he was so close to the guy he took the most damage? Who knows.

Moira came back shortly after, a roll of bandages and gauze and a syringe full of questionably yellow liquid. He learned not to question her methods; Chances are not only would he not understand, he probably didn’t wanna know how she came up with them in the first place. Once the syringe was depleted and the bandages were secured, Xev pulled his shirt back on. “You may feel drowsy at this altitude with that formula. Should you fall asleep, I’ll wake you when we get back.”

“Thanks Moira. I appreciate it.”

She didn’t respond, in typical Moira fashion, and left to tend to the others- leaving Xev to his own devices for the remainder of the flight.

* * *

When the dropship landed, everyone set off to get the target to his holding area. Widowmaker, content with her work apparently, disappeared to her own quarters for the evening. Reaper was the only one who remained, and even he looked like he was itching to get out of his own skin at this point. Xev stretched his arms above his head and yawned. “Looks like we’re off the hook this time.”

“Don’t be so sure. We still have to convince him to join us.” Reaper responded, annoyed by the younger man’s arrogance. “Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

“Yeah, I gotta head over to Moira’s lab. But I just wanted to tell ya something.”

“And what’s that?”

Xev rubbed a hand against the back of his neck, wiping away the grit of dried sweat as he refused to meet Reaper’s gaze. He wanted to thank him for practically saving them back in The Hague, but there was no telling what kind of reaction he would get in response. But the truth remained that it could have been infinitely worse for them. “Thanks for snapping me out of it back there. If you hadn’t yelled at me, I dunno that I would have remembered I had the power to stop him.”

For a moment, Reaper didn’t say anything, just turned his back on the younger man like he was about to walk away without a word. “... Don’t mention it. Now get out of my sight.”

* * *

In the time it took Xev to make it to Moira’s lab, she had already been down to the area where they were set to keep Subject Sigma and came back. She almost looked offended that he took so long despite his condition. “The doc alright? Dunno what set him off but he looked like he was in pain.”

“Doctor de Kuiper is fine. Still asleep thankfully. I anticipate that he’ll be awake within the next few hours.” She responded as she immediately motioned for him to get up on the examination table. “I’ll need you to strip down. I want to fully assess the damage and not leave anything up to chance.”

“Geez Moira, if ya wanted to get me naked all you had to do was ask-”

The annoyance was written on her face plain as day. If he looked closely, he’s sure he would see a vein popping at her temple. “Get off the stage, moron. The faster we get this done the faster I can brief you on what happens next.” Holding his hands up in surrender, he quietly stripped down and got up on the examination table as he was told and Moira got to work.

Scans revealed what she had already deduced: 3 broken ribs and a fractured hip. Thankfully nothing was obstructing any organs so it would be a relatively easy fix with whatever molecular structure stuff she used on a daily basis. “Tell me about what you saw. The more information I have, the better I can make an assessment.”

Xev took a moment to recall everything that he possibly could about the situation. Towards the end was a little hazy, mostly because he closed his eyes after pulling the trigger on the tranquilizer, but everything was a vivid memory. “Not much happened really. The place they kept him in wasn’t guarded- the corridor itself was empty by the time we got down there. Which I thought was weird.”

“Interesting.” Moira commented as her nimble hands worked over Xev’s back, applying a thick, anesthetic salve over the bigger areas before bringing a robotic arm down from overhead; the needles on the tip glistening with the same yellow liquid she used on the dropship. “I’m sure we’ll figure out that mystery in the follow up meeting.”   
  
“Oh I’m sure. But we went in and he seemed to be asleep. The walls for his room were thick so I doubt he heard any of the commotion upstairs.”   
  
“Go on.”

“When I approached him, he shot up and grabbed my arm and lifted me up. Said something about the universe singing to him? Or a melody or something? That’s when shit got weird. The more he mumbled, the higher stuff got in the air.”   
  
The needles quietly hummed as Moira worked her magic across the spanse of Xev’s back. “Curious. It seems that his powers play off of his emotions. Though it’s hard to say what potential triggers could be. I’ll have to dedicate some time to studying that on it’s own.”   
  
“Maybe. Like I said, he looked… looked like he was terrified and in pain. Almost as if he woke up from some sort of hellish nightmare and just took it out on us.” Xev responded, resting his head on his hands. This process was almost soothing, save for the slight amount of pressure and weird tingling that happened every now and then. “I almost felt sorry for him. They had him in this rubber room with all the shit bolted down.”

“Don’t get sentimental, Kovock.” Moira said harshly, moving to a new area to work on. “By the time we’re done with him, he won’t be able to feel anything, let alone discomfort.”   
  
“I know, I know. I’m just saying. It was pitiful.”   
  
“Anything else you noticed? Besides the obvious that your back was nearly shattered in the process.”

“Not that I can think of, no.”   
  
Now Moira fell silent, working away for the next half hour that way until she finished. She prompted Xev to sit up and helped him bend forward and back to make sure that things had settled the way that they were supposed to. “You’ll be fine. I’ll take you off of active command for the next month to allow things to heal properly. That’ll give you time to get to know good Doctor de Kuiper.”

“You really weren’t joking about that huh?”

“When have you known me to joke about anything, Xev?” She had a point. “Now, let me detail your duties while we assess de Kuiper’s condition: The biggest thing I need for you to do is to keep him docile. The more calm he is, the more information we can get from him about how his powers work.”

Did he even know that he was capable of doing such things to such a magnitude? Surely he knew that something happens sometimes, but to almost wipe out an entire power grid just from being scared? Xev couldn’t be sure that was possible. “Alright, sounds simple enough. So I just gotta be his friend or something?”

“More like a familiar face with which he can ground himself with.” Moira corrected. “We don’t want him getting attached to you too much in the event that something untoward would happen to you, after all.”   
  
“Then wouldn’t it make more sense to not let him get attached to anyone? If something like that could set him off, it’d be best to keep him isolation, right?”

As Xev stood to get dressed once more, Moira continued her counter argument. “No. That would have the opposite effect that we want. He’s already withdrawn into his mind from what you’ve told me. We need him to be present if we expect to use him in missions.”

“I guess…”

“Don’t complain. This is a simple job.”

“I know, Moira. I’m not complaining. I just don’t see the logic in it, that’s all.” Xev countered as he pulled his shirt back on, finally feeling decent again. He really didn’t have a choice in the matter to begin with, but he supposed this would give him something to do while he was laid up “resting”. “I’ll do it, but I’m keeping him at a distance.”

Moira nodded, a knowing smirk on her face that was just as smug as her ego was. “I would expect nothing less from our favorite lone wolf. You can leave now. I administered your dose for this week while I was it. Report back to me at 08:00.”

Xev had a lot to think about, but he supposed it could wait till morning. The weariness had started to settle in and his bed was practically calling out to him from across the building. “Alright. I’m going to take a shower. You know where to find me if you need me.”

“Good night, Kovock.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I'll update once a week" he said  
> "I'll take this at a reasonable pace" he said
> 
> Listen y'all sometimes if I don't write, I'll combust. This is one of those times. But hey! We actually got to meet Sigma briefly here! Which means now I get to actually use that slow burn tag to torture myself :^] I don't plan on taking it supremely slow but I have a bad habit of rushing things and I'm trying to fix that so we may not get anything for a few more chapters, just so we're all aware. 
> 
> Anyway, in other news I start work back this week after not working for nearly 2 whole months. I am not excited, but I also cannot complain because I'm working maybe once or twice a week at best. I've also decided to start streaming regularly again because I need a reason to not interact with certain individuals in my house. That and sometimes it's fun. I'll mostly be playing overwatch but I may do other games depending on how things go. I may also draw but I'm trying to figure out how I can stream my Ipad screen so I don't have to go digging for my computer tablet pen and charger. 
> 
> Follow me on twitter for updates on both this story and when I go live if you're into that kind of thing:  
> Personal twt: @shinsgay  
> Art twt: @LoganBootheArt_


	4. Making A Connection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xev has the honor of speaking with Subject Sigma. It's surprisingly pleasant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author is a trans man and all experiences mentioned (however briefly) are based on his own. Also apologies in advance if the Dutch is translated wrong, I had to rely on google translate because it's been a hot minute since I've had to speak Dutch.

The next morning, Xev could barely move. Every part of his body ached from the moment he rolled over to turn off his alarm to the time he got dressed. Apparently it was too much to ask of modern medicine to get rid of the constant ache that comes with breaking multiple bones. Maybe it actually could and Moira didn’t implement it as some weird sick sort of punishment. Who knows.

His room was small, but spacious enough that he could comfortably walk around and stretch if he needed to. The small closet to the far left was where all his clothes were kept- uniforms for various occasions and some special business attire for when they had to look presentable to sponsors and the like. Which, for Xev, included exactly 3 button up shirts, one waist coat, and a jet black suit. He didn’t get invited to many of the galas or things, so he didn’t see a need to have very many outfits to suit the occasion.

To the right by the window was his bed and a small desk that looked relatively untouched. Xev kept a small collection of biographies in the drawers as well as a computer that was mandatory for all high ranking officers, but beyond that he didn’t have much. If anyone ask, it was because he spent too much time traveling to really keep much, but in truth, he was just simplistic. If it couldn’t be carried in a duffel bag, he didn’t need it in his personal opinion. This rule of logic had one exception though: A small tin hidden in a compartment just beside his keyboard that contained 3 things. 

In it was his first vial of testosterone, having been emptied long ago as a gentle reminder of where he once was, a chipped piece of smoothed ruby, and single match. It was something he had put together years ago, a small pocket altar that he used seldomly since joining Talon. Xev wasn’t particularly religious, but the concept of deities and the power of will had been a huge influence all his life. He didn’t want to lose sight of that, ever. Thus he kept it hidden and only brought it when he needed a reminder.

It was by his special request that he get his own room in the beginning, but with the promotion to commander, the administration hardly argued with it. It made keeping to himself that much easier, especially given the circumstances. The only people who knew about his… condition were Moira, Reaper, and Maximilien. It wasn’t out of shame that he hid the fact that he was trans, but rather a matter of safety. Even though it was 2072 there were still a number of people who didn’t take kindly to transgender people. It was almost as bad as the Omnics at times. And while he could handle himself, it wouldn’t do to have an uprising within ranks.

_“Good morning, Agent Kovock. It is currently 7 AM and you are scheduled for a meeting at 8 AM with Doctor O’Deorain.”_ The robotic voice came from a small speaker within the ceiling. Prometheus, the AI equivalent of a butler that had been implemented many years ago, always read off Xev’s tasks for him in the morning- not because it was programmed to do so, but because Xev was incredibly forgetful and liked to procrastinate at times. It was Reaper’s suggestion to work it into his routine back when he was still training and Xev didn’t have room to complain. It certainly made things easier to remember, if nothing else.

“Thanks, Prometheus. Anything else you’d like me to know?”

_ “That is all, agent. Please remember to take your medicine before you leave.” _

“Got it. Thanks again.”

“My pleasure.”

Well, at least his schedule was clear for most of the day. That would make this whole ordeal a lot easier to deal with in the long run. He enjoyed the quiet of mornings anyway. Walking to his small bathroom, Xev grabbed a bottle of pills for the medicine cabinet and grabbed his tooth brush. It was just a standard painkiller that he was technically supposed to take with breakfast, but he never got up in time to ever make it to breakfast. He didn’t need to take it every day, but something must have tipped Prometheus off during his vital check during the night that prompted the AI to remind him.

Cupping his hand to get water from the running faucet, Xev quickly downed the small red pill and went to work getting ready. It never took him long to get ready in the mornings, mostly because he never particularly cared to impress people, but he supposed it wouldn’t make a good first impression. And seeing as how this guy was supposed to like him, Xev needed to make it look like he tried at least a little.

With his teeth brushed, he then pulled his long, dark brown hair back into a low pony tail- running water over it to smooth down the odd pieces sticking up towards the front.His shaved sides were longer than he would have liked, but he wasn’t about to try and fix it and have to shower again for the sake of an impression. That also meant he wasn’t going to spend time shaving his face either. The stubble was barely noticeable anyway.   
  
Satisfied, Xev turned off the light and grabbed his fatigue jacket to slip on over his tight fitting, workout tank. Should he probably show up in proper attire? Yes. But would anyone really argue with a man who was almost crippled last night? He’d dare them to try. 

* * *

His boots felt too tight as he walked down the corridor towards Moira’s lab. He had taken the liberty of checking out some of the documents that were presented during the debriefing in the hopes of finding some kind of common ground with Sigma. Obviously talking about his accident was a no go- there was no telling how he’d react to something like that if Post Traumatic Stress Disorder was in play. But Xev knew nothing else about the man other than that and the fact he was from the Netherlands. How was he supposed to convince this guy that Talon wasn’t a threat when he knew so little?

By the time he reached the sliding doors of Moira’s lab, he hadn’t come up with any ideas whatsoever. It was honestly infuriating, but it was his responsibility now- no sense in bitching about something you couldn’t change. Maybe he’d get lucky and they like the same kind of music and food. The doors opened and Moira’s gaze immediately caught Xev’s. “You’re early. Interesting.”

Xev raised a brow questioningly. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, just an observation. Usually I have to come looking for you when I need something from you.”

“And you always find me, don’tcha?”

Rolling her eyes and sighing, Moira turned her attention back onto the table she had been attending to when he walked in. Judging by the number of scattered papers and coffee cups scattered about, she probably hadn’t been to sleep yet. “You’re not very clever when it comes to hiding, Kovock. Now, help me gather a few things and we’ll head to the containment area.”

“How’s he doing? Or do you know?”

“I know that he’s awake and stable, for the moment. It’s the perfect opportunity for us to engage him. Grab these papers and that notebook there. I’ll be taking notes to put into the archives later.” She responded as she pointed out a somewhat neatly stacked pile of papers and a red notebook next to it.   
  
Xev picked up the things she asked and waited by the door for her. “Any ideas of how I should approach this? I reviewed the files we had and can’t really get a common ground with him.”

“Make an educated guess, Kovock. I'm not asking you to woo him, just keep him calm and stable. It’s not as hard as you think.”

“Well sorry, I’m just a little worried about him bringing the building down over our fuckin’ heads.” Xev responded dryly, shooting Moira a cold glare. Why she insisted on always being this stubborn with him was beyond him at this point, but he should be used to it by now. “I’m asking for honest advice here, Moira.”   
  
Stopping just as the doors opened, Moira turned to face Xev with an equally cold stare in return. “And I gave you honest advice. Use it wisely. Now come on, we don’t have all day.”

* * *

  
  
The containment area was larger than Xev had expected. He wasn’t entirely sure how long it had been a part of the facility, but it looked to be an old training room of sorts. The walls put in were fairly new, but the ceiling bore rafters which gave away the fact that it was remodeled for other purposes. There was a small office just before the main containment unit with a number of medical personnel inside. Moira pushed through the door first, and immediately everyone turned to face her.

“How is the subject? Any updates?” Moira asked as she took a position by what Xev assumed to be a two-way pane of glass, looking into the next room right at Subject Sigma. He seemed to be lost in thought, sitting at a desk with his arms crossed and looking up towards the ceiling. This was really the first time Xev had gotten a good look at him, and if he were honest, he didn’t look as terrifying as he had the other night.   
  
“Nothing to report, Doctor O’Deorain. He’s been quiet since he woke up.” A blonde headed woman with dark red lipstick and piercing blue eyes said as she glanced between Moira and Xev. “What’s he doing here?”

“Commander Kovock, this is Doctor Adele Fleur. She will be the one you can report to should I not be around.” Moira said dismissively, paying the woman no mind as she quickly got set up for her note taking. “Fleur, this is Xev Kovock. I don’t believe you two have met.”

Fleur shook her head, then extended her hand out to Xev for him to shake. “No, we haven’t. A pleasure to meet you, monsieur.”   
  
“Pleasure’s all mine. Hope ya don’t mind stupid questions because I’m clueless when it comes to all this science stuff.” Xev responded as he shook her hand firmly. He was nothing if honest.

“Not a problem. That’s what we’re here for, after all. So, I take it you will be conversing with our subject, yes?”   
  
Xev nodded, trying his best to hide the creeping anxiety crawling up his spine. “Afraid so. Reckon this’ll go a lot smoother than our first encounter.”   
  
As if she sensed his worry, Fleur produced a tranquilizer gun similar to the one Xev had carried on his mission last night. “With this, I’m sure it will. We’ll be watching from here and we’ll alert the guards if anything should go wrong. But I have faith in you.”

At least someone did. “Thank ya. I appreciate it. You ready for this Moira or are ya gonna keep me waiting?”   
  
Moira waved her hand as if to shoo him. “Go on. Speak clearly. I can barely understand you with that southern drawl of your’s.”

* * *

Xev entered the room carefully, trying his best not to be too loud or too discourteous in the hopes that would set Doctor de Kuiper’s mood in his favor. De Kuiper didn’t seem to pay him any mind, still completely fascinated by the ceiling. “Good evening Doctor de Kuiper. Apologies if I said that wrong, I’m not familiar with the Dutch language.”

Still, he didn’t look at him- even as Xev stepped forward and took a seat across from him. “Doctor de Kuiper? My name is Xev Kovock. I work for Talon, the organization that rescued you from your captivity.”

As if he seemed to be broken from his trance at the word “captivity”, shaking his head and turning his pale blue eyes on Xev. “Oh, I see. My apologies, I was just thinking. What did you say your name was again?”

Now they were getting somewhere. “Xev Kovock. And don’t worry about it. I’m sure there’s a lot on your mind after everything you’ve been through.”   
  
“Yes… It’s been quite difficult. How do you know who I am, if you don’t mind me asking?”   
  
“Your reputation, mostly. It’s hard to not know your name when you’ve revolutionized the field of astrophysics for so many years.”

That seemed to bring some life to his eyes and got him to smile ever so slightly. “Oh? Are you interested in the field at all?”   
  
“Not exactly. I’m not smart enough for all of that, ya see.” Xev responded with a light chuckle. “Doctor O’Deorain is familiar with your work, however. She was part of the reason we helped you escape.”

Sigma paused, mulling the name over for a moment. “O’Deorain… as in Moira O’Deorain? The famous geneticist?”

“You got it. She’s a colleague of mine”

“I see… To think I would be so well known outside of my field. Fascinating.”   
  
From what Xev could gather, Sigma seemed to be as calm and collected as he could possibly be. What really surprised him was how gentle he seemed when he wasn’t threatening to bring him to a bone crushing demise. Was he really as bad as people made him out to be, if that was the case? Xev would have to figure it out at some point- without him knowing, of course. “I imagine this is all kind of strange to you, but I promise ya we don’t mean ya any harm. In fact, we’d like to work with ya, if you’re interested.”

Again, he paused- as if the proposition was a foreign concept to him all together. “Your accent… are you American perhaps?”   
  
Xev didn’t see why it mattered, but he supposed being held in captivity in your home country for God knows how long makes you curious about other people’s dialect. “Yeah. Born and raised. I’m from Atlanta, Georgia to be precise.”   
  
“I see. I’ve attended conferences there before. It’s… a headache, from what I remember. No offense, of course.”   
  
Xev held up a hand dismissively. “Totally understandable. I haven’t been back there in quite awhile, but it certainly is crowded. You didn’t answer my question though.”   
  
“Yes, well… I would have to hear the proposition in full. I don’t know that I can trust your organization with my work. You understood, don’t you?”

He had a fair point, although Xev wasn’t exactly supposed to be negotiating any terms of service with the guy. In fact, he wasn’t even sure how to go about it even if he did. “Fair enough. Now granted, I’m not at the top of the food chain here, so take what I say with a grain of salt, as it were. But from what I know, if you choose to work with us, you’d be able to research unimpeded. There would be absolutely no restrictions whatsoever, so long as you allow us to work with you. Does that make sense?”

Sigma shook his head. “I don’t quite follow.”

Xev wasn’t entirely sure if the man didn’t understand or if he was just playing dumb. Either way, he needed to come up with something and fast. “Well to put it simply, in exchange for us giving you the facilities and the environment to work in, you would be asked to accompany us on missions. We do all sorts of things, but primarily we deal with the battlefield and politics. We would want access to your research so that we could work with you to develop it further.”

Sigma hummed thoughtfully, bringing a hand up to hold his chin in the process. “I see. But I must warn you, I don’t specialize in the weaponization of my research. That would have to fall on someone else.”

“That can be arranged. You of course would have full input on what happens and what doesn’t. They’re your creations after all.”

“That seems… optimal. Allow me to think about it, if you wouldn’t mind.”

Great. How was he gonna explain this to the Council? Let alone Maximilien. “Not a problem. Just take what I’ve said into consideration. We look forward to working with you, should you decide to join us.”

Now they were both silent. Sigma had took to looking around the room absentmindedly and Xev sat trying to think of a way to keep the conversation going. He wasn’t entirely sure how long he had to talk to Subject Sigma, and if he didn’t use his time wisely then he might as well have stayed in bed.   
  
“So, forgive me if I’m getting too personal here, Doctor but I wanted to ask you about your powers. Are you comfortable talking about them?”   
  
At first, the older man didn’t respond- making Xev think for a moment that he had overstepped an unspoken boundary, or that he didn’t hear him. But then he cleared his throat. “No, I don’t mind talking about them. What would you like to know?”

“Nothing too much, just really curious about your grasp of them. How would you describe your ability to control your powers?”

“Better than I used to, but I’m afraid I still have some… complications from time to time.”

At least he seemed honest enough. Xev didn’t want to give away that he had seen said “complications” first hand, lest he suffer the same experience again, but one of his tasks was to get information, and get it he would. “I can imagine. It must not be easy to control, but you’ve had time to learn a bit more about them, right?”

Sigma nodded. “Of course. But… when the melodies become too much, it’s almost as if I black out. I don’t remember much from those incidents at all. It’s infuriating, to say the least.”   
  
“That’s a shame, but the fact that you’ve made progress says a lot about your capabilities.”

“Thank you, Mr. Kovock… I appreciate that.”

Before Xev could process the small smile that threatened to break across his face, a thought occurred to him. “I don’t mean to change the subject, but have you ate anything since you woke up, Doctor?”   
  
Sigma blinked, caught off guard by the question all together. “Actually I haven’t. I don’t remember the last time I ate, now that I think about it.”

“Well, that won’t do now will it? I’ll have them bring you something. Do you like coffee? Or do you prefer tea?”   
  
“Oh um…” Sigma stammered. “Coffee is fine. Thank you again. I’ve never had someone ask my preference before.”

“Not a problem. This isn’t a prison, after all. We’re obligated to look after you while you’re in our care. Even more so if you join us,” Xev offered as he waved a hand towards the glass pane beneath the table, hoping that someone would get the idea to bring food down. “It’s the least we can do.”

And really it was. There was no telling what would happen to him once he really became useful to Talon- what horrors he’d have to face for the sake of conflict. But everyone had to learn somehow. Sigma was no exception. “I gotta say, I wasn’t expecting you to be so… Gentle- No, kind.”   
  
“Oh, is that right? Were you expecting a monster?” Sigma replied coldly, clearly put off by the comment. In all honesty, yes, but Xev wasn’t about to say that in front of him.

“Not exactly, no. I didn’t mean to offend you, you just weren’t what I was expecting is all.”   
  
“And just what were you expecting, Mr. Kovock?”

“Honestly? I didn’t expect ya to be so talkative. This has been a lovely conversation so far.”

Lovely was a bit of an exaggeration, considering that Xev had been sweating bullets ever since he walked in the door. But the first part of that wasn’t a lie. He thought he was going to have to try a lot hard to hold a steady conversation with Sigma but something must have graced him with the ability to not come off like an asshole at the start of a conversation. “Do you have any questions for me? Anything you’d like to know? I’d be happy to answer.”

Sigma seemed to be interested in that proposition, sitting up in his seat immediately. “Actually, yes. What is your role in all of this? Why would Talon send you to speak with me and not someone with more authority?” 

“Good question, and a good eye. You’re right, I don’t call the shots here at all. My title officially is Strike Commander. I train and oversee all basic operations for our foot soldiers. You could say I’m a veteran here,” Xev responded, trying not to give away too much without seeming suspicious. “As for why they sent me to speak with you, it’s simple. You’ll see me a lot more than you’ll see any of the suits, both on and off the field. We’ll be working together closely, alongside Doctor O’Deorain of course.”

Another pause from the older man, causing Xev to backpedal a little. “You won’t report to me or anything like that. We’ll just be colleagues serving a greater purpose together.”

“Your proposition seems promising, but as I said, I’ll need to think about it.”

Lord this old man was more stubborn than Reaper was. Though it wasn’t unreasonable to grant him the time to think about it, it wouldn’t look good on him to come out of this empty handed. Xev knew Maximilien wouldn’t care to give Sigma the time to consider things, he was patient after all, but Akande and Reaper were another story. Raising a hand in surrender, Xev decided it was better for him to let the subject go for now. “No rush. Food for thought, that’s all.”

Just then, the door to the containment unit opened revealing a short red headed woman who smiled when she stepped into the room. The tray she carried held a variety of foods- sausage, grapes, biscuits, eggs, and grapefruit. “Sorry to interrupt gentlemen. Just bringing this in for the two of you.”

She sat the tray down and provided each of them with a steaming cup of coffee. “I know you’re lactose intolerant, Commander Kovock, so your coffee is just black, but there’s sugar and cream if you should need it.”

Xev smiled up at her. “Thank you., Miss…?”

“Oh! My name’s Claire Holland. I should have introduced myself, I’m sorry!” She responded apologetically. She couldn’t have been more than 25 years old, so she was clearly new to the organization, but Xev couldn’t quite put a finger on where he had seen her before. “Also it’s a pleasure to meet you Doctor de Kuiper. If you need anything, just let us know. We’re here to help.”

God she was so cheerful and such a kiss ass it nearly made Xev laugh. He couldn’t blame her though- not everyone had it in them to be as heartless as Moira or Reaper. Sigma offered a warm smile back to her in return, taking the warm cup of coffee in his hands. “Thank you, mevrouw. Your kindness is greatly appreciated.”   
  
Flustered by the use of the native language, Holland blushed and smiled practically from ear to ear. “No problem! I’ll be back later for the tray. Enjoy yourselves boys.”

With the click of the metallic door, Xev and Sigma were left alone once more- or as alone as one could be with roughly 4 people watching through a two-way glass pane. “It’s nothing fancy, but it still looks pretty good.”   
  
Sigma nodded, sipping from his cup. “I agree. I haven’t had a proper Dutch breakfast in many years.”   
  
“You guys eat a lot of fruit for breakfast, huh? I typically go for protein over anything,” Xev responded as he sipped from his own cup- instant regret flooding his face as the bitterness washed over his tongue. “Damn that coffee’s strong.”

Picking up one of the slices of grapefruit, Sigma examined it briefly before taking a bite and swallowing. “I can’t speak for everyone, but for me, yes. Though I’m not opposed to sausage and the like either.”

“I practically grew up on grits and gravy to the point I’m a little burnt out on it, so I understand the sentiment I guess. But breakfast really isn’t my thing these days.”

“A healthy body equals a healthy mind, Mr. Kovock. Didn’t your mother teach you that growing up?”

Now it was Xev’s turn to pause. He masked it by sipping his coffee once more, then sat his cup down. He hadn’t thought about his mother in years, let alone his family. During the Omnic Crisis, both his parents died and he was left an orphaned teenager in the streets of Atlanta. It wasn’t necessarily something that upset him, per say, but it wasn’t something he opened up to people about- let alone strangers. “Yes, she did. While she was alive, of course.”

“Oh… My apologies, I didn’t mean to-”

Xev held up his hand to silence him. “Don’t worry about it. It’s been a long time. I’ve moved on from that.”

“Still, I apologize. I didn’t know,” Sigma responded apologetically. “If it’s any consolation, I can barely remember my parents.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Were they taken during the Crisis or…?”

Shaking his head, Sigma took another bite from his grapefruit. “No. Natural causes. I’m older than you think, Mr. Kovock.”

How old was he again? Xev couldn’t recall for the life of him- in fact he wasn’t even sure it said in the files he had received. Judging by his looks though, he appeared to be either in his late 50’s or early 60’s, but he couldn’t be sure. “Small world, so do I.”

“And just how old are you?”

“I’ll be 42 in July, actually.” Xev answered, picking at a piece of the thicker sausage and coupling it with a biscuit. 

Sigma looked beside himself. Was it really that hard to believe that he was this old? Sure being on testosterone gave him the appearance of looking younger but he thought that would have worn off after nearly 20 years. “Now that, I find hard to believe.”

“Why would I lie? I have nothing to gain from lying. It’s not like I’m trying to impress you on a date, Doctor.”

That seemed to fluster Sigma as his next sip of coffee was choked on briefly. Xev chuckled. “Relax doc, I was only joking. Don’t hurt yer’self.”

“I’m aware. I just… wasn’t expecting that from a stranger.”   
  
“Sorry if I offended ya. Didn’t mean any harm.”

They ate in relative silence for the next 15 or so minutes, enjoying their coffee and food. It was a little awkward at first but it eventually became a comfortable silence. Moira was probably throwing a fit on the other side of the glass, but so long as Xev got results she couldn’t bitch at him. If nothing else, he at least established himself as a reliable source of company for Sigma- and wasn’t that the point anyway?

“Anything else you want to ask me before I get going. Doctor de Kuiper?” Xev asked as he wiped his mouth with a napkin from the tray.

Sigma did the same, but placed all of his garbage on the tray neatly. “No, I think I’m fine for now.”

“Alright, well, it was good talking to you. Think about what I said and don’t hesitate to ask one of our staff for anything,” Xev responded with a small, polite smile. He’d consider this little mission a success. He established a connection with the subject and hopefully got enough information out of him to satisfy Moira till tomorrow. “I’ll be around. Currently on medical leave due to an injury, so should you need some company, have them page me.”

Offering a small smile in return, Sigma folded his hands neatly on the table. “I see. Well, I hope you recover soon, Mr. Kovock. It was a pleasure meeting you as well.”

“See ya around.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, another chapter and it still hasn't been a week. I'm weak okay, I need to feed myself in these trying times.
> 
> Still not at the romance, sadly. I really wanted to kind of explore the beginning of their interactions and give Sigma a little more background lore because god knows Blizzard isn't going to do it. It's not much right now but I plan on expanding it in the near future. I also want you guys to really get to know Xev because he's kind of the whole reason I started writing this anyway.
> 
> For clarification, the tin mentioned in this fic is based similarly to my pocket altar that I keep on me. I am a practicing Pagan that works with Prometheus regularly and while that won't play a huge role in Xev's character, it is a neat little thing to consider for later chapters. We will come back to that, I promise but I wanted to clarify that so no one comes for me for just throwing random things into a fic for filler.
> 
> Let me know what you guys think! I appreciate any and all comments I get, and of course kudos and bookmarks are appreciated.
> 
> Follow me on twitter for updates on the fic and general ramblings about my overwatch mishaps:
> 
> Personal twt: @shinsgay  
> Art twt: @LoganBootheArt_


	5. Rest Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, good company is all you need.

“That went rather well, I have to say,” Moira said as she walked in stride with Xev. They had left the containment area a short while ago and were on the way back to the lab, leaving Sigma at the mercy of Doctor Fleur and others. “I thought for sure he would have remained silent, all things considering.”

Xev had been shocked as well, a sentiment he shared in their conversation together. Given the man’s reputation and condition, it was a wonder he was able to grasp even simple conversation. “Yeah, it threw me off too. But he seems nicer than the files would have you believe.”   
  
“Don’t underestimate him, Kovock. He’s a tool for us to use, nothing more,” Moira responded dryly, pushing past Xev to step through the doors first. “I have no doubt that he’s playing some kind of game here. It’s up to you to see through it first.”

He supposed she had a point, but that was awfully presumptuous of her. In fact, it was almost out of character for Moira to jump to a conclusion like that so quickly. Even if Sigma had ulterior motives, who’s to say they were necessarily sinister? Maybe he was just trying to insure that he would be protected- that Talon would hold up their end of the deal and allow him to continue his research unimpeded. That was reasonable… Right? 

“Either way, I think we should give him some space. Let him get comfy with us first and then see if we can work with him from there.”

“Agreed,” Moira acknowledged, carefully setting her notebook down at her lab table and leaning against the edge of it. The fatigue was showing more now- the way her eyes remained half lidded and the frequency of her yawning were a dead give away at this point. “I’ll speak with Maximilien and inform him of what we’ve discovered so far. We’ll need to make preparations for any special equipment Doctor de Kuiper may need, as well as possibly locate a facility for him to relocate to.”

“Relocate? You mean you’d actually send him off on his own?”

Agitated with Xev’s obliviousness, Moira huffed in annoyance. “Not permanently. Use your head Kovock. His research could easily be picked up by Dutch intelligence if we allow him to work here all the time. It’s best if we keep moving him to avoid suspicion.”

“Well, we rotate base operations once every 3 to 6 months anyway. Wouldn’t we wanna keep a closer eye on him?”

“Of course. I’m not suggesting we send him to Antarctica, but it may benefit him to have his own facility to develop his powers at his own pace. If we try to force him, there’s no telling the consequences right now.”

Xev crossed his arms gingerly, too afraid of irritating his back to lean against anything at the moment. Finding a remote facility to send him to wouldn’t necessarily be easy, but it would give everyone some peace of mind if he snaps and ends up destroying things. Better for him to be somewhere that wasn’t a heavily trafficked headquarters building and bring the roof down. “... I get your point now. Guess that means I’ll be traveling with him when he goes, right?”

“That is entirely dependent on the circumstances, but generally speaking, yes,” Moira answered as she pinched the bridge of her nose. “This won’t happen for quite some time, of course. He has to prove that he’ll be a good lap dog just as you did.”

Rolling his eyes, and knowing damn well that Moira couldn’t see him doing so with her eyes closed, Xev cast his gaze over to the monstrous amount of coffee cups piled just beyond Moira’s form. It was astounding to see her so rattled like this when all they ever saw was her trademark smugness and poised appearance. “You should get some sleep. You’re even grouchier when you’re tired.”

“I don’t need you telling me what to do. I could have figured that out on my own,” She spat back harshly, further proving Xev’s point. “I need you to speak with Reaper. He wanted to be updated as soon as we finished speaking with Subject Sigma. If he needs to speak with me, it can wait till later.”

“Sure thing, boss. See you around.”

* * *

Reaper was not an easy man to track down for a number of reasons; namely because he had a tendency to just up and disappear for “special missions”. Most of the troops were terrified of him and wouldn’t have a clue as to where he would be, so Xev didn’t bother even asking them for a hint. Maximilien wasn’t even at headquarters today, so it was unlikely he’d be with the Council for anything either.   
  
Luck happened upon Xev after about an hour of searching as he managed to run into both him and Akande speaking just outside the Council rooms. “Afternoon, gentlemen. Yer a hard man to track down, ya know that Reaper?”

“That’s the point, Kovock. What do you want with me?” Reaper responded coldly, the white panes of his mask a striking contrast to the rest of his usual get up. Akande seemed interested in what Xev had to say, for better or worse. At least he seemed to be in a better mood than Death itself over here.   
  
“Moira and I established a connection with Subject Sigma early this morning. He’s surprisingly talkative for a man with a fractured psyche.”

“You don’t say? I’m surprised he didn’t lash out at you, given he nearly broke you in half,” Akande spoke up, giving Xev a quick once over. “Though you don’t seem to be too bad off. How are you feeling?”

“Sore. Moira’s done her job well enough though that as long as I keep off of active duty for the next month or so, I should make a full recovery in no time,”” Or at least, he hoped. Moira was very rarely ever wrong, but given Xev’s penchant for bad luck, it wouldn’t surprise him if something happened to prevent a full recovery. “But as for the incident, he doesn’t remember it from what we can gather.”   
  
“Good. Until your return, I’ll be assisting Reaper with the training of the soldiers- Which is what we were just talking about before you came along.”

“I’m sure my men will be thrilled. I hope they don’t cause you guys any trouble, but if they do, feel free to put ‘em in their place,” Xev said almost sarcastically. They knew better than to give anyone trouble, let alone the two men who could easily crush them in one fell swoop. “Moira’s retired for the evening. I imagine we won’t be seeing her all that much today.”

Reaper scoffed. “Burning the candle at both ends, per the usual. She’s got her work cut out for her now though, so I imagine we won’t be seeing her hardly at all.”   
  
“Probably, but she’s stubborn. You know that.”   
  
“Yes, I do, but forget about that. What did you two manage to dig up this morning?”

Recounting the conversation to the best of his ability, Xev explained that Sigma had appeared to be well put together, for the most part. Outside of the revelation that he blacks out during his “episodes”, he acknowledged the fact that he had some control over his powers- but it was possible he didn’t fully understand them just yet. He purposefully left out the parts where they got off topic but emphasized that he pitched the proposal as they had asked.   
  
“I think we can make this work to our advantage. If we give him time to get used to things, he’ll come around. He seemed to be happy about the prospect of continuing his research,” Xev finished as he pulled his pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lit one. “Moira agrees, but she thinks it’s best that we keep moving him so that no one will be able to trace his whereabouts.”

Akande nodded. “Nothing gets by her does it? Very well. I’ll speak with Maximilien when he gets back. I believe he’ll be on the same page.”   
  
“That means you’ll have to move with him, isn’t that right?” Reaper asked as he pointed a taloned finger at Xev.    
  
“Unfortunately, yes. But Moira will keep me on for missions and the like, or so so she says.”

It wouldn’t be easy to do, but anything was possible if Moira had a say in it. This wouldn’t be the first time they’ve had to make arrangements for him and it more than likely wouldn’t be the last. The only problem is that they’ll have to make do without a coordinator for the other soldiers- something Reaper would have to do until Xev returns; Much like he’s having to do now.   
  
“Just as long as I don’t have to keep doing your job for you, I don’t care.”

“I hope that we can reach an agreement soon. There’s a lot riding on this, as I’m sure you’re aware, Commander Kovock,” Akande said. “I wish you luck in looking after him.”

“I won’t disappoint, rest assured.”

* * *

The rest of the evening Xev spent time in his room, doing his best to rest as he was ordered but trying to quell his boredom. His days over the last few years left him with little time to himself between missions, briefings, and training. Of course he never complained, but the reality of it started to settle in after he couldn’t force himself to focus on the book he had been trying to read.

Xev didn’t have many hobbies as it were- he used to draw and play music, but when he started to travel as a mercenary, he lost interest in a lot of it. And it wasn’t like he had any family he could talk to. Just as he had managed to get himself to focus on the words on the page, the chime of an incoming call came from the speaker on his ceiling.

“Good evening, Commander Kovock. You have an incoming call from Doctor Fleur in Containment. Would you like to answer?” Prometheus asked politely, as it always did.

“Yes, put me through.”

It took a second for the call to come through. “Hello Kovock. I hope I’m not waking you from your resting duties.”

“Not at all, Doctor Fleur. I was just reading. What can I do for you?”

“Subject Sigma is requesting your company. I’m not entirely sure why, but I was wondering if you were available to come speak with him again?”

That was strange, but Xev supposed it wouldn’t hurt him to make his way back down and speak with the poor guy. “Sure. You’ll have to give me a moment though. Takes a little bit to get around now.”

“Not a problem, _monsieur_. We’ll let him know that you’re on your way. Thank you for your cooperation.”

And with that, Fleur hung up and left Xev to get ready. 

* * *

He didn’t change, finding it beside the point to begin with, but he did bring along the book he had been reading and a small audio recorder tucked away in his pocket. Moira might be asleep still and she might appreciate the initiative of recording his own notes while she’s out of it. 

“Sorry it took me so long. Do you need to check me for anything before I head in or?” Xev asked as he entered the side room and was instantly greeted by the many nurses and doctors there.   
  
“No, but I will be giving you the same tranquilizer from earlier in the event of him having an episode,” Fleur explained, handing the gun over to Xev and watching him tuck it away in his jacket pocket. “He’s been relatively well behaved all day, though he does talk to himself quite a lot.”

“Can ya blame him? He’s been cooped up all this time and god only knows what they did to him while he was there.”

“That is true. I think you should be safe though. We’ll be watching from the window.”

“Thanks for havin’ my back. I’ll see you guys in a bit.”

* * *

Sigma had taken to pacing his room now- or rather floating from place to place. It wasn’t necessarily concerning but it certainly was a sight to walk into. “Evenin’ doc. You called for me?”

“Good evening, Mr. Kovock. I apologize for taking up more of your time,” Sigma said as he turned his attention on the younger man. “You seem to be doing better than you were earlier. How are your injuries?”

“Ah, they’re alright I suppose. I’m doing my best though to keep it together. Did you need something or did you just wanna chat?”   
  
“I uh… just wanted to chat is all. I’m not left with many things to do here I’m afraid.”

“Understandable. Hold on, I might have something that’d interest ya,” Xev said as he dug his hand into his pants pocket to produce a holopen. He figured giving him anything sharp was probably a no go, and it would be a pain to ask for paper all the time. With this he would be able to do whatever he wanted without having to bother anyone. “It’s not a lot but maybe you can make use of it.”

He handed the pen over to Sigma, watching as the older man cracked the smallest of smiles at the gesture. “Thank you. I can work through some equations with this actually.”   
  
“No problem. I brought a book for myself just in case, but I didn’t want to come here empty handed for ya.”

“Oh? What kind of book is it, Mr. Kovock?”

Xev’s taste in books were all over the place, to put it frankly. He went through periods where biographies and non-fiction were his thing, and other times he would dive head first into various genres of fiction. Horror and thrillers were always something he enjoyed no matter what though, as he grew up reading the older works of Stephen King- thanks to his mother of course.    
  
“It’s just a biography of an artist I particularly like. Caravaggio was a famous Italian painter in the late 1500’s. His artwork tends to be heavy on the contrast, but one of his methods was to use the 3 primaries to create emphasis in his work,” Xev explained as he held the book up. “I just finished a book on Vincent Van Gogh not too long ago.”   
  
Sigma hummed. “I see. The arts are truly fascinating. I’ve been to the Van Gogh museum many times, but I don’t believe I’m familiar with Caravaggio.”

“His most famous work is the “Judith Beheading Holofernes” from his early career.. I’ve only seen it once in my life but the detail in it is astounding. Do you like art or anything, Doctor de Kuiper?”   
  
“I do actually, though I’m more of a music person myself,” Sigma responded, waving his hand and pulling the chair over to Xev for him to sit down. “Sit down, You’re supposed to be resting when you’re injured.”

How thoughtful. Taking the seat with a quick thanks, Xev immediately sat his book down and brought his hands up to the now messy ponytail at the back of his head. He pulled the hair tie out and ran a hand through his now freed hair, massaging the tips of his fingers into his scalp. “Sorry, this thing’s giving me a headache.”

For a moment, Sigma just stared at him, watching as the hair moved to cover the shaved sides of the younger man’s head. He wasn’t used to seeing men with longer hair, but then again how many men had he seen since he had been captured? “By all means, make yourself comfortable. It’s not a problem to me.”   
  
Now that he was a little more comfortable, Xev crossed one leg over the other and rested his back against the back of the chair. “So music huh? What kind of music do you like?”   
  
“Classical, mostly. I was never a fan of modern music, but that’s not to say I hate it.”   
  
“Can’t say I blame you. Back when I was younger the thing was a lot of mumble rap and I never cared for it. Rock was my go to, especially when I was having to walk a few blocks to work by myself,” Xev expressed nonchalantly. He hadn’t thought about those times where he had to walk to his night job alone in many years, and perhaps he should keep it that way. “There’s this new musician going around though. Name’s Lucio I believe. I like his stuff.”

“I’m not familiar, but I trust your tastes.”   
  
“So music is more your thing, what kind of books do you like to read? I might be able to get you some since I’m not scheduled for much for awhile.” If Xev had to guess what kind of books Sigma liked, he would guess anything relating to science and space, but he may just be surprised.

“It’s been so long since I’ve had the chance to indulge in any reading that I can’t say for sure what it is that I particularly,” Sigma acknowledged. “I suppose I enjoy biographies and scientific journals more than anything.”   
  
“Makes sense. You’re really dedicated to your field huh?”

Sigma nodded as the holopen seemed to come to life and write out equations around him. “Yes. My life’s work is dedicated to the furtherance of astrophysics. The universe is just… fascinating to me.”   
  
Space was something that interested Xev as well, but not to the degree that he would dedicate his life to studying it. Back when he was younger, astrology and the study of planets and stars played an important role in his practice of witchcraft, but like most things in his life, the interest waned over time. However, space was also something that terrified him a little bit. It was something so vast and we knew so little that it was hard to tell what was out there. He felt the same way about the ocean, but that was more a general fear of getting eaten alive by virtually everything he couldn’t see.   
  
“Space kind of scares me, not gonna lie, but that’s just because I don’t understand it. Fear of the unknown and all that.”

“The universe is very complex. I don’t expect you to know much about me, especially as a mercenary,” Sigma responded, almost as if he were mocking Xev playfully. “We may never fully understand it in our lifetime, but that doesn’t stop me from trying.”

Xev watched the holopen briefly as it continued to write equations like it had a mind of it’s own. All the symbols and numbers were beyond his understanding. “Maybe ya can teach me a thing or two, but I’ll be honest, math goes over my head all the time.”   
  
Sigma laughed at that. That was progress. “Perhaps I can. Just leave the math to me.”   
  
“I’ve never been good at math. Even in school I was shit at it.”   
  
“Maybe you just didn’t have a good teacher.”

Xev shrugged. “Maybe, or maybe I was just a dumb teenager who didn’t pay attention in class.”

“Ah, you weren’t a good student then. Why am I not surprised by this revelation?”   
  
“Good question,” Xev said with another shrug. “I like to think I wasn’t a bad student, just had more important things to focus on.”   
  
In all reality, Xev didn’t remember much from going to school. He graduated, sure, but he didn’t have any friends to speak of and he was below average. Being constantly at war with yourself just didn’t lend itself well to trying to pay attention to someone who talked to you like you were an inept toddler. That, and he was still presenting as a female at the time, so that certainly didn’t help matters.   
  
“And just what were you focusing on so intensely that you couldn’t be bothered to check your math?”

“Would you believe me if I said something like girls? Because if you did, you’d be wrong.”

Shaking his head and chuckling, Sigma smirked. “You don’t strike me as the type to be chasing after women with all do respect, Mr. Kovock.”

“You can just call me Xev, no need for the formal shit,” Xev countered. “But what’s that supposed to mean? What do you think I was doing instead of listening in class?”

“If I had to take a guess, sleeping. You strike me as someone who procrastinates- not lazy, perhaps, but something along those lines.”

Ouch. He wasn’t technically wrong, but lazy wasn’t something Xev would use to describe himself. Work ethic was something he had developed to a fine point over the years, but it was built on the foundation he started when his parents passed away. He didn’t have a choice after all- even with the help of various care takers in the orphanage, he still did a lot of things on his own; Cooking, cleaning, and getting himself the care he needed medically. It was just when it came to school he couldn’t find the motivation to care all that much.

Sigma took a moment to think, eyes training over Xev’s form and then up to the ceiling like he did before. “Or maybe you were just one word off in your last statement.”

“And what word would that be, Doctor de Kuiper?”

“Replace girls with boys. Am I correct in my assumption?”

Now it was Xev’s turn to be quietly surprised. Aside from his gender, his sexuality was also something he didn’t disclose to many people. For a lot of the same reasons as his gender, he didn’t trust people to just accept who he was for any reason. But Sigma had hit the nail on the head and had only spoken to him twice now.   
  
“... How did you guess that if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Simple. I simply laid the bait and you bit. I didn’t actually know, but I had a theory.”

“Well, I’ll be damned. You’re not wrong, by the way, if it’s any consolation to ya,” Xev responded, still a little dumbfounded. “That doesn’t leave this room though, understand? I don’t need people in my business like that.”

Holding a hand with his palm up, Sigma’s face remained neutral. “Your secret is safe with me. It’s not like I’d be able to tell anyone here anyway, even if I wanted to.”   
  
It could have been a ploy, but for some reason, Xev felt he could trust Sigma to keep that secret safe. If nothing else, the fact that he had limited contact with anyone in the facility was enough of a comfort in and of itself. He’d have to be careful around him though since his eyes were that sharp. 

Xev checked his watch and saw that it was nearly 9 PM now. He’d missed dinner. “Ah shit. Didn’t realize it was getting late.”   
  
“What time is it?”

“9 PM. I missed dinner apparently, which means I’ll more than likely be going to bed hungry tonight.”

“I see… I apologize, that’s my fault,” Sigma replied as his face fell into a sullen expression. “I ate shortly before you arrived.”

Xev waived his hand to dismiss his concerns. This wasn’t the first time he had missed a meal. He’d be fine for awhile since he had breakfast and lunch. “Not your fault. I should have been paying more attention. I can get something small when I leave. I don’t eat much anyway.”

“Don’t let me keep you here if you need to leave. I appreciate your time here and our conversation has been lovely.”

Lovely huh? Interesting choice of words. There wasn’t anything Xev needed to do, but he supposed it wouldn’t be good to keep the rest of the staff waiting on him to leave for the night. They had to sleep sometime. “I should probably get some sleep. I imagine Doctor O’Deorain will be seeing you tomorrow to discuss things more in depth.”   
  
“I look forward to meeting her. Goodnight, Mr- I mean, Xev.”

“Good night, Doctor de Kuiper.”   
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter done and we're moving along at a decent pace I think. I've yet to figure out exactly what the next chapter will hold but rest assured I have some ideas. Just gotta string them together. This chapter is more of just building Xev's character up and introducing you guys to him before we really get into any of the relationship stuff with Sigma. And yes, that is where this is going, I promise. Just bare with me, I'm doing my best! Also if there's anything in particular you guys would like to know about Xev, feel free to let me know. I can either answer you right away or I'll simply just work it into the story at some point.
> 
> In other news I started work back on Thursday and I can already tell that it's going to be rough. My company, who's name I will not disclose in fear of getting fired, is trying it's best to justify us remaining open even though our sales are down from not being able to take cash and to say people aren't happy would be an understatement. I have a feeling that I'll have to deal with more than just the usual stupidity but I'll just have to deal with it on a case by case basis. Here's to hoping I don't end up getting fired for telling someone to fuck off.
> 
> It's nearly 5 AM and I have to be at work at 3:30, but I do plan on keeping my stream schedule as promised. If I get completely drained from work it won't happen but you can always check out my other stream clips if you're interested. Check my twitter for updates on that as the day goes on.
> 
> Art twt: @LoganBootheArt_  
> Personal twt: @shinsgay


	6. Acceptance and Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sigma agrees to work with Talon and Xev is charged with getting him ready for an upcoming mission. Sombra returns and spends time with Xev.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might have mentioned this before but I do not speak a whole lot of Spanish or French. My primary language is English and the only other language I speak relatively well is Russian. Please forgive any errors in translation as I only have google translate to rely on.

Xev hadn’t done much at all for the remainder of the week, besides read in his room and go see Sigma in containment once every other day. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it started to lose it’s charm by Saturday as he slowly was running out of things to talk about. Moira had suggested learning more about whatever physics mumbo-jumbo he liked, but it was so far over his head he’d have a better chance of learning the entire US Constitution by heart. Despite him not understanding a word of what he said though, Xev still listened to what Sigma had to say. To him, it was a little inspiring to hear someone ramble about something they were passionate about. He envied it, honestly.   
  
Today was no different; Xev brought down two cups of coffee, one black and the other with a bit of half-and-half creamer, an audio recorder, and whatever book he happened to be reading at the time. It wasn’t much, but it at least gave them something to talk about when the conversation started to slow down. Not that either of them minded the silence from time to time- it was more of a courtesy than anything.   
  
“Mornin’, Doctor de Kuiper,” Xev announced as he entered the containment room, eyes falling on Sigma’s floating form as he busied himself with equations, per the usual. He sat the cup of coffee intended for the doctor on his side of the table. “Busy already, huh?”    
  
“These problems won’t solve themselves, Mr. Kovock,” Sigma responded with a knowing, smart ass smile on his face. “But thank you for the coffee. You’re too kind.”

“I’ve told ya you can call me Xev. And you’re welcome. It’s a little hot though so be careful.”   
  
Flinching subtly at the call out. Xev had had to correct him a number of times and insisted that he drop the formalities with him, but it was like it went in one ear and out the other. “Sorry. Slip of the tongue.”

It had been about two days since they last got to sit down and talk, if only because Xev had been busy running between meetings and visits to Moira’s lab for updates on his condition. Out of the two, one of them went relatively well. And it wasn’t the meetings. “So, aside from your usual sciencey stuff, what else have you been up to since we last talked?”   
  
“You do realize “sciencey” isn’t a word, correct?” He responded with a side glance in Xev’s direction. “Aside from that, however, I’ve been reading the book you suggested. I remember hearing about it now.”

The book in question was called Child Of God by Cormac McCarthy- an older and painfully short book about a man slowly losing his grip on reality as he eventually becomes a serial killer. Xev had brought it up as one of his favorites and Sigma had asked if he could borrow his copy to read when he couldn’t sleep. While Xev didn’t necessarily recommend he read it before trying to sleep, he wasn’t about to turn the man away when the boredom was clearly taking its toll on him.

“Oh really? Did you like it?”

“It was… intense. I wasn’t expecting that kind of atmosphere from such a short book,” Sigma responded as the holopen came to a halt in mid air. “I also wasn’t expecting it to take the turn it did. It’s not exactly my favorite kind of story, but it was still good.”

“That’s fair. McCarthy isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. I personally like his take on the human experience. Not many authors will tread the line of being extreme like he does, in my opinion.”

“I’ve noticed you have a taste for the philosophical, so that doesn’t surprise me in the slightest.”   
  
“He was apparently very interested in the sciences, and to be more specific, physics.”

That seemed to catch Sigma’s interest a little more as his face got a little brighter. Xev could tell when he was excited about the prospect of something by the way his eyes lit up and the way his lips curved ever so slightly into a smile that he tried to hide. “You don’t say. I suppose that makes sense. He seems very methodical in the way he writes and crafts his worlds.”

“Right. You can definitely tell it influences the way he presents things too. Less of the bullshit and straight to the point.”   
  
“And the point is explicit violence, yes?”

Xev nodded and grinned. “Ya got it all figured out. If you want I can start bringing books down for you. I’m sure Moira has access to those science journals you like from her tenure at Oasis.”

“That would help me with my research greatly, actually. I need to catch up on everything I missed while I was… imprisoned.” For some reason, Sigma didn’t talk much about what happened while he was in the government’s custody. If Xev had to take an educated guess, he was probably subjected to extreme isolation for the purposes but there was probably much more to it than that.   
  
He was not expert by any means, but Xev did know that with any kind of prolonged isolation there was bound to be some sort of trauma or illness that comes to the forefront. Sigma often talked to himself, that was a give away that things weren’t quite alright in his head, but it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. When you’re forced to be by yourself, it’s only natural that you would retreat into your own mind- at least, it made sense to him.   
  
“I’ll talk to her about it. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind,” Xev responded finally, sipping his coffee slowly to avoid burning his mouth. “Have you made a decision yet on what you want to do Doctor de Kuiper? The suit’s are eagerly awaiting your answer.”

Sigma also sipped his coffee, though he took a more generous sip than Xev had- like his coffee wasn’t nuclear hot to begin with. “Actually… I have. After our last conversation I realized that you were right.”   
  
The last time Xev was here and posed the same question, he didn’t get a definite answer from the older man. He had been instructed to get one one way or another, so he had to come up with another angle to approach the topic. In all reality, Sigma didn’t have a choice about working with Talon; It was either work with them or be killed. Maximilien had expressed numerous times that it was imperative that they get their hands on his research before anyone else did. It would be catastrophic if it were used against them and would leave them empty handed to investors. All of that was bad for business, and that was all Maximilien cared about.   
  
So Xev had to take a low ball route about things. “I mean, you are a fugitive of the law now. It’s not like you’d be able to return to your home country, or go anywhere without them looking for you.”

“Yes, I’m well aware.”   
  
“And at least in working with us, you’re not only able to do as you please, you’re protected. Talon does it’s due diligence in protecting its assets.”

He purposefully left out the detail that if he were to say no, he would never know peace again because the point was moot anyway.   
  
Sigma nodded. “Very well. I believe this partnership will benefit us both in the end anyhow.”   
  
That was one less thing Xev would have to worry about in the next meeting at least. “Happy to hear it. Doctor O’Deorain will also be happy to be working alongside another great mind,” Xev responded cheerfully. “She gets annoyed with me and my stupid questions. Says my brain is wasted on a perfectly fine body.”   
  
“You two seem to get along well enough. I would have never guessed she disliked your company,” Sigma said, clearly entertained by the revelation. “I personally think you’re highly intelligent, but you choose not to hone it. You prefer brawn to brains.”   
  
“I don’t know about that. I’m not exactly ripped either. You on the other hand are in great shape.”   
  
“I take my health very seriously. A proper diet and exercise makes for a healthy body-”

“And a healthy mind,” Xev interrupted, almost mockingly. “I know. At any rate, I’ll need to share the good news with the others. I imagine you’ll be meeting the rest of them soon.”   
  
“I look forward to it.”   


* * *

“So he’s _finally_ agreed. About damned time,” Reaper uttered angrily from his spot at the Council table. “I was beginning to think it was a waste of time bringing him here in the first place.”   
  
Moira just smirked at him with the biggest shit eating grin following it. “Someone seems to be in a bad mood.”   
  
“Enough. This is a wonderful opportunity to expand our horizons. We should be grateful that Doctor de Kuiper has decided to join us,” Maximilien countered from the head of the table, shooting both Moira and Reaper pointed looks- if that were even possible. “Thank you for your contributions to this effort, Commander Kovock. You’ll be rewarded aptly.”

Xev sat with his arms crossed as he stood against the wall, not dignified enough to have a seat at the table apparently. “It was my pleasure. I’ll continue to work with him as we’ve arranged.”   
  
“Speaking of that, we have a mission for your squad and Sigma to handle,” Moira said as she pressed a button on the center console on the table. The holoscreens hummed to life instantly. “It won’t be for a few months, since you’re still on recovery, but it will be a simple business exchange with the current leader of the Deadlock Gang. You’re familiar with them, right Commander Kovock?”   
  
“Somewhat. Never met any of them personally but I know of at least one former member.”   
  
Moira nodded in acknowledgement. “Yes. Jesse McCree was once part of this band of imbeciles, but he’s not part of the picture anymore. Currently, they are being lead by a woman named Elizabeth Caledonia “Calamity” Ashe.”

Someone either really loved their kid, or really hated them. “That’s… a mouthful. Got a code name for her or somethin’?”   
  
“She goes by Ashe, so we’re told. Formalities with her don’t seem to exist so you should be fine calling her that unless she states otherwise. But that’s beside the point,” Moira articulated, putting a picture of the woman in question and a large omnic. “The Deadlock Gang currently holds territory in the southern part of Arizona. They conduct a number of crimes but very recently they were responsible for a weapons heist on Route 66.”   
  
“What kind of weapons? Or am I permitted to ask?”   
  
“Nothing particularly unusual. It was en route to be delivered to the coast guard in Los Angeles. A simple supply drop, if we had to guess.”

“Guess? You’re telling me you don’t even know what it is that they have but yet ya want it that badly?” Xev questioned, unfolding his arms and raising a brow skeptically. He highly doubted that they were acting on nothing more than a simple hunch, they just didn’t want to tell him for whatever reason. 

“We need supplies that we can readily experiment with for this new technology. If we use what we have here, a lot of your squads will be without equipment. Is that what you want, Commander Kovock?” Moira countered threateningly.   
  
Xev paused then, checking himself before he opened his mouth again. “... Fine. Get on with it. Are we stealing these weapons or are we negotiating?”   
  
“Negotiating, however, it may come to conflict knowing how these individuals can be,” Maximilien interjected. “If we can do this peacefully, it works out better for both our organizations.”   
  
Xev looked between Moira and the photos of Ashe and the omnic. She didn’t seem like much of a threat, but things were rarely as they appeared when it came to this line of work. “Fair enough. What exactly are we bringing to the table then? Or am I supposed to figure something out on my own?”

“It’s simple. All that we ask in return for the weapons is an established truce between our two organizations,” Maximilien continued. “While we’ve yet to have any involvement with them, it’s possible that they could become a problem in our future endeavors. The less trouble we have to deal with, the better. Besides, this will be an excellent experience for Doctor de Kuiper.”   
  
“Uh huh. And how do ya figure that? The man has no known combat experience and we still don’t know what triggers his episodes. I’m all for giving him experience, but that’s risky even for us don’tcha think?”   
  
Sometimes Xev swore that they were purposefully setting him up to fail. How many times was he going to have to express the fact that Subject Sigma was still “unstable”? He knew they didn’t care whether he lived or died, but a newly acquired asset? “Forgive my skepticism, I just want this to go over well and give you the results you want. That’s the whole point, right?”   
  
“I have part of that covered, Kovock,” Akande spoke up finally, having sat silently listening the entire time. “Moira has been able to develop a set of equipment based on my gauntlet. The details are beyond me, but in the months leading up to this operation, we’ll have to test them.”   
  
“And so you want me to be the one to get him fit for combat? Am I readin’ ya right?”   
  
“Precisely,” Moira interjected. “I will be assisting you in this matter. We won’t be conducting this training in front of an audience, however. You’re involvement in this is to remain strictly confidential. If anyone should ask, you can have them speak with Reaper about it. He’ll be more than happy to silence their concerns.”   
  
At least that meant he didn’t have to explain to his squad why a 62 year old physicist was being asked to train for combat. “We’ll have to get creative then. I can handle it, just give me the space and the time. I’ll have him ready for it.”   
  
Maximilien seemed to hum approvingly, leaning back in his seat with his folded together. “I’m glad we’ve reached an understanding, Commander Kovock. We have faith in your capabilities as always.”   
  
Translation: Don’t disappoint us. Like he would ever dream of ever actively trying to disappoint them in the first place. “Understood, sir. But I got one more question. Who’s the omnic? Why’s he pictured with her?”   
  
“Oh. From what intelligence we have gathered, the omnic’s name is Bob. It appears to be Ash’es bodyguard,” Maximilien commented. “It’s likely she won’t come to this negotiation on her own, as it follows her wherever she goes.”   
  
“So a robot bodyguard huh. Is it deadly?”   
  
“Very. According to our informant, he is heavily armed with cannons built into his arms. He is also large in size and functions like a bulldozer, so to speak.”   
_   
_ _Fantastic_. So not only did he have to worry about pissing off the gang itself, but he’d have this asshole to deal with if he did? “Alright. I’ll be sure to take EMP rounds with us when we go. That’s all I have to say on the subject.”   
  
“Good. Now moving on to the next matter of business,” Maximilien said as he took control of the holoscreen and swapped the pictures of Ashe and Bob for a picture of one Tekhartha Mondatta. “At the same time, we will have Widowmaker on a mission to King’s Row in the United Kingdom. Her target is Tekhartha Mondatta- a pillar of light and hope for the omnic rights movement.”   
  
Xev sat back quietly as he listened to the briefing of Widowmaker’s mission. It didn’t concern him as much, so it didn’t matter if he paid that much attention. He was already trying to figure out ways he could train de Kuiper- because standard military training was not going to cut it for this situation. He already guessed that they wouldn’t be putting a gun in the man’s hands, so it was a question of what exactly they expected him to do. And if Moira had anything to do with it, it would be more complicated than necessary.   
  
Once the briefing was over and they were dismissed, Xev pulled a cigarette from his pack. There were only two left, which meant he would have to voyage out later to get more. “Amigo, long time no see,” the familiar voice of Sombra echoed from behind him and Xev turned around to see nothing there. A touch to his shoulder signaled that she was in front of him now, a smug grin on her face. “You haven’t changed much at all if you’re still falling for that trick.”   
  
“Yeah well, normal people just greet each other ya know,” Xev countered, lighting his cigarette and taking a long drag from it. “You’ve been pretty busy lately. Haven’t seen ya around in awhile.”   
  
“A girl’s gotta make money somehow. Besides, I’ve been doing Max’s dirty work for him since Christmas,” Sombra said with a shrug. She was always so carefree and had an air of mischievousness to her at all times. If Xev hadn’t gotten used to her, it would have put him on edge every time. “I was the one who got the dirt on the old man, or did they not tell you that?”   
  
“I had a hunch. There isn’t much you won’t dig your hands into, especially when it comes to government databases.”   
  
“Or your browser history,” she quipped back with a laugh at Xev’s blank expression. “Are you done with all those boring meetings? I’ve been dying to spend some down time at this restaurant here in town but could never find the time.”   
  
“You askin’ me on a date? Ain’t I a little old for you Sombra?” Xev teased back. He wouldn’t say it out loud, but he missed Sombra a lot of the time. She was a pain in the ass for sure, but she wasn’t afraid to take what she dished out. That and she was a lot less imposing when you were in her good graces.   
  
She laughed back. “Nah, you just seem a little stressed. Figured you’d like to take a load off and catch up like old times.”

“Well, I do need to go get more smokes anyway. But we split the bill 50-50. I see how much you eat.”   
  
“Who said anything about paying?”

* * *

Las Vegas was a chaotic city in and of itself. Over the years it had developed into the central hub for everyone looking to get a fix of something- anything really. Gambling, drugs, prostitutes, you named it, and Vegas had it. Talon decided to keep a base of operations here only a few years ago to make it look less conspicuous when businessmen were invited to their conference rooms. And in a city this big with this much going on, no one seemed to bat an eye at anything unusual.

Xev and Sombra had been out exploring a few times in the past, when their schedules allowed it, and they never ran into any issues- which was a good thing considering they were technically fugitives in most countries. The restaurant Sombra had wanted to visit was supposedly an authentic Mexican restaurant that opened up a few months ago. She’d heard about it moving from Mexico City to expand and she was thrilled to know that it was going to be relatively close by.   
  
“I used to go to this place all the time when I was traveling down in Mexico,” she said as they took their seats in a back booth and began to place their orders on the holoscreens. “You should try the stuffed peppers and the carne asada- if you think you can handle the spice that is.”   
  
Xev chuckled, already putting in an order for both and a tall mojito. “I think we both know I can handle spicy food. What are you getting since this was your idea.”   
  
“I’ve been wanting birria for so long I could taste it in my dreams. That and I’ll have what you’re having,” she responded, putting her order through just as quickly as Xev had. “Don’t you get tired of that stuff they serve at base? It’s so bland and disgusting.”   
  
“I don’t really have a whole lot of choice. I don’t get to go out as much as you do ya know.”   
  
“That’s such a shame. You would think by now they’d let you off your leash a little more, seeing as how you’re such a good lap dog.”   
  
It was true, but Xev understood why they kept everyone under tight surveillance. Even now there was probably someone listening in on their conversation and would run a light speed to Maximilien if anything unsavory were to slip it’s way into the conversation. And on the flip side, there could be someone listening that would use it against Talon. For that reason, they didn’t use their real names when making the reservation.   
  
But it never seemed to bother Xev- being cooped up was just in his blood. He’d spent enough time traveling the world working and appreciated the fact that he had his own room and bed to stay in when he wasn’t on missions. That, and food could be brought to his door if he really needed it too. “Yeah, especially since they let you run wild whenever you want.”

“Hey come on, I don’t get into that much trouble. I’m very well behaved when I want to be,” Sombra resisted, watching as an omnic waiter came with their drinks. “Besides being out on medical leave, how have you been amigo?”   
  
Xev sipped on his mojito, letting the alcohol sit in his mouth for a moment and then burn it’s way down his throat. Of course she knew about his medical leave. Hell, she probably had a first person perspective of what exactly put him on medical leave in the first place. “Been alright. Though I’m essentially having to play babysitter at the moment.”   
  
“Oh so they put you on guard duty, eh?”   
  
“Yup. It’s not so bad though. He’s nice, if not a little moody.”   
  
“I can only imagine,” Sombra acknowledged, sipping from her own mojito. “I wondered what he was like, given what I know about him. He’s old enough to be my grandfather.”   
  
Xev shrugged. “Like I said, he’s not so bad. Just really likes science. Reminds me of Red sometimes, except without the attitude.”

“Sounds about right. I feel sorry for you sometimes when you have to deal with her. I heard she can put you-know-who in his place sometimes. That’s a feat on it’s own.”   
  
“Yeah, but it’s so funny to watch at the same time. It’s like watching a dog get scorned by it’s owner.”   
  
“Better not let him hear that. I don’t take him for a merciful person,” Sombra quipped. “I hear he’s been digging at old wounds. Maybe that’s why he’s always in such a bad mood.”

“Old wounds?” Xev didn’t pry into the personal lives of any of his colleagues, but Sombra made it her business to find out everything she could about everyone. The first time they met, she had his blood type and time of birth memorized in an attempt to scare him off. It didn’t work of course, but it was still something Xev remembered even after all these years.   
  
Sombra leaned in then, waving her hand for Xev to lean in too so that he could hear what she had to say. “His last mission was out at Watchpoint: Gibraltar. From what I hear, he ran into trouble with a certain monkey and ended up coming up empty handed.”   
  
“But how is that an old wound? I thought he had nothing to do with Overwatch?”   
  
Sombra’s eyes went wide for a second, the surprise written clearly on her fine features. “You mean you don’t know?”

“Don’t know what? Spit it out already if you’re going to tell me. I’m not sayin’ a word to anyone.”   
  
She paused then and tapped her chin in thought. “I remember you telling me one time when you were younger, you wanted to be like Gabriel Reyes, right? Something like “He just seemed so much cooler than Morrison and the government did him dirty.”   
  
“Yeah? What’s that got to do with this though?”

“Oh man, you’re really in the dark then,” Sombra said with a laugh as she leaned back. “Think about it for a second. It’ll come to you.”   
  
Now it was Xev’s turn to pause. He knew that Moira had ties to Blackwatch at one point- that was public knowledge after the infamous Rialto incident. But according to that same knowledge, Gabriel Reyes and Jack Morrison perished in the explosion of Overwatch’s Swiss headquarters. From that point on, Overwatch was disbanded due to the Petras Act.   
  
“I don’t follow, sorry.”   
  
Sombra sighed loudly. “Come on, think about it!”   
  
Xev leaned forward again, drawing Sombra in with him. “Are you telling me that Reaper is Gabriel Reyes? Like, THE Gabriel Reyes? The dead one?”   
  
Sombra just nodded, a wide smirk spreading across her lips. “Do you not believe me?”   
  
Honestly, no, he didn’t but why would she lie about something like that? “... Holy fuck. That’s why Red’s-”   
  
“Now you understand. He’s not like he used to be, or so we think. But I know for a fact he’s going back and “cutting ties” so to speak,” Sombra said matter-of-factly. “But you didn’t hear that from me.”   
  
Xev was dumbfounded by the revelation and even though he knew Sombra had no reason to lie, he still didn’t fully believe it. Gabriel Reyes was part of the reason Xev felt the need to get up and doing something with his life after the Crisis. It was probably because he was young and naive, but Reyes was the role model he looked up to for so long that it was hard to think of him as Reaper. He was everything he wanted to be in a man, and for awhile there he actually had a crush on him- but that was neither here nor there.   
  
Just then their waiter returned with their food. “Will you be needing any refills this evening?”   
  
“Yeah, actually can I get a few shots of tequila also please for me and my friend?” Xev asked as Sombra chuckled.   
  
“Of course sir. I’ll be right back with those for you. Enjoy your meal.”   
  
When he was certain the omnic had left, he looked back at Sombra. “I’ll get bitched at for coming back wasted but at this point, I don’t care.”   
  
“Hit a little too close to home? Sorry to burst your bubble but I honestly thought you knew,” Sombra responded as she picked up her fork and began to eat. “This is just like back home. You’ve got to try this!”

* * *

They finished their meal and drinks and Xev had to struggle to keep himself composed as they left the restaurant without paying thanks to Sombra’s hacking abilities. They stopped at a small store on the way back where he got two more packs of menthol cigarettes and were about to walk past a bookstore when Xev stopped. “Hey let’s duck in here real quick. I need something to do when I’m not babysitting or in meetings and I’m about out of shit to read.”   
  
Sombra shrugged. “I don’t mind. I need to see something for myself anyway.”   
  
Whatever that was, Xev never found out as they split up to opposite sections of the store. Xev first went to the biographies section and found nothing of interest in particular. A lot of the books were about politicians currently trying to win people over by telling them about their personal lives and the other stuff was celebrities Xev had never even heard of.    
  
He then found himself in the classics section, flipping through a number of fiction titles that couldn’t catch his attention from the first 3 pages or so. It was strange to think that the likes of Stephen King was in the same section as Stephanie Meyer. In fact it was almost a tragedy. Shrugging it off, he settled for a copy of Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy- a book he had already read before but hadn’t done so in years.    
  
Just as he was on his way to the counter, Xev passed a collection of scientific journals. Some of them were older, dating back to the 1980s, but some were newer and up to date. He wasn’t entirely sure if this was something Doctor de Kuiper would be interested in, but he supposed it was better than nothing. He grabbed a couple that were labeled for astrophysics and grabbed one about recent advances in technology. If nothing else, he could say he tried.   
  
Sombra met him just outside, not having purchased anything that he could see. “What took you so long? I was beginning to think you got lost in there.”   
  
“I’m just picky about what I read. Ended up getting something I haven’t read in years and a couple of things for uh…” They hadn’t developed a code name for Doctor de Kuiper yet. “... Red’s counterpart?”   
  
“Aww isn’t that sweet?” Sombra teased, catching the hint immediately. “Looks like someone’s got a crush on the good doctor.~”   
  
“Ah shut up. This might help him come up with something to make, that’s all,” Xev countered as he waved off her playfulness.”Besides, I feel sorry for him. He’s got his work cut out for him right now. I would have done the same for you.”   
  
“Whatever you say amigo. Just don’t let me walk in on you two making out or some-”   
  
“ _Sombra._ "

“I’m only kidding! Come on, let’s get back before they send out a search party.”

* * *

  
  
They made it back to headquarters 20 minutes later and parted ways for the rest of the evening. Xev finished the last of his other pack of cigarettes and threw the pack away on his way down to containment. It was going on 10 PM and it was possible that Sigma would be asleep by now, but he could leave the journals with Doctor Fleur and he’d get them in the morning. She’d probably appreciate it more than anything since it would give the man something to do besides mumble and pace his room.   
  
“Sorry it’s so late doc, but I got somethin’ for the old man,” Xev said as he entered the room, greeting the other doctors and nurses with a wave. “Nothing much, just some science journals. Figure he could use ‘em to keep busy.”   
  
Fleur smiled at Xev sweetly. “Ah, thank you _monsieur_. I’m sure Doctor de Kuiper will appreciate them. He’s sleeping right now, but I can tell him you dropped them off when he wakes up.”   
  
“Ah, figures. Don’t wanna disturb his rest, that’s for sure,” Xev handed the bag over to Fleur, having already taken his book out and tucked it away under his arm. “Did the Council speak with him today or not?”   
  
“Yes they each stopped by briefly to welcome him to the team. He and Maximilien actually talked for a good half an hour and they seemed to get along well.”   
  
“That’s good. I’ll be around if you all need me for anything. I expect we’ll be moving him out of here soon,” Xev said with a smile and a glance to the now darkened glass. “   
  
“Yes, preparations are already being made to move him as soon as this weekend if everything goes well. He’ll share a lab space with Doctor O’Deorain for a little while I hear.”   
  
“That’ll be interesting, but I’m sure they’ll get along just fine. He seems to keep to himself a lot of the time.”   
  
Fleur nodded. “Yes. I’m confident he will be just fine without hyper-surveillance.”   
  
“Good. Well, I’ll get outta yer hair. You know where to find me. Good night y’all.”   
  
“Good night, Commander Kovock.”   
  
The door closed quietly behind Xev as he left. One of the nurses looked to Doctor Fleur with a cheeky smile on her face. “That was nice of him, wasn’t it?”   
  
“Indeed,” Fleur responded with a similar expression. “I think our dear commander’s taken a liking to Doctor de Kuiper. Don’t you think?”   
  
“Oh for sure, but he’ll never admit it. He’s stubborn like that, it seems.”   
  
“I suppose only time will tell.”   
  
“Yeah.”   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I accidentally closed out the browser when I dropped my phone on my keyboard when typing this the first time so I'm a little salty about that BUT, here's a new chapter. This took me a lot longer than I would have liked because I couldn't get my brain to focus for longer than 30 seconds. Once I got on a roll though, I was fine thank god. And just in time for the anniversary event too!
> 
> I personally am excited for the event because all of the skins look good and Sigma's getting a dance emote. What's not to love? The event drops later on today and I'll be streaming it pretty much all day when it does so be sure to check my twitch if you feel like listening to me cry over these cosmetics.
> 
> Anyway, thing's have been pretty chaotic here at my house. I may be looking for a new place to live here soon because of it, but for now, thing's are okay. We managed to talk most of it out and now we just have to see if everyone hold's up their end of the deal. If nothing else, this gives me more reason to just say "fuck you" to everything going on and write more. My job is also on the verge of being lost for good because our store may be closing permanently. I was informed we aren't meeting enough sales to keep the rent on the space and so therefore hours had to be cut again- which means I'm essentially right back where I started after only working 2 days last week. If I weren't waiting on benefits to drop, I probably would have already jumped ship, but in America you can lose your chance at benefits if you voluntarily quit your job. So... I'll be looking while I ride this out I suppose. Fingers crossed it happens soon!
> 
> I hope you guys are enjoying this story. I'm working really hard to try and make it just right and have fun at the same time. I haven't felt comfortable writing in months and it feels good to be back in the swing of things again, especially with a character I love a lot. Please let me know what you guys think as I love reading comments! Kudos and follows are also greatly appreciated <3
> 
> Twt: @shinsgay  
> Art Twt: @LoganBootheArt_


	7. Experimental Barriers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xev and Sigma head to Arizona to confront Ashe. Things do not go according to plan.

“You’re doin’ pretty good old man. Didn’t think ya had it in ya,” Xev said playfully, watching from the side as Sigma practiced with the prototype of his weapon. He always forgot the name of it because it changed so frequently, so he relegated to calling it whatever came to mind first. “Looks like you tweaked the explosion radius.”

They had been working closely together for his training over the last few months. The kit he and Moira had developed was unlike anything Xev had ever seen but it seemed to suit Sigma well. The weapon itself was still being developed and tweaked, but the barrier was officially to both their liking which meant the rest of their attention would have to be focused elsewhere. Aside from weapon training, Xev had taken it relatively easy on Sigma in terms of overall combat awareness- figuring that he had enough in his arsenal to keep himself out of hand to hand combat situations for the time being. Even if he wanted to teach him things, he really couldn’t until his ribs fully healed- which he was coming up on, but didn’t want to push it just yet.   
  
Sigma smiled proudly, calling the orbs back to his hand with relative ease. The gloves they had developed allowed him to call both his barrier and his hyperspheres back to him at will. Something about having their own gravitational pull or whatever. “Magnificent, isn’t it? It’s not quite where I want it to be, but progress is progress.”

“I’ll say. You’re a lot more comfortable than when you first started out too,” Xev responded with a smile of his own. “I might not know how all yer stuff works but it really does suit you.”   
  
“I think so as well. With this technology, I’m one step closer to harnessing the power of gravity. Without the help of Talon, I wouldn’t have been able to come up with this on my own.”   
  
“Ah, I don’t know about that. That big brain of yours probably would have figured it out eventually.”   
  
Stepping over to clear the debris from the ransacked shell of the training bot, Xev examined the parts closely. With the way he understood how the hyperspheres worked, not only was there a small controlled explosion upon impact but they have the ability to ricochet and reach areas that you wouldn’t be able to hit with just a pulse rifle. That and with the distance limitations, it didn’t have to hit something directly for it to explode. The way Moira and Sigma put it, it was like causing a small supernova- and it could very easily take out even the thickest of Omnic plating.   
  
“I think we can call it quits for today since we’ve been at it for so long,” Xev commented as he stood up once more. “I don’t know about you but I’m pretty hungry as it is.”

Sigma nodded. “Yes. I believe lunch is in order.”   
  
“I’ll call for lunch to be brought down here so that way we don’t have to deal with the cafeteria. Too much noise. And honestly you don’t wanna deal with some of the guys in the lower ranks.”   
  
“Perhaps not,” Sigma responded frankly. “I’ve heard stories from Doctor O’Deorain. I don’t envy your position at all I’m afraid.”   
  
Xev shrugged. He’d had a few bad run-ins with new recruits in the past, but for the most part the men and women he worked with were decent. It was typically the ones with a lot of swagger that caused the most problems but he’d learned a very quick and easy way of dealing with them; Public humiliation and fear typically shut them up. “Most of them really aren’t that bad. Moira just doesn’t like them because they’re beneath her. That, and some of them are dumber than a box of rocks.”   
  
Sigma paused in confusion. “... Box of rocks? I don’t think I understand. Is that an American thing?”

“Figure of speech- basically their collective IQ’s equal that of a toddler, in other words,” Xev answered. “I forget not everyone has the same kind of slang we do, so sorry if I confuse you with some of the shit that comes out of my mouth.”

Waving a hand to dismiss his concern, Sigma flexed his fingers and made his hyperspheres disappear into thin air. “Not a problem. It’s a learning experience, after all.”

“Anyway, I’ll put the call in for food if you want to clean up. We can eat in here and then head over to the lab if you want. I’m sure Moira wouldn’t mind some company.”

“We have a deal.”  
  


* * *

They ate their lunch over small talk. Xev made a habit of keeping the conversation interesting by asking about how Sigma’s research was going and about his abilities. The more he knew about how this all worked, the better strategies he could plan for missions, after all. Aside from the hyperspheres and the barrier, Sigma had also developed the ability to absorb projectiles for a limited period of time by conjuring a black hole from his gloves. He came up with the idea when he expressed his concern about the barrier not holding up very well in the beginning and wanted another means of taking damage away from the soldiers he would be fighting alongside.

It was an interesting concept and it seemingly worked well- although he still flinched as if he didn’t trust his own capabilities. Granted, Xev couldn’t blame him at first, but now that they had run a number of tests, he needed Sigma to be more confident in the ability itself in order for others to rely on him. It would take time but with enough work they could pull it off.

The other ability they had been working on was tentatively called “Accretion”. The idea came from the concept of crowd control, since it was likely the enemy would take one look at Sigma’s hulking form and immediately send reinforcements. Sure they had the ability to drop smoke grenades and flashbangs, but if Sigma were ever separated from the group, he would need to be able to handle it on his own. Xev had to admit that the concept of flinging a giant rock into an enemy to clear a path was hilarious, but it was effective for all intents and purposes. The only downside to it was that it seemed to take a lot of Sigma to produce, so the time in between would have to be spent laying waste to whatever it was that was in their way.  


“How are those journals by the way? Are they at least nice to read or did I get the wrong ones?” Xev asked between mouthfuls of rice and pork bites.    
  
Sigma blinked, as if he didn’t know what Xev was talking about at first, but quickly realized shortly after. “Oh they’re fantastic actually. My apologies, I never got to properly thank you for those.”   
  
“No need to thank me. I was just out and was picking something up anyway. Didn’t really know what I was looking at so I just had to guess.”   
  
“Nevertheless, thank you. They’ve helped me understand just how far the field has come since I’ve been away.”   
  
How long had Sigma actually been locked up? The files they had didn’t dictate any specific time period, just that it had been several years at the bare minimum. There was probably a lot he had missed out on, both in his field and in the real world. At least now he had a chance to try and piece things together- something Xev didn’t really have the luxury of doing after the Crisis. “So, you think ya can handle this? If you don’t feel like you’re ready, we’ll get someone else to go. I want everyone to make it back okay, and that includes you.”   
  
There was no telling what they may run into in Arizona, and though Xev could handle both him and his squad if things got hairy, Sigma, however, he wasn’t so sure about. He’d rather listen to Reaper bitch about having to take over the job than have Sigma go apeshit in the field. He’d find a way to make a work around, even if it cost him something down the line.   
  
“I think I’ll be fine. I’m interested to see how these prototypes hold up in the field anyway,” Sigma said after a long pause, his pale blue eyes studying his hands intently. “What good is an invention without an experiment or two, eh?”   
  
“Alright, as long as you’re okay with it, that’s all I care about.” Xev looked at his watch. “Come on. Moira will want the results from today’s training and we’ll need to know if anything needs to get tweaked before we head out this weekend.”  
  


* * *

  
The dossiers for the mission were handed out accordingly as they waited on their dropship to be prepared. Xev had selected 3 members from his usual squad to be on the call list for the mission, but the others were ones that had been trained under another squad leader; Jakobs. For security reasons, Xev was not to disclose any information about Sigma and why it was that he was assigned to this mission- which made it all the more difficult to quell his squad members.

“Xavier, Javier, and Gabriel, you’re with me. The rest of you will be waiting on the dropship and be called for backup should things go to shit,” Xev explained as the men lined up in front of him. Sigma, now in his specially crafted Talon gear, floated next to him with his arms behind his back. “You’re not to make your presence known until absolutely necessary. Understood?”

“That’s all fine and good boss, but what’s with the giant? Who’s he?” Xavier asked as he thumbed in Sigma’s direction.   
  
“That’s not your concern, but if you must know, he’s hired help. He’ll be supporting us on this mission,” Xev said bluntly, shooting Xavier a cold stare. “I won’t explain any further. So don’t bother asking.”   
  
“How the ‘ell am I supposed to just trust this guy to cover our asses when I don’t know a single thing about ‘im? C’mon Xev. Don’t you trust us?” Gabriel chimed, his thick British accent coming through almost to an annoying degree. Was this how Moira felt about his southern accent?   
  
“It’s not a matter of if I trust you or not. You have your orders, now shut up and listen to ‘em,” Xev countered harshly, instantly shutting the younger men up. The men from Jakobs’s squad didn’t say a word. He’d have to ask how he gets them to be so quiet sometime since clearly his team needed a lesson on it. “Get on the dropship once your gear is in order. We leave in 15 minutes, with or without you.”   
  
As they quietly dispersed to get the last of their gear together, Xev turned to Sigma with an apologetic look. “Sorry about that. Xavier’s got a big mouth, but he’s a good shot.”   
  
“I see. I can’t say I blame him, however.”   
  
Putting a hand to Sigma’s arm- as he was unable to reach the man’s shoulder, Xev waved his free hand. “Just ignore him, Sigma. I know you’ve got our backs out there, and we’ve got yours.”   
  
For a moment, Sigma just stared back at Xev. If he were able to see him face beyond the red helmet, he’d see a thankful, delighted expression on his face. “Thank you for trusting me, Xev. I’ll try not to disappoint you.”   
  
“You won’t. I’ve got faith in ya. Now come on, on the dropship. Hope you don’t get motion sickness.”   
  


* * *

Arizona, predictably, was hot. The moment they stepped off the dropship the sweat started to bead at the nape of Xev’s neck. He honestly felt sorry for the others who had to wear their full combat gear when he was relegated to wearing “business attire”. His deep red button up was unbuttoned down to his clavicle to allow him some space to breathe as he made his way to the agreed upon location. Sigma would follow at a reasonable distance and wait out back until it was time to seal the deal.   
  
The bar in question looked like it had seen better days, the real wood flooring creaking as he stepped across the landing just out front and even more so as he entered through the swinging doors. He glanced around the room at some of the people who had gathered there and didn’t recognize anyone in particular- wondering for a brief moment if he actually came to the right place.   
  
Adjusting the collar to his shirt, he pressed a button on the discreet comms device tucked just under the seam of the collar. “No visual yet. Stand by and keep an eye on the place,” he called out casually, walking over to the bar to try and look like he was there just to drink. By the time the bartender got his watered down glass of whiskey, a hand clapped his shoulder.   
  
“So, you must be Xev Kovock. Did I say that right?” A feminine, but commanding voice came from just over his shoulder, causing him to turn his attention for a brief moment. Ashe was surprisingly young looking and in Xev’s personal opinion, beautiful. It was almost hard to believe she led the most dangerous gang on Route 66, but he knew better than to trust looks.   
  
“That’d be me. You must be Ashe. Pleasure to meetcha,” Xev responded as he stuck his hand out for her to shake. Her grip was firm, mimicking that of a snake bite. “And close enough. You go by Ashe or does it matter?”   
  
“Well, looks like we got ourselves a fine gentleman. Ashe is fine, it’s what everyone calls me ‘round these parts.” Her gaze fell from Xev’s to the glass of whiskey on the bar. “And you’ve got good tastes. I’ll have what he’s got, Marty.”   
  
The bartender silently nodded, getting to work making her drink as Ashe took up the bar stool beside Xev. “I gotta say, I wasn’t expectin’ someone like you to show up to this lil’ arrangement.”   
  
Xev cocked an eyebrow. “Yeah? Well the others were busy. You know how authority is.”   
  
She laughed at that as Marty slid her glass to her. “Got that right. Just wasn’t expectin’ some pretty boy to show up to the wolves den. That’s all.”   
  
_Pretty boy huh?_ Xev sipped on his whiskey, letting it burn it’s way down his throat seamlessly. “Guess it’s the long hair then. I assure you though, I’m more than just my looks.”

“The last time I gave a pretty boy like you the light of day, I almost killed him,” Ashe said pointedly. “But I was soft back then. Can’t say I am anymore because just as sure as he walked through that door, I’d put a bullet between those eyes.”   
  
Xev hadn’t the faintest clue of what to say to that, but knew he had to come up with something fast. Intimidation tactics didn’t work on him- not after everything Reaper put him through during his training. “Sounds like an ex-lover.”   
  
Ashe rolled her eyes and snorted. “The bastard wishes. He’s not dumb enough to show his face around here though. Not after what he did to us. You do remind me of him though.”   
  
“Ah, I think I know who you mean. What was his name again?” Xev pretended to ponder, tapping his finger against the now slick glass. “Jesse McCree?”   
  
All at once, Ashe slammed her now finished glass down on the bar and shot daggers back at Xev- as if the mere mention of the man’s name was enough to call her to attack. “How do you know about him?” She asked through grit teeth.   
  
“He’s on our list of individuals to watch, that’s all. That and the bounty on his head grows higher and higher every day. Would make a nice little pay raise if we were to capture him,” Xev acknowledged before sipping more from his own glass. He’d clearly struck a nerve with her. “Worth more alive of course, but still worth enough if he’s dead.”   
  
“Listen here.” She was seething now, evident by the way her brow knit and her jaw clenched. “McCree is my target. If anyone’s claimin’ that bounty, it’s gonna be me. So you tell your little bosses to keep their noses out of it, or I’ll pay ‘em a personal visit.”   
  
It was honestly funny how little she seemed to think of Talon if she thought threats like that were supposed to intimidate them. It wouldn’t matter how many thugs she brought with her, they’d all die trying to take a penny from Talon’s pockets. “Hey, I understand. I think we can arrange something if this deal goes by well enough.”   
  
“Oh it better. I’m not here to waste my time on some big city bastards and their petty issues,” she quipped back harshly. “Speaking of, we should get going before you get me all riled up. The less eyes on us, the better.”   
  
Finishing the last of his drink, Xev stood up from his seat and left a couple of bills in it’s wake. “Lead the way. Just know I’ll be bringin’ a friend along. He’s waitin’ just outside.”   
  
“Small world, so will I.”  
  


* * *

  
Sigma stood just out back like he had been asked, waiting on Xev to walk out of the bar with what he assumed to be their target for this mission. Xev waived him over and he towered over both of their forms. “Ashe, I’d like ya to meet Sigma. He’s harmless, unless I need him to be. We’ll behave ourselves as long as you do.”   
  
She looked Sigma up and down, seemingly puzzled by the fact the 7’2 man was hovering just under a foot off the ground. She then looked back to Xev with a diminutive smile as the hulking Omnic mentioned in the missions files stepped into view.. “Not a problem boys. I’d like ya to meet Bob.”   
  
Bob was even bigger than the photos would suggest, but in terms of threatening factor, he didn’t seem to have much else. Not with that small bowler hat and mustache anyway. He even tipped his hat to them, how cute. “Follow me, and no funny business or I’ll have mow the two of you down like a freight train. Got it?”

“Loud and clear ma’am.”

* * *

The Deadlock Gang base wasn’t that far off from where the bar was. It was also painfully obvious- giant steel doors that stood at least 50 feet high and could only be opened by some kind of passcode that Ashe quickly put in. Subtlety didn’t seem to be in their nature. Xev supposed this is why no one had been able to bring them down after all these years.   
  
The inside was chaotic. Members were everywhere- some playing cards in a small room to their left, others lifting heavy boxes from two semi trucks. It seemed less like an organized crime syndicate and more of a bunch of kids playing cowboys and robbers. They followed Ashe at a reasonable pace, looking around for any potential surprises as they walked along the corridor.    
  
“Sigma, you know what to do if this goes south,” Xev said quietly, keeping his eyes forward the entire time. “I’m puttin’ the call in for back up now. Don’t hesitate even for a second.”   
  
Sigma nodded as they seemingly reached the end. “Confirmed.”   
  
Ashe turned on her heel and spread her arms as if to show off the room, catching the attention of every member within earshot distance. “Welcome to the Deadlock Gang hideout boys. Where the welcome is almost as warm as the bullet casings.”  


Xev and Sigma didn’t say a word, but stared her down. 

“Oh come on now, don’t tell me you were expectin’ to just roll up in here and take what’s ours? Do ya think I’m that stupid?” She said mockingly as she pulled her rifle from her back and aimed it’s sights on the two of them. The others followed suit. “I don’t give a damn who you are. We take what’s ours, and those guns are ours.”

Xev blinked boredly, then yawned. “Are you sure you wanna do this? I promise you this won’t go as well as you think it will.”   
  
“I’ve got you outnumbered, old man. And no one’s goin’ to help you in here.”   
  
In the second it took for Xev to turn his head and look at Sigma, a shot rang out and a bullet passed between them, prompting Sigma to throw up his shield. Xev reacted fast, pulling his concealed pistol from his belt and fire at the men sitting on the high ground to their left. It’d didn’t take long for chaos to ensue- bullets flying in every direction and everyone struggling to find cover.    
  
“Bob! Don’t just stand there! Do something!” Ashe yelled to the Omnic who quickly jumped into action. He charged at both Xev and Sigma, but was stopped short just as Sigma’s accretion hit him square in the chest. Xev quickly discharged an EMP round to follow up, putting the poor omnic out of commission for a short while- much to Ashe’s anger.   
  
“Sigma, behind us! Go!” Xev exclaimed as he dropped a smoke grenade and jumped up onto a set of containers to get a better vantage point. He continued to fire in the direction Ashe had been standing, making her duck for cover while her thugs continued to fire aimlessly into the smoke.   
  
There was a lot to keep track of,but just as the smoke dissipated, their backup arrived. Xavier took a well aimed shot from about 50 yards at a line of omnic members to Xev’s right, clearing them easily with a few shots. That gave enough space for Gabriel and Javier to rush with the rest of the squad and take care of any remaining members.   
  
Xev looked around, looking for Sigma and spotted him pushing forward with his kinetic grasp. Ashe scrambled to try and fire at him, but it was useless. Taking that as his opportunity to strike, he quickly closed the distance and pinned the younger woman to a stack of pipes. “Told ya it wasn’t gonna go the way you planned.”   
  
She struggled against his grip and laughed in his face. “Wouldn’t be so sure of that. How long do you think that EMP round’ll last on ol’ Bob?”   
  
Before Xev could even turn his head, Bob rushed him and flung him against the wall. It wasn’t quite as hard as when Sigma flung him to the ground when they first met, but he was certain that Moira was going to have to take another look at him when they got back. He wheezed and struggled to his feet to see Sigma between him and the omnic. The barrier was holding up to the cannons for now, but it wouldn’t last long. They needed to take him out and fast.   
  
“Xavier! Look straight ahead! Take out this omnic before it kills us!” Xev called out on his comms device as he fell to his knees.    
  
“But won’t I hit you and the big guy-”   
  
“Just shut up and do it!”  


A loud resounding bang of a sniper rifle firing echoed against the iron walls, and just like that, the Omnic crashed to the ground sporting a fresh bullet hole in the shell of his would be skull. Sigma’s barrier broke just as the bullet passed, meaning they were safe from being hit by Xavier’s shot, thankfully.

Ashe was awestruck, scrambling on her hands and knees to try and get away, but Sigma stopped her. Flexing his fingers he pulled her right back to them and held her there with a closed fist. “I believe we had an arrangement, miss,” he said threateningly. “Where are the weapons?”   
  
“T-there over there in the truck! Just let me go, they’re yours! Just take them and get out of here!” Ashe exclaimed, clearly scared shitless at this point. The gunfire had died down now and the rest of the squad came to back them up. Gabriel helped Xev up to his feet.   
  
“You alright boss?”    
  
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just get those guns and let’s go,” Xev responded as he waved Gabriel off and watched him jog over to the aforementioned truck with the rest of the squad. He then turned his attention back to Ashe, hair falling from the braid he had meticulously styled before they left. “You’re a fucking idiot, girl. You could have handed over those weapons and no one would have had to die here. But you had to be stubborn.”   
  
Ashe grit her teeth, still unable to move from her place on the ground. Kneeling down to her level, Xev smirked at her. “And as for our agreement? I’ll tell Jesse you said hello when I put the bullet between his eyes.”   
  
She struggled in vain, screaming and swearing profusely. Sigma turned his head to Xev. “What should we do with her? It’d be a mercy killing her.”   
  
“Nah, let her live. Now she knows who not to fuck with the next time we come knocking on her door,” Xev responded coolly, holding his side gingerly. “And rest assured, we’ll return the favor one day. I can promise you that, Elizabeth.”  


* * *

Once all the crates of guns had been loaded onto the waiting dropship, they all climbed aboard and rid themselves of their helmets. Xev took his seat near the hangar doors, pulling his now crushed pack of cigarettes from his pocket. They were a little bent out of shape, but the filter was intact and so was the paper. He could smoke in peace- or so he thought.   
  
“I didn’t know you smoked,” Sigma commented as he joined him. “That’s a nasty habit you know.”   
  
“Sigma, I’ve been smoking for years. It hasn’t killed me yet, and it won’t kill me now,”Xev responded with a wave of his hand. “Ya don’t gotta father me. Reaper’s always on my shit about it.”   
  
“As he should be. It’s incredibly irresponsible of you, given that you’re so young.”   
  
Xev laughed at that. No one had accused him of that in a long time. “Anyway, you did great out there. Told you you just had to believe in your abilities.”   
  
For a moment, Sigma didn’t say anything and just shot Xev a nasty look- like a disappointed, angry father. But the look softened as he realized it would do him no good to argue with the younger man. “Thank you. I just reacted accordingly.”   
  
“Oh come on, give yourself more credit than that. We’d have been done for if you hadn’t stepped in front of Bob like that,” Xev countered, taking a long drag from his cigarette and flicking his ashes to the ground. They’d clean it up later. “That accretion ability sure is something. It stopped him right in his tracks.”   
  
Sigma shrugged, still pouting slightly. “Working as intended I suppose. How are you feeling by the way? That was a rather nasty bump you took.”   
  
“Ah, I’ve had worse. I’ll be sore tomorrow but it’s nothing like when-” Xev stopped himself short. He wasn’t supposed to mention anything related to Sigma’s episodes around him until they knew what exactly triggered them. “... I was younger and got my shit kicked in by 3 big dudes.”   
  
Taken aback by the revelation, Sigma blinked at him. “I’m… sorry to hear that. That sounds awful.”

“Don’t worry about it. I kind of deserved it.”

“How so? I can’t imagine a reasonable cause for such violence.”   
  
Perhaps Xev should have kept his mouth shut on that one. The incident obviously wasn’t a fond one, and Xev tried his best to keep it in the farthest reaches of his mind whenever possible. He was about 13 years old, living at the orphanage and attending the nearest public school. Bullying was rampant especially if you were an orphan due to the Crisis, and Xev was no exception to that.  


“Well… There was this group of guys that didn’t like me for a lot of reasons. Mostly because I didn’t put up with their bullshit, but the reason they decided to break 6 of my ribs was because they thought I was hitting on their girlfriends at the time,” Xev started, wistfully recounting the story as if it happened yesterday. “They cornered me in an alley when I was just 13 years old. I couldn’t run, and I was out numbered. So I just had to sit there and kind of take it for… I don’t know. An hour? Felt longer than that but you get the idea.”   
  
Sigma didn’t say at first, his face falling into a dismal expression as he listened to Xev’s story. He could have guessed that Xev didn’t live a peaceful life if he ended up a mercenary for an organization like Talon- but nothing his imagination could have come up with would have predicted something as heinous as that.    
  
“Hey, don’t look so sad. I lived didn’t I? It’s not a big deal,” Xev said as he waved his hand to get Sigma’s attention. “Seriously. You look like a kicked puppy.”   
  
“I just can’t imagine how that must have felt. My apologies…” Sigma responded solemnly. “I shouldn’t have pressed the subject.”   
  
“Are you even listening to me? I said it’s fine, Sigma. Seriously. If I didn’t wanna answer, I wouldn’t have.”   
  
He supposed that was true, but still, Sigma couldn’t help but feel the slightest bit guilty for having asked in the first place. “... You can call me Siebren, you know.”   
  
“What?” Xev questioned.   
  
“You can call me Siebren. We’re not in the field anymore,” Sigma responded as he turned his head to Xev. “I call you by your first name, it’s only fair that you should get to use mine.”   
  
Still confused by the sudden change of topic, Xev offered a small, apologetic smile. “That depends if you mind me butchering it for the first two weeks.”

“I’m sure I can forgive you.”

“Sounds good. Thanks for havin’ my back out there, Siebren.”   
  
“Don’t mention it.”   
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to post this this morning but hesitated because I thought I needed to tweak somethings, but I just said fuck it and let it slide. I am currently plotting out chapter 15 and that's where things are gonna be gettin' nice and spicy for those of you that care. I know it seems like a long time to wait but this is a slow burn fic so...
> 
> Nothing new to report as far as my personal life goes. I haven't been doing much outside of writing and trying to grind loot boxes for the event- though I have been watching a lot of sleepy's streams when I'm up at night writing. Also am slowly working through my placements on PC and it's honestly a shit show. My computer isn't exactly the best when it comes to running overwatch so I have to run on 30 fps and it makes aiming a living hell. I still try my best and I have good games sometimes, but it's really hit or miss. Once all this stuff calms down and I get a bit of money, I'll be looking to build my own PC and just relegate this PC to casual things. May even try to sell it, who knows.
> 
> I've also rebranded my art twitter for those of you curious about that. It kind of sucks because I've been promoting my old name for a long time and to suddenly change is a pain, but I felt it was time for a change so I hit that nuke button real quick. Hoping to actually get a drawing up of Xev soon but I'm a perfectionist so it takes awhile for me to get anything done. Hope you guys are staying safe during this quarantine and as always, comments and kudos are appreciated!
> 
> Art twt: @hangedwires  
> Personal twt: @shinsgay


	8. Healing Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, it's good to talk about the things that hurt us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight trigger warning: Talk of gender dysphoria and self destructive habits. 
> 
> Author is FTM trans and all experiences mentioned are based on my own.

The dropship landed in the hangar to a group of soldiers ready to carry the many crates of weapons to their appropriate location. It was a relief for Xev at least, seeing as how he felt like his bones were going to break in half at the slightest bit of movement. Whether it was from the fight itself or the period of rest he had on the way back, everything seemed to scream at him when he tried to move. Heavy lifting was not in his power right now, and anyone who had anything to say about it could bite him.

Not only was it difficult to move, his head was pounding. He thought that maybe for a second he had a concussion- which would worry any normal person, but it was just an annoyance to Xev. Sigma, ever the gentleman he was, offered his support when they docked- taking Xev around the waist and helping him up from his seat and off the ship.   
  
Reaper and Moira were waiting just by the loading dock, both surprised to see Sigma having to support Xev on his way out of the dropship. “The state of you,” Moira hissed as they approached her. “I can only assume the deal did not go over peacefully?”   
  
Xev raised his head, trying not to show just how much pain he was in and how much he was struggling. “No. She tried to get out of it by killing us. We took out the majority of the gang and dismantled her omnic. I wanna emphasize that she started it, not me.”   
  
“Doesn’t matter. You were able to get everything, yes?”   
  
“Yes, Moira. I wouldn’t have come back if I hadn’t.”   
  
Reaper didn’t say anything in favor of watching the crates be unloaded. It almost seemed like he was avoiding talking to anyone, like he was in a bad mood. It wouldn’t surprise Xev in the slightest if he was, but he’d be curious as to why. Maybe he’d learn more in the inevitable mission debrief later.   
  
Moira hummed in approval, shooting Reaper a glance before turning her attention to Sigma. “Doctor de Kuiper, please see Commander Kovock to the medical bay. He seems unwell. I’ll join you both shortly.”   
  
“Of course,” Sigma responded with a curt nod, adjusting Xev’s weight to better carry him. “Come along now. Your limp is getting worse.”   
  
“Yeah yeah yeah, I know.”   
  


* * *

  
  
No one else had been sent to the med bay, thank god, so it was unusually quiet when they entered. The sterile white walls and overwhelming smell of sterilizing chemicals were all too familiar for Xev- a fact that most of the medical staff at Talon knew. 

There was a time when Xev was in and out of the medical bay two to three times a week thanks to Reaper. His initial training had been merciless and brutal, both physically and mentally. He suffered enough broken bones that it was no wonder he acted as if it were nothing at this point. Xev didn’t regret how hard it had been however- it gave him a thicker skin and an awareness of his own limits that he desperately lacked going into this job.

Doctor Fleur was in the medical bay when they arrived, sitting at the nurse’s station on her computer when she instantly recognized Xev and came to Sigma’s side. “Goodness what happened to you Commander Kovock?!”   
  
“Big omnic pancaked me into a wall. I’ve had worse,” Xev commented plainly as he was hoisted up onto one of the beds. “Just get me patched up enough for this debrief. I’ll come back later to get really fixed up.”   
  
Fleur huffed. “So stubborn. I’ll be judging whether or not you go to this debriefing. Now, can you remove your shirt on your own or do you need help?”   
  
Xev paused for a moment, looking down at the open part of his shirt. His shirt was in tatters- bloodied, dusty, and torn, but it was not something he considered being an issue upon getting back to base. “... I could use some help I guess. I don’t think I can lift my arms up enough to get my arms through the sleeves.”   
  
“Hardly a problem,” Fleur responds as she grabs a pair of scissors from her instrument table. “It’ll be easier for me to cut it from you if that’s the case. I would say this shirt has seen it’s last days anyway.”   
  
She was right, but it still didn’t put Xev anymore at ease. There was a lot that Xev kept hidden about his body and even though Fleur was aware of the crescent scars on his chest, he didn’t want to have to explain it to anyone else. Apparently sensing his hesitance, Fleur waved her hand to catch his attention. “Don’t worry. You’re in capable hands. Just sit back and let me handle this.”   
  
Giving a short, approving nod, Xev watched as the scissors made quick work of his shirt. He expected a large amount of bruising, but the amount of dried blood on his stomach was not something he expected to see. Sigma watched passively, eyes going a little wide at the sight of the bruising and blood. “It appears you were worse off than we thought.”   
  
“An apt observation, Doctor de Kuiper,” Fleur responded as her gloves hands gently ran over the areas that seemed to be the worst. Xev still flinched despite her gentle touch. “Though Commander Kovock is right. He’s quite reckless.”   
  
“Hey c’mon now. You don’t have to throw me under the bus like that, Doctor Fleur.”   
  
“I’m sure Doctor O’Deorain loves using you as an example of what not to do, Commander.”   
  
Xev rolled his eyes playfully, showing a small smile. Moira probably did use him as an example for things on her excursions to Oasis, but he was hardly just an example of an occupational hazard. Or so he’d like to think.

Fleur’s hands ran over a bit of the dried blood causing it to flake off. “It looks like there’s a few lacerations in your hips. I imagine they’re from the impact. They’re nothing major, I don’t even think they’ll require stitches.”

“That’s good right? Less work for you,” Xev commented. “Think anything’s broken?”   
  
Fleur nodded and then took her gloves off to dispose of them. “More than likely, but I’ll need to do x-rays to confirm that. One moment while I get that ready for you.”   
  
She then stood up and walked towards the back of the medbay to a room where they kept a vast amount of machines. Thankfully things had advanced past the point of needing separate rooms for such machines and things could be brought to a patient’s bedside easily.   
  
Xev looked over to Sigma who was fixated on the bruising just above his belt line. “You holdin’ up alright? It got a little crazy back there.”   
  
As if being brought back to his senses, Sigma turned his attention back up to Xev’s face. “Oh, I’m fine. I’m more concerned about you.”   
  
“Aww, how sweet. I’ll be fine though, really. I wasn’t kidding when I said I’ve had worse.”   
  
Sigma rolled his eyes then surveyed the rest of Xev’s body. “I’m aware. It still does not take away the seriousness of the situation.”   
  
He had a point, but the desensitization to otherwise life threatening injuries prevented Xev from caring too much about what happened to him. It wasn’t like he lost a limb, or suffered enough blood loss for it to be concerning.   
  
“I didn’t realize how many scars you had,” Sigma commented, eyes falling on the dark, prominent ones just below Xev’s pectorals. “You really are as reckless as they say.”   
  
Xev shrugged, thankful that Sigma seemed to be oblivious to what those particular scars were really from. “Comes with the job. Been at this for a long time.”   
  
Just as Sigma was about to counter his point, Fleur came around with a small drone that Xev recognized as their portable x-ray machine. “My apologies. I had to make sure it had been properly charged.”   
  
“No problem. We were just talking, that’s all,” Xev responds with a small smile, thankful that Fleur intervened when she had. He wasn’t ready to have that conversation with Sigma and had he kept looking for too much longer, he might have gotten the idea. “Doctor de Kuiper did a pretty good job out there of saving my ass.”   
  
“Oh? Well I’m glad to hear that things are going well for you Doctor.”   
  
“Thank you, though I hardly did anything,” Sigma responded, flushing a bit. “I just did what I felt would be most effective.”   
  
Fleur giggled at him. “You’re too humble. Be proud of your accomplishments as they come, doctor.”   
  
“I hardly consider unnecessary violence an accomplishment.”   
  
He certainly didn’t seem to understand his position, if that were the case. Talon was violence personified and had been since its inception. Wherever Talon went, destruction and despair were soon to follow. There had been a number of missions Xev had been on where they had laid waste to entire cities- the stench of burning buildings, the screams of those trying to flee, it was never peaceful. Sometimes Xev would wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat because of some of the things he’s seen, but he knew that he was in too deep to back out now. So he learned to shove those feelings down, lest he end up like the countless others who tried to leave Talon.   
  
“I think you did amazing, at any rate,” Xev commented quietly as the machine hummed over his body. “If it weren’t for you, I would have been crushed by that thing.”   
  
Sigma didn’t say anything and neither did Doctor Fleur. Shortly after the machine finished it’s initial scan, the results came across a small holoscreen just to Xev’s right. “Hmm… Nothing major. A few fractures that should heal over time,” Fleur concluded as she pulled up her holopad to record the information. “You already have painkillers so I won’t be giving you more of those, but I will go ahead and give you a quick shot to encourage the bones to heal. I think that will do for now.”   
  
“Sounds like a plan doc. Thanks for your help.”   
  
“Anytime, Commander.”   
  


* * *

This time Sigma was allowed to sit in on the debrief, seeing as how he had the ability to recall anything that Xev forgot. They detailed everything from the conversation in the bar to the final moments before their departure. Maximilien hummed in approval.   
  
“Good work. It would seem our latest ally has proven himself quite useful,” he said as he leaned forward to rest his metallic arms on the table. “And we suffered no casualties on our part. I expect nothing less from our most accomplished commander.”   
  
Xev kept a plain expression, knowing all too well that the compliments were more formality than genuine. “Thank you sir. My pleasure.”   
  
Maximilien gestured to Widowmaker next, who stood in complete silence and nearly unblinking to the right of him. “And Widowmaker also found some success in her mission to King’s Row.”   
  
“There was some interference,” she said coldly. “Lena Oxton happened to be in the area at the time.”   
  
Reaper seemed to tense for a brief moment, and then growled. Xev thought back to his conversation with Sombra many nights ago and what she had revealed to him. He wasn’t entirely sure he actually believed that Reaper was Gabriel Reyes, but that reaction to hearing a former Overwatch agent’s name might have convinced him just a little bit. Why else would he care if Tracer interfered with a mission?   
  
“That brings us to our next order of business. Reaper, I believe you have something to share with us?” Maximilien asked as he gestured to the cloaked man.   
  
“Overwatch is trying to reform. It’s possible we may run into issues in our upcoming efforts.”   
  
Moira, who had also been quiet for a majority of the meeting, leaned forward at the mention of Overwatch. “How many agents do they have left?”   
  
“That is currently unknown,” Maximilien responded. “We know Tracer is still around as well as Winston, Dr. Ziegler, Torbjorn Lindholm, and Reinhardt Wilhelm. Whether they’ll answer the call is yet to be seen, but we are making efforts to seize the upperhand in the coming months.”   
  
“And those efforts would be what exactly?” Moira countered with a raised thin brow.    
  
“We know the location of the ones I just mentioned. All we have to do is keep them busy with trivial conflicts to keep them out of our way.”

“They’ll be nothing if we isolate them,” Akande chimed in, following up on what Maximilien had said. “I owe both Winston and Tracer a personal favor anyway for what happened during my escort from the penitentiary. So I’ll see to them personally.”   
  
Xev had zoned out of the conversation at that point, realizing that none of this directly involved him. All this meeting told him was that he was going to have his hands full deploying squads to various regions to cause distractions. He didn’t care that Overwatch was reforming- they were disbanded once and it was unlikely that many of them would return for fear of persecution. That was where the law actually benefited them. Unlike any other time, if any government service managed to catch Overwatch in the act, they’d be taken out of the picture entirely. All they would have to do is follow up and eliminate them once they were imprisoned.   
  
He wondered if it was even worth their time to waste resources on something that may not even come to fruition, but he supposed it was better to try and nip it in the bud before it becomes a serious threat. Xev chanced a glance over to Sigma, who listened intently to the conversation going on. It was probably strange for him to be hearing about all of this after being kept in isolation for so long. Surely he knew about Overwatch’s disbandment, but the specifics of it? Xev doubted he knew that much. He seemed to care enough at least to pay attention.   
  
“That aside, we can now set our sights on our next target: Katya Volskya,” Maximilien continued as the holoscreen behind him came to life. “With some of the weapons we’ve acquired from Commander Kovock’s recent mission, we can use those as leverage to embolden the Omnics lying in wait in Russia.”

The pictures on the screen showed a number of different angles of a wall woman with dark brown hair. One of them even pictured her with a young girl- presumably her daughter. This was no doubt Sombra’s doing. “The others will be used as developmental materials for our own purposes as we’ve discussed in other meetings.”   
  
“The Russian government, as I’m sure we’re all aware, has been leading the world in meka based technology for the last decade,” Moira elaborated. “We would like to see just what kind of advancements they have made in their efforts to combat further Omnic invasion, but we’ve discovered something quite interesting about the means they’ve used to get their results.”   
  
The holoscreen changed to an image of the same woman shaking hands with an Omnic Xev knew from a glance, but couldn’t quite place. “It appears Ms. Volskya has been recruiting help from the very things she seeks to destroy.”   
  
“Correct. If this information were to spread, it could compromise her position as the savior of Russia,” Maximilien continued. “But we don’t want to compromise her position just yet. It is in our best interest to not only assess the power she has obtained with our own eyes, but to potentially take it for our own.”   
  
“So you wanna see what yer gettin’ before you take it, right?” Xev asked bluntly as he studied the images on the screen.   
  
“Precisely. If the technology proves to be useful, we’ll need to set aside some assets and train some meka pilots,” Maximilien explained with a flourish of his hand. “That of course means that we have to make a case to our investors on why this will be a good investment.”   
  
Xev nodded in understanding. Everything was always an investment to Maximilien, which is exactly why he handled all of Talon’s funds.    
  
Closing out the holoscreen, Maximilien continued. “Before we move on to that mission, however, we will be moving our base of operations to Vancouver, Canada. It’s the closest we can get to Russia without being detected.”   
  
“We’ll be making preparations over the coming months for the move. In addition to headquarters moving, we will also be getting details on the facility for Doctor de Kuiper as well.”   
  
At that, Sigma seemed to perk up. “We want you to be able to work without restrictions and we believe the best way for you to accomplish this, doctor, is on your own accord.”   
  
“I see,” Sigma responded and nodded. “I have no objections to this.”   
  
“I had a feeling you would say that. We will be sure to keep you updated when more information comes back to us, but rest assured my friend, your contributions to our organization will not go unrewarded.”

“I would hope so.”   
  


* * *

With all the business matters taken care of, they were all dismissed for the rest of the evening. Xev dropped off the combat data Moira had requested from their mission and left her to analyze it on her own. None of that held any importance to him until she devised a plan to utilize it, which would probably take till at least tomorrow. It was better to leave her to her own devices and save himself the headache of having to be lectured on things that were truly over his head.   
  
He could have easily retired to his room for the evening to recover, but Xev found himself wandering over to Sigma’s new quarters instead. If he were honest with himself he would admit that he enjoyed the older man’s company and grew bored of spending his time in his room. There was only so much reading he could do before he started to get antsy and need to be entertained . And with Sombra in and out of headquarters constantly, it was hard to find good company.

Softly knocking on the steel sliding door, Xev was surprised to see it open so quickly. Sigma seemed surprised to see him as well, but offered a genuine smile to him all the same.”Oh, Xev. I wasn’t expecting you. What can I do for you?”   
  
“Hey, uh… Siebren. Are you busy right now? I’m restless at the moment and could use the company,” Xev stammered out nervously, hoping to not sound too desperate or over step his boundaries.   
  
“Ah, no- Actually I’m not busy. Please come in. I was just about to make tea,” Sigma answered as he ushered Xev in through the door. Immediately Xev noticed that Sigma’s room was a lot bigger than his own. The ceiling, for starters, was a lot higher than most other rooms that were used for quarter space- probably because he was so tall to begin with. There was also a small kitchenette in the back right corner with a decently sized fridge and a functional stove, of which a steaming kettle sat upon.    
  
“Wow, they didn’t pull any stops for you did they?” Xev commented as he pulled up a chair at the small serving table close by. He continued to survey the room and only grew more envious the longer he inspected.   
  
“I suppose not. I appreciate it nevertheless. It feels… nice.”   
  
“I can imagine it’s a lot better than a holding cell.”   
  
Sigma nodded as he pulled the kettle off from the burner and grabbed two cups from the cabinet just above the stove. “It almost reminds me of the apartment I had when I worked at the Hague.”   
  
“You meanin’ to tell me they didn’t pay you enough that you couldn’t afford a house?”   
  
“No, I was paid more than enough for that,” Sigma countered as he brought the now steaming cups of tea to the table. “It was just easier for me to be closer to the lab that way. Besides, it’s not like I would have any need for a large house when it would just be me living in it.”   
  
Xev nodded in understanding. He didn’t imagine that Sigma had an extensive family or anything, not with what his reputation held. But that also proved his suspicion that Sigma didn’t have a wife or any kids for that matter. “I gotcha. What kind of tea is this? Smells like chamomile.”   
  
“You’ve got a good nose. It is chamomile,” Sigma responded with a smile. “Do you drink tea often? I find it to be soothing after a hard day’s work.”   
  
“Not as much as I used to, but I used to drink it all the time when I was younger. These days I pretty much survive on nicotine and caffeine.”   
  
Sigma narrowed his eyes as he sipped his tea. “That isn’t healthy you know.”   
  
Xev shrugged in response, watching the steam lull before gently blowing on his own cup of tea. “Hasn’t killed me yet. And quite frankly, something else will probably kill me before any of that does.”   
  
“You’re quite stubborn. I wonder sometimes if that’s a learned habit or if you were just born that way.”   
  
The taste was a little strong, like the bag had steeped for too long, but it wasn’t unpleasant. “Mix of both. I didn’t start smoking though until I was… God, 24? It was right around when I started doing mercenary work.”   
  
“Was it something brought on by stress or were you pressured into it like so many others?”   
  
Stress was the dominating factor in Xev's smoking habits, but it was also a means of distraction. Ever since he was young, he had a problem with sitting still- always fidgeting and needing something to stimulate his mind or he’d die of boredom. Being an orphan meant that you spent a lot of time alone with your thoughts as well and by the time Xev was able to legally buy his own cigarettes, he’d exhausted every other means of dealing with boredom.    
  
“I’ll be honest, it’s really because I can’t seem to sit still. I think if I tried, I’d explode,” Xev teased in between sips of his tea. “And with all the traveling I do, it’s not easy having hobbies or to carry things to keep myself busy.”   
  
“That’s still no excuse for allowing cancer to form in your body. Though I’m sure you know that,” Sigma responded. “I don’t doubt that your occupation comes with it’s consequences, but willingly destroying your body does not benefit you in any way shape or form.”   
  
Xev didn’t respond immediately. If Sigma only knew just how deep that sentiment ran, he probably wouldn’t have said it to begin with. There were too many therapist appointments when he was younger where he had to discuss his self destructive habits. The circumstances were different of course, but the same principles applied. Growing up with his dysphoria made it extremely difficult to not want to destroy his own body and even with all the changes hormones brought on and surgery, that was a difficult habit to unlearn.   
  
“I know, you’re right. I need a better way to fight my demons don’t I?”   
  
Now Sigma paused, realizing that perhaps he had been a little too harsh with his wording. “I suppose so. I know you read but what else do you like to do?”   
  
Xev shrugged. “Not much else. I workout quite a bit, but that’s more of a work related thing than a hobby.”   
“I see… I’m sorry, I don’t have any solid advice to give you.”   
  
“Ah, don’t worry about it. I’m not expecting you to give me answers. I gotta figure that shit out on my own.”   
  
They were quiet for a moment, sipping their tea casually until they were done. Xev didn’t really know what else to talk about, but he wasn’t about to excuse himself after occupying Sigma’s time. His morality might be compromised, but he wasn’t about to just start being rude for no reason. “If you don’t mind me asking, how did you deal with being cooped up for so long?”   
  
Sigma blinked, as if he didn’t understand the question at first- but then the look in his eyes softened into a look of despair. “I… Don’t know really. I didn’t have much choice in the matter and with how… fractured my mind was, I just simply set myself to the task of keeping things together, so to speak.”   
  
“Sorry if that’s too personal to ask, I don’t mean to make you think about shit that’s gonna upset ya,” Xev offered in response, trying to be as apologetic as he could be. It wasn’t easy talking about things that were upsetting, least of all your own captivity and potentially your own failures. “I’m just curious is all. I know it had to be hard.”   
  
“It was difficult, to say the least. There are times where it seems there are two of me- one that’s confused and scared, and the other that is all knowing. It’s troublesome, to say the least.”   
  
“Two of you huh? Is that what happens when you uh.. Have an episode? Again, stop me if I’m asking too much.”   
  
Sigma shook his head. “It’s quite alright. It probably benefits me talking about these things anyway.”   
  
“I suppose you could say that it’s like that. I don’t remember much from any of my episodes and no one could ever seem to figure out why. From what I’m told though, it’s not a pleasant experience dealing with that other side of me.”   
  
Thinking back to their first encounter, Xev could say without a shadow of a doubt that that was true. The man who slung him into the ground without breaking a sweat was not the same man who sat before him.    
  
“I would go as far to say that that thing is… a monster. Truly,” Sigma sighed as his eyes focused on his now empty cup. “But there’s still so much I don’t understand that he seems to understand. If only there was some way I could piece things together, perhaps I would understand things more clearly.”   
  
“When you say understand things more clearly… do you mean about your episodes, or about your accident?”   
  
Sigma froze almost instantly, as if he didn’t expect Xev to know about what happened to him all those years ago. Immediately Xev regretted bringing it up- the fear of him having an episode caused his hands to sweat and his mind to race. There was no tranquilizer here to save him this time.   
  
“I… Suppose both. One would not exist without the other, as far as I understand it.”   
  
“Sigma-”   
  
“I told you to call me Siebren. There’s no need for call signs when we’re speaking privately, Xev,” Sigma countered almost angrily, only scaring Xev further in the process. “Besides, I said it was fine. I’m okay talking about these things now. It just… never occurred to me that you were so well informed.”   
  
Xev exhaled. “Alright, I’m just checking. I’ve got a lot of respect for you, that’s all.”   
  
Holding up his hand to stop Xev, Sigma continued. “I appreciate your concern, but allow me to finish my thought. The accident was unfortunate and traumatizing, to say the least. But the knowledge I gained from it? I wouldn’t trade that for the world.”   
  
“I guess as long as you learned something from it. I can’t imagine how that must have been though…”   
  
In all reality, there weren’t words in Xev’s vocabulary to even begin to imagine what happened during this supposed accident. In the files he read, it mentioned something about the manifestation of a black hole that was unstable, but what that meant exactly went over his head entirely. He just knew that it was bad and it nearly destroyed Horizon Lunar Colony when it happened.   
  
“I don’t think there are words in any language to describe what it felt like,” Sigma affirmed. “But over time I realized that I was gifted with knowledge of our universe. That, in my opinion, was well worth the consequences.”   
  
“Still… I know it probably doesn’t mean much coming from me, someone who doesn’t even understand half of all this science stuff, but… I’m sorry that happened to you. And what they did to you.”   
  
“... Thank you.”   
  
Xev looked up from his own coffee cup to get a good look at Sigma and saw that the man was nearly in tears, though he was trying his hardest to keep them at bay. The amount of pain and suffering he must have had to endure over the years was more than likely unbearable, and yet he remained here- trying his best to put the pieces back together. He could empathize with that, if only a little.   
  
Getting up from his chair on instinct, Xev put a hand to the man’s shoulder- instantly drawing his attention and away from the empty cup. “You’re a good man, Siebren. Really. You aren’t a monster. You just want to understand. I’m sorry I’ve upset you.”   
  
“You don’t have to keep apologizing, it's… quite alright. Excuse me, i didn’t mean to get so emotional,” Sigma spoke quietly, the tears still threatening to spill at any moment. “It’s just… so difficult to make sense of. I don’t even know if what I’m saying is right half of the time. To have everything taken from me, in the blink of an eye…”   
  
Xev nodded and patted his shoulder apologetically. “I understand- I think I do anyway. I can at least empathize with you, if nothing else.”   
  
They fell silent again as Sigma kept his tears at bay. There wasn’t a whole lot more Xev could say that he hadn’t already said, but he felt the need to comfort the man since he was the one who brought on this surge of emotion. If nothing else, he could say he tried.   
  
Sighing as he swallowed the last of his tears, Sigma finally sat up and rested his back on his chair. “Thank you for that. I know it’s not possible for you to fully understand, but I appreciate you trying. No one has ever wanted to try to understand.”   
  
“Well… even if I might not understand a lot of it, you’re free to talk to me about whatever you want. I’m no therapist or anything, but sometimes gettin’ shit off your chest does loads for your mind, ya know?”   
  
Sigma nodded. “I agree. I will keep that in mind, should the need ever arise.”   
  
Convinced that the man had calmed down enough, Xev removed his hand from Sigma’s shoulder and picked up the two cups from the table to take them to the small sink. “Anytime. Glad I can be of service.”   
  
A thought occurred to him as he rinsed the cups with warm water- there was a package of stroopwafels in his room that he managed to snag before they set off on their mission to The Hague. He technically had two packages of them, and one of them he already ate. They were apparently very popular in the Netherlands as a snack and they were super sweet. “Hold on a second. Let me run to my room real quick. I think I’ve got something for you.”

“O-Oh. alright.”   
  


* * *

  
Xev quickly ran down to his room without being too suspicious and grabbed the package of stroopwafels from his room. He hoped that no one would question why he was running around so late, but even if they did he would just tell them to fuck off and mind their business. There was no rule against wandering around in your free time, especially when you were as high a rank as he was.   
  
Thankfully he saw no one on the way there or back. He quietly slipped back into Sigma’s room and presented the package to him. “Here. I got some of these on a mission and I already had some. You like these, don’t you?”   
  
Sigma looked down at Xev and the package, taking it into his large hands with a soft smile. “Stroopwafels? How did you know I would like them?”   
  
“Well, I mean, I picked them up in the Netherlands and the cashier told me they were popular, so I took a shot in the dark.”   
  
“I haven’t had these in years…” Sigma said as he pulled the cellophane apart, letting the sweet smell of syrup fill the room in the process. “How kind of you, Xev. Thank you.”   
  
“Don’t mention it. ‘S the least I can do for you since you made me tea. I’ll let you enjoy them in peace though, I’ve bothered you enough for the night.”   
  
“You were hardly a bother. Please, seek me out if you should ever need company again. I actually enjoy our conversations, you know.”   
  
Xev flushed a little at that, quickly turning his head to avoid showing it. “Ah, well… thanks. Feeling’s mutual. Have a good night Siebren. Enjoy.”   
  
“Good night, Xev. Thank you.”   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter fought with me so god damned hard I almost said fuck it and made it less than 1200 words, buuuut I convinced myself that wasn't good enough and I needed to stop being a baby and just write it. I also had to do some more research because my dumb ass forgot about the Overwatch comics and realized I missed out on a huge chunk of Talon lore when it came to Baptiste's comic. But now I'm aware and yes I will be working that in at some point.
> 
> I wanted to get this chapter done before I go out of town later this week. And yes, I know- it's irresponsible to be traveling at a time like this. But my baby sister is graduating from high school and I want to be there for her when she gets her diploma. It's not going to be a big ceremony or anything, but it still matters to her and therefore it matters to me so I'm going, pandemic or not. I do plan on taking masks and sanitizer as well being extremely cautious when I'm out and about, though I doubt we'll be going anywhere or doing anything outside of picking up her diploma. 
> 
> With that being said, I don't know that I'll get another chance to update this week. I might still try planning out chapters and what not, but aside from that, I don't think I'll get around to actually writing anything until I get back. I have up to chapter 15 planned out and as long as I stay motivated, we should be good. In other news though I did finally draw Xev! You can see the picture of Xev on my art twitter which I'll leave the @ at the bottom! I plan on drawing him more but drawing takes a lot more out of me than writing does so be patient with me on that.
> 
> Hope you guys are doing well and staying safe. I appreciate all comments and kudos I get and it really helps keep the motivation going!
> 
> Art twt: @hangedwires  
> Personal twt: @shinsgay


	9. Certainty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sigma has one of his episodes. Xev tries to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Alcoholism mention, dysphoria, and suicidal ideation
> 
> In this chapter, we touch a little bit on alcoholism, dysphoria, and suicidal thoughts. Though it's brief and not super detailed, I know that can be triggering for some people. If any of that is triggering for you, please exercise caution when reading.
> 
> Author is FTM Trans and all experiences mentioned are based on my own. 
> 
> Enjoy!

The following morning Xev had to report to Moira bright and early for a follow up examination for his condition. Thankfully his limp had subsided thanks to the emitters he had been given and whatever it was that Moira injected him with. In all honesty, he didn’t feel the need to be examined again, but arguing with Moira was like trying to get a tree to move 6 inches to the left- impossible.

“Your condition seems to be stable, Kovock. If there are anomalies, I cannot detect them,” Moira said as she closed the folder that contained Xev’s chart. “You seem tired. Did you not sleep last night?”   
  
Xev shook his head. Between his guilt over the situation with Sigma and the nightmares he was having, it was hard for him to get any real sleep- but he wasn’t about to explain any of that to Moira. She wouldn’t care anyway. “Nah, I’m fine. Just not an early morning person. You know that.”   
  
Moira hummed. “Knowing your diet, it could be a symptom of malnutrition. You should eat more.”   
  
“Alright I don’t need ya motherin’ me. I said I’m alright,” Xev said as he waved her off. “I did wanna ask you something though.”   
  
“Go on.”   
  
Explaining this would be difficult, but it was something that had been on Xev’s mind for awhile. Though he was able to get his chest worked on many years ago, getting his reproductive organs removed had proven to be more difficult. Most doctors, even today, were hesitant on taking them in the event it caused issues or he “changed his mind.” But if anyone could work around the system, it was Moira. 

“I’m uh… I’ve been lookin’ to get the last surgery I need. This shit’s not doing me any good now that I’m older, and I sure as hell don’t want any spawns running around.”   
  
“Interesting that you bring this up now. I didn’t realize you were planning on being sexually active anytime soon.”   
  
Xev narrowed his eyes coldly at the red headed woman. “It’s not like that. It’s a dysphoria thing. I’d feel way more comfortable without ‘em, that’s all.”   
  
“I see. I don’t see why we can’t have this arranged, seeing as how you will be out of active duty for a while longer regardless.”   
  
Raising a brow, Xev leaned forward a bit on the examination table. “What do you mean by that?”   
  
“As we’ve discussed in meetings, we will be moving Subject Sigma to a remote facility to allow him a proper environment to do his work,” she explained, leveling an equally cold gaze back at him. “We will need someone to supervise him during his visits, and seeing as how he’s taken a liking to you, you will be the one to supervise him.”   
  
Xev blinked. While it was about time for them to change headquarters, he didn’t think it would be so soon. “So I guess we’ll be doin’ that soon then?”   
  
“Precisely. The plan is to have everything ready to move by this time next month, in fact.”   
  
Well, at least that gave him time to get rid of anything he didn’t want to bring along with him- not that he had much to begin with, but still. “So, Vancouver huh? Never been there before.”   
  
“It’s nice, especially around this time of the year,” Moira quipped as she tapped along her holopad doing god knows what. “It is considerably colder, however. You’ll be changing to winter fatigues more than likely.”   
  
“Makes sense. It’ll be a lot easier to deploy to Russia when things start heating up over there too.”   
  
Moira nodded. “It will also put us in a position to gather more intelligence, seeing as how we may be dealing with Overwatch once more.”   
  
Xev had almost forgotten about the tidbit about Overwatch’s reformation. It was hard to imagine that the glorified army would ever find it’s footing again after everything that happened, but he supposed it wasn’t impossible to think that they would return. There was a time when he thought about joining up and serving the cause, but when everything came out in the wash, Xev kept his distance from that pipe dream. Too much baggage, not enough reward.   
  
“Do you really think they’ll come back in full force? I mean… aren’t a lot of them dead anyway?”   
  
“Not exactly, no,” Moira responded. “They are stubborn headed fools who hold their own form of justice above everything else. What remains of Overwatch will surely be able to withstand the persecution that will follow.”   
  
“And that creates more problems for us.”   
  
“Undoubtedly. But they don’t realize the power we hold at the moment. It’s best we keep it that way until we’re ready to strike.”   
  
They both fell quiet, the only sound coming from the light tapping of Moira’s fingers on the screen of her holopad. Xev watched her for a moment, following the movements of her disfigured hand quietly. He’d always wondered what exactly happened to give her that arm, but he knew better than to ask. It would either be over his head or it would be something he absolutely didn’t want to know. One day he’d have the nerve to ask her, but not while she had him in her grasp.   
  


“Before you leave, I want you to see what Doctor de Kuiper needs for his facility. Anything of note can be reported to me directly.”

Xev nodded. “Understood.”   
  


* * *

  
  
His next objective was simple, and yet Xev was dragging his feet. There was a lot he was going to have to change in order to follow his duties moving forward and he wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about it. On the one hand, it was easier to handle Sigma and a lot less paperwork- but on the other hand he knew that his men were depending on him. And they weren’t even allowed to know he was affiliated in Sigma’s facilitation.

As if on cue, Xavier rounded the corner. Xev hadn’t had much of a chance to speak with his men after their last mission. A part of him regretted it, but surely they would understand that he was quite busy. “Ah, Commander! Just the person I was looking for!”   
  
Straightening out his posture and wiping the concern from his face, Xev offered a small smile to the younger man. “Mornin’ Xavier. What can I do for ya?”   
  
“I was just wanting to congratulate you- on our last mission, I mean. That call you made was a little crazy, but in the end it worked out.”   
  
Xev waved his hand. “No need to thank me. It was your shot that took the damned thing down.”   
  
“Well- yeah but still. It could have been bad if you hadn’t acted when you did,” Xavier countered as he rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. “How’s your side doing? That bump was pretty nasty looking, even from where I was.”   
  
“Just had Moira check me out this morning. Everything’s fine, and I’ve definitely had worse. How are the others holding up?”   
  
“Gabriel’s just fine and so is Javier.Though I think Gabriel took a hit to the head when we first broke in.”   
  
“Oh yeah? When did that happen?”   
  
“He got ganged up on and one of those idiots tried to knock him down by hitting him in the head. But we both know how that goes.”

Xev nodded. Gabriel was one of the so called veterans of his unit, not because of his age, but because of how many years he had racked up working for Talon. He was hot headed when they first met and started training, but over time Xev learned how to help the kid route that anger into something that was useful. That, and sticking him with Mauga for a few months helped teach him a thing or two about being reckless.   
  
“He’s tough, he’ll be okay.”   
  
Xavier nodded. “Couldn’t have said it better myself. Do you know when you’ll be coming back for active duty or..?”   
  
“Not for awhile. I’ve got some things I need to take care of first but I’ll still be around. They aren’t putting my old ass out to pasture just yet.”   
  
Xavier laughed at that, and so did Xev. “You aren’t old, boss. Just wise- or at least that’s what my dad used to say when people would call him old.”   
  
“Flattery will get you nowhere, soldier. But I’m glad you all are alright. Don’t let Jakobs wear you out too much, ya hear?”   
  
“No promises. He’s more of a hard ass than you are.”   
  
“I don’t doubt it. But he’ll teach you a lot, so pay attention,” Xev said as he patted Xavier’s shoulder in passing. “Good work out there kid. Tell the others I said so too.”   
  


* * *

  
Xev often daydreamed on his walks to and from places within the facility- mind wandering and racing over various scenarios both past and present. He swore it was almost like his mind never shut up. There was always something to consider, a decision to be doubted, and a solution lost somewhere in translation. It was really the only time he got to think clearly about these things- something about moving his body allowed him to think more clearly.

He thought about the last few meetings he had attended, and how just barely 6 months ago he wasn’t even allowed to know who served on the Council and now he was sitting side by side with them regularly. Talon kept their secrets hidden even within their own ranks, so to say it was surprising would be an understatement. He wondered if it was some ploy to settle him into a false sense of security, but his better judgement argued against it.   
  
Talon’s motives, in all reality, didn’t interest him much at all. Xev was only there to collect a paycheck and draw benefits to settle previous debts. But there were times when he questioned if that was enough to justify his means. After all, he didn’t sign up to be a glorified babysitter, or a guinea pig, but here he was.   
His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a blaring alarm; Red lights flashing all along the corridor that coincidentally lead to Sigma’s quarters. Xev wasted no time, picking up his pace into a full blown sprint as he barreled down to see what was causing the alarm. He almost ran into Doctor Fleur in his haste, but stopped himself just short of clocking her into the ground.   
  
It was clear from her expression that something had gone horribly wrong. “Commander Kovock! Please, we need your help!”   
  
“What’s going on, Fleur?! Tell me!”   
  
“I don’t know! Something set Doctor de Kuiper off but I don’t know what! He’s unstable right now.”   
  
Xev’s eyes moved from her to the door she was standing in front of- or what would have been a door. The mangled metal was barely hanging on to the frame and floated erratically in the air. “Call the guards. I’ll need back up if I can’t get him to calm down.”   
  
“You can’t go in there! We don’t know what he’ll do if given the chance to-”   
  
Xev shook his head and shoved her aside, trying his best to get a good look through the opening of the doorway. “I don’t have time to worry about what he might do, I need to stop him now before he does what he will do!”   
  
He didn’t wait to hear her resistance, pushing through the door and instantly feeling like he was weightless. Everything in the room was floating- books, shards of glass from various cups and electronics. In the middle of it all was Siebren, clutching his head and mouth hung open as if he were about to scream. It was clear that he was in immense pain and it wasn’t letting up anytime soon.   
  
“Siebren! Siebren can you hear me? It’s me! Xev!” Xev called out as he tried to pull himself closer to the man.   
  
For a moment, it seemed like Sigma heard him. His head turned in the direction Xev was coming from and the sight almost made Xev sick. His eyes were almost glowing, a piercing white like his irises had completely disappeared and the veins on his temples looked ready to burst from all the tension.

The gravity in the room intensified, sending Xev straight back into the wall with enough force to hurt him, but not enough to kill him. Getting up from this position was nearly impossible. “Siebren! Listen to me! I know you’re still in there!”   
  
“ **SILENCE!** ” Siebren roared as he forcefully pushed himself over to Xev, hand wrapping around the younger man’s throat and squeezing. “You know nothing of the universe! It’s secrets are known only to me!”

Struggling against the man’s ironclad grip on his throat, Xev tried in vain to pry Siebren’s large fingers away. It was getting harder and harder to breathe, and if he could swallow, he’d surely taste blood. “Sie-bren-”   
  
“Siebren de Kuiper is **_DEAD_**!” Sigma yelled, nearly crushing Xev’s windpipe in the process. “ _ **You**_ did this! You’re trying to take our secrets from us!”   
  
Xev could barely understand what was happening, let alone respond to any of it. The longer he stayed like this, the more danger he was in. Everything felt like it was crushing him- like his very life was being squeezed out of him. The last thing he remembered hearing before everything came crashing down was the sound of a trigger being pulled and the pressure on his throat was lifted.

* * *

  
  
He awoke several hours later in the same place he started this morning: Moira’s lab. Xev was too weak to push himself up from the bed, but he could turn his head just enough to see Doctor Fleur and Moira conversing just to his right.   
  
“We will have to monitor his condition over the next few days. I’ll need the data collected from the terminals to be handed over immediately for my own research purposes,” Moira said as she crossed her arms.   
  
“I don’t have a problem handing over the information, but we need to figure out why this happened so that we can prevent this from happening again!”   
  
“I understand your concern, Doctor Fleur, but you cannot rush the process. The sooner you get the information to me, the faster we will have results.”   
  
Fleur seemed to pause out of sheer frustration with Moira, then cast her gaze over her shoulder. “And what about Commander Kovock? He was nearly killed today and yet he still stepped in to try and resolve this without the use of sedation. The trauma his body has already endured is enough to render him unfit for duty and yet you insist on putting him to this task?”   
  
“Are you questioning my methods, Doctor Fleur?”   
  
They were both silent. Xev held his breath, trying to listen in as much as he could without them knowing.   
  
“... No, of course not, Doctor O’Deorain.”

  
“Good. Now get out of my sight before I change my mind about whether or not you deserve to have a position in my field.”   
  
The sound of the door sliding shut signaled the end of the conversation, leaving Xev to process the aftermath. He didn’t remember much from what happened, but what he did remember was the feeling of the air being squeezed out of him. His throat felt painfully dry and sore, like he had tried to scream for hours. He doubted he could talk even if he wanted to at the moment.   
  
Then he remembered Siebren- what he looked like, what he said. Was this what he meant when he said that it was like there were two sides of him? Xev didn’t think he meant it quite literally, but if this episode were anything to go off of…   
  
“Good, you’re awake,” Moira said as she stepped over to Xev’s side. “How are you feeling?”   
  
Xev opened his mouth to speak and instantly regretted it, prompting Moira to hand him a glass of water. “Drink this. I should have guessed you wouldn’t be able to speak.”   
  
Taking the glass into his hand, Xev tried to sit up well enough to drink it but only managed to get there barely. The water was cool on his throat and instantly cured the dryness, but the soreness was unbearable.   
  
“In case you were wondering, Doctor de Kuiper has been sedated and is being monitored closely. This episode was particularly bad, but the cause is yet unknown.”   
  
That answered one question, but Xev had so many more. He motioned for a pen of some kind, or anything he could use to communicate at this point. Moira handed him a holopad, watching him type for a moment before turning the screen back to her.

_ How is he doing? _   
  
“His condition is stable, for now. As for the damage this episode may have caused to his psyche and his body, that has yet to be determined.”   
  
Xev typed another message out.    
  
_ It wasn’t his fault. _   
  
“And how can you be so sure? Were you there before the incident happened?”   
  
Shaking his head, Xev tried to quickly type out another message to explain himself- but Moira cut him off. “I don’t want to hear useless theories, Kovock. If you know something, you can explain it later. For now, you need to rest.”   
  
Of course she wouldn’t listen. He couldn’t be 100% certain that this wasn’t brought on by their conversation the other night, but he had a sneaking suspicion that it contributed to it. And he felt guilty because of it. There was no point in arguing with Moira now though, especially since he couldn’t voice his concerns physically.   
  
Xev handed the holopad back to Moira reluctantly and finished his water. “The good news for you is that the bruising seems to be healing relatively quickly, thanks to the emitter.”   
  
Tentatively bringing a hand up to feel his neck, Xev could feel the swollenness of his throat very easily. If he tried hard enough, he would probably be able to feel the individual marks from Siebren’s fingers. It was tender, but nowhere near as bad as he thought it would be. “I’ll be running an experimental drug through your system that will hopefully help you recover, but may have some adverse side effects.”   
  
The look Xev gave Moira was enough to ask the question without words. “Not death, mind you but it could cause migraines or loss of sensation in your neck and shoulders for a few hours. It’s nothing to be seriously alarmed about.”   
  
So she says.   
  
“I need to tend to Doctor de Kuiper. Be a good soldier and stay put will you? I don’t want to have to keep you here longer than necessary.”   
  


* * *

Resting was boring, Xev determined. He’d done enough resting over the last few months to last him a lifetime and quite frankly it was driving him insane. He wasn’t allowed to leave Moira’s lab until the effects of this “experimental drug” were determined- and so far nothing had come of it after several hours. He hoped it stayed that way.   
  
It was late into the night and Moira finally decided to turn in for the night. She insisted that Xev stay put until morning and to page her should anything come up- not that he would at this point but anything to keep the peace for the time being. He also didn’t want to let on that his voice had come back somewhat because that meant having to explain what he meant earlier- and that was not something he was prepared to do right now.   
  
The room was quiet and dimly lit. Siebren had been put in the bed immediately to Xev’s left and for the first time all day, he finally got a good look at him. He was awake now- sitting cross-legged on his bed with his head in his hands. He wasn’t crying from what Xev could tell, but he was still distressed. Xev honestly felt bad for the poor guy. He probably didn’t even remember what he did and woke up in an unfamiliar setting with people poking at him.   
  
“Siebren? Ya alright over there?” Xev called out weakly, feeling the strain on his vocal cords immediately.    
  
Siebren raised his head and looked in Xev’s direction, apparently unaware that he was even there. “Xev? What are you doing here?”   
  
“Ahh… Do you remember anything from earlier? Because if you don’t I’m not gonna remind you.”   
  
“I…” Siebren stammered. “I do. Mostly, anyway.”   
  
“Listen, don’t-”   
  
“I did that to you, didn’t I?”   
  
Now Xev was silent. How was he supposed to navigate this? Should he be angry with Siebren for having lost control and nearly killing him? Or should he be sympathetic to him and try to de-escalate?   
  
“... Yeah. But it’s okay.”   
  
“How can it possibly be okay? I nearly killed you and you’ve done nothing to wrong me,” Siebren interrupted, his voice low and solemn. “If only I held it together, you wouldn’t be in this situation.”   
  
“Hey, listen to me alright? I know that wasn’t you. You told me it wasn’t.”   
  
“I… I did?”   
  
Xev nodded. “Yeah. Whatever… that was, I know it wasn’t you. I tried to get through to you, but I think you were too far gone.”   
  
“What did I say? I can’t quite remember the details…”   
  
Chewing his lip nervously, Xev paused to recall exactly what Siebren had said to him in the heat of the moment.    
  
_ Siebren de Kuiper is **DEAD**. **YOU** did this! You’re trying to take our secrets from me!  
_   
“... Siebren de Kuiper is dead. That’s what you said,” Xev said finally. “It was strange but… that tells me you weren’t in control back there, right?”   
  
Now Siebren nodded. “I see… I’m sorry for the trouble I caused. You shouldn’t have come near me.”   
  
“Yeah, maybe I shouldn’t have, but you needed help. I wanted to help you.”   
  
“And just why would you want to help a monster like me? You could have been killed.”   
  
In all honesty, Xev didn’t know why he jumped in, alone nonetheless, to try and help the man. He could have easily waited for back up, or just sedated him right on the spot. But something in him told him to try and get through to Siebren- something he wasn’t sure he could name at the moment.    
  
“... Look, hear me out okay? I know what it feels like to feel helpless and stuck in your own mind. Ain’t that how it feels when you go through these things?”   
  
Siebren didn’t respond, but still held Xev’s gaze as he listened to what he had to say. “When I was younger, I had a problem with alcohol. It was pretty nasty, not gonna lie- Made me violent, reckless, and careless.”   
  
It wasn’t something he was proud of, but it was true. Alcohol had always been Xev’s vice- something that gripped him and pulled him down into the deepest pits of his own personal hell. It was why he almost refused to drink sometimes and why he kept himself in check, lest he go back to being the degenerate he always hated. 

“I tried to quit a number of times, but it was like the bottle kept calling out to me when things got hard. I drank when I was sad, which was 90% of the time, I drank when I was tired. I drank when I woke up, before work, after work, and before I went to sleep. There wasn’t a moment in those 4 years where I was sober.”   
  
Siebren quietly listened with a forlorn expression on his face as Xev spoke.   
  
“Like you, there were two sides to me: One that was normal and the other that was just… a monster. I was never proud of what I did when I was drunk, even when I could remember it. I know it’s not exactly the same as what yer going through but… I can’t help but see similarities.”   
  
“I hurt people- people I loved, people I hated. And I hurt myself. In that 4 year span I had to be revived by doctors 7 separate times because I had went too far. Sometimes it was accidental, other times, it was on purpose,” Xev said with a small huff. He didn’t like reflecting on this part of his life, but if it helped Siebren understand then perhaps it was worth it.    
  
“It was a very dark time in my life. I didn’t have a purpose and I hated living so badly that I’d do anything to try to be numb. And one day… I managed to get it together.”   
  
Siebren still hadn’t tried to interrupt him and was still listening when Xev finally looked over to him. He seemed sad still, but he at least understood a bit more than he did earlier.   
  
“But why would you hate living so much? Was it because of the crisis?”   
  
Xev shook his head. “No… not exactly. Sure, that was part of it, but… How do I put this….”   
  
“If it’s too much to explain, please don’t feel-”   
  
“No, you’d find out sooner or later. It’s fine. It’s probably best that I just show you,” Xev responded as he slowly pushed himself up from his bed and began to remove his shirt. His hand gestured to the two crescent shaped scars just under his pecs. It was accompanied by a number of other scars, but they were the most prominent. “You saw these the other day when we went to the med bay right? Do you know what they are?”   
  
“No I… can’t say I do.”   
  
Of course he didn’t.   
  
“Siebren, I’m… I’m transgender. I wasn’t born in the right body- if that makes sense.”   
  
Xev paused then and studied Siebren’s expression out of the corner of his eye, hoping that the older man wouldn’t look at him with pure disgust like others had. Instead, he found a look of curiosity in his pale blue eyes- wondering and intrigued.    
  
“I was assigned female at birth, but when I got older, I realized that that wasn’t right. This body… felt like a cage. Every day I would look in the mirror and be absolutely disgusted by what I saw. It was… It was like what I saw in the mirror wasn’t me- like I was looking at someone else entirely, but through my own eyes.”   
  
“Part of the reason I didn’t have a purpose was because I felt like life wasn’t worth living in this body I had been given. I was meant to be a boy, but my body… was that of a female.”   
  
“I see… I think I’ve heard of this before, actually,” Siebren responded calmly. “So those scars are from surgery then? Is my observation correct?”   
  
Xev nodded, taking a deep breath. He was thankful that the older man was more understanding than most, but talking about this with strangers always put him on edge. “When I stopped drinking, I started to try and find myself. Ya know, be the person I wanted to see in the mirror. I started hormones, got surgery… and it grounded me enough that I was able to live again.”   
  
“I know it’s not the same, but again, I can’t help but see some similarities. I was stuck in my body and my own mind for so long that now, looking back on it, it’s like I lived two different lives.”   
  
When he paused this time, Xev put his shirt back on. He wasn’t sure he got his message across, but at the very least, knowing that someone else has struggled similarly helped some people. Perhaps it could help Siebren.   
  
“We’re going to be moving to Vancouver soon, and you’ll get your own facility. That’s what I was stopping by to tell you when your episode happened. It’s not much but… I don’t know, maybe it’s enough to hold on to the next time you feel yourself slipping.”   
  
Shifting awkwardly in the silence, Xev turned himself on his back to lay back down on his bed once more. “I meant what I said the other night. You’re a good man, Siebren. I don’t have a doubt in my mind about that.”   
  
“... Thank you for sharing all of that with me. I can tell it wasn’t easy for you,” Siebren responded quietly. “If it eases your mind, neither of those things changes my opinion about you. You’ve shown me nothing but kindness since I arrived and you try to help, even if it means taking a risk. I can’t say anyone in my life has ever done that for me. I’m thankful for that.”   
  
Xev offered a small smile in return. “I’m glad I can help ya out. I’m not mad at you either, by the way. So don’t worry yourself sick over it. Let’s just put this behind us and work on getting you to a better place, alright?”   
  
“That’s… reasonable.”   
  
“Alright. Thanks for listening to me.”   
  
“Anytime, Xev.”

* * *

Xev had passed out from exhaustion a few hours ago, but Siebren remained awake in his bed- contemplating their conversation as he stared up at the ceiling. Perhaps being in isolation made his feelings more intense, or maybe he just wasn’t used to having an acquaintance quite like Xev, but he found himself enjoying their conversations more and more with each passing day. Xev was kind, despite his hard exterior, and he was so open with him. Why Siebren wasn’t quite sure, but he was thankful for the companionship all the same.   
  
The idea of being able to continue his research unhindered was a grounding thought that would keep him occupied for awhile, but how long until that wasn’t enough? Would he self-destruct just as he did earlier? Or would it get worse as time went on? There were so many questions he had and so little answers, it almost drove him crazy to think about it for more than a second.   
  
His pale blue eyes looked over to the sleeping mass to his right and he couldn’t help the fond smile that spread across his lips. The younger man snored and shifted in his sleep for a moment, then fell back into a quiet rest against the light coming from one of the far off windows. It was strange to see him so peaceful- the weight of the frown he usually carried gone from his face. He looked younger this way. Whatever the answers may be, at least he knew that he could rely on Xev to listen to him when he needed it most.

That much, he was certain of.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so this chapter fought me quite a bit. I ended up combining some bits of what was supposed to be this chapter and the next because this chapter would have been too short and I personally wasn't a fan of that. Especially since I was gone for so long. But we're starting to touch on the "slow-burn" aspect of this fic and that hopefully satisfies enough people till I can get the next chapter ready.
> 
> Updates may still be kind of slow as I try to get back into the rhythm of writing. I took nearly a full week off from updating because I was travelling for my sister's graduation but I still managed to plan some more of future chapters while I was away. Thankfully we seem to all be healthy and well, but I may be taking the same trip this weekend to get my other sister to come spend some time away from some things. It'll be fun because I genuinely enjoyed seeing my sisters after being away for so long and the more time I can spend with them, the better.
> 
> Thank you guys for being so patient with me while I was away. I appreciated some of the feedback I got on twitter and I'm always looking for ways to improve so feel free to let me know what you think!
> 
> To get more updates on the fic, follow my twitter(s):
> 
> Personal twt: @shinsgay  
> Art twt: @hangedwires


	10. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xev undergoes surgery before the move to the new headquarters. His recovery does not go as planned

Hospitals were not Xev's favorite place to be, by any means. Despite the hospital being a Talon designated spot for emergency treatment, he didn't trust that things were as safe as they seemed. But he didn't have much of a choice, seeing as how all of this was to remain under wraps from the other soldiers.

They left early that morning- Sombra elected to do the honors of being Xev's escort as opposed to Moira, who didn't want to go to begin with. Reaper would intimidate too many people and Akande was busy with more important matters.

Though he didn't feel the escort was necessary, he supposed it wasn't as bad as it could be. The ride there was short, but the wait to be called in for surgery took hours. 

Xev huffed angrily. "Ya know, sometimes I wish Moira were actually a surgeon. Sure I might lose a few extra organs but at least I wouldn't be forced to sit here and wait for it to happen."

"You're just impatient, amigo," Sombra responded as she tapped away at something in front of her. "Besides, you'll be so doped up afterwards you won't even care."

"Yeah, that's what I'm most afraid of honestly."

Purple lips quirked into a small smirk. "Why? Got some dirty secrets you're afraid of spilling?"

Xev waved his hand and scoffed. "As if. If anyone knows my dirty secrets, it's you."

"You're not wrong," Sombra clicked her tongue and wove her fingers as if to wipe away whatever it was she had been fooling with. "Heard you took the heat for Sigma after his little accident. Moira sure seemed pissed about it."

"Yeah because she can't take no for an answer and doesn't like to be wrong."

"What happened anyway? The reports didn't tell me much but it must have been pretty bad for her to get all worked up."

Xev crossed his arms and slid down in his chair. The days after Siebren's incident were a headache to say the least- between recovery from his nearly crushed throat and having to argue with Moira, he was surprised he was able to get much of anything done.

_ When his voice came back, Xev had called for Moira to speak about what had happened. She claimed that his theory that he was to blame for the incident was ridiculous- that there was no proof that their conversation triggered something.  _

_ According to Doctor Fleur, Sigma had been murmuring nonsense all morning- something about equations and there being something wrong. If she had to guess, he was trying to make up for his previous failures on Horizon and had struggled to piece things together- though she couldn't be 100% certain. _

_ Aside from that, it seemed that his instability spiked instantly, causing the gravitic anomalies and a number of electrical surges and related phenomena throughout the facility. While it should have been a relief to hear that he wasn’t the direct cause of it, Xev still felt guilty about the whole thing; not only because it must have been horrific for Sigma to have experienced, but because it would also ruin the man’s chances of getting to his own facility. _ _  
_   
That was what Moira and Xev had clashed over. Moira still felt it was extremely risky to allow Siebren to move freely on his own when his mind was clearly unstable, and that he had to be made to understand the repercussions of his outbursts. Xev argued that Moira’s way of thinking might work on a small child but this was a grown man- if they allowed him to sit and suffer alone with his thoughts in his gilded cage they had built for him, the effects on his mind could be catastrophic. If they caged him for too long, he was sure to use that incredible intellect of his in order to find a way to break out. Then what would they do?   
  
“I told her that it was cruel to leverage his instability against him when just a week ago, she was sending him out on a low maintenance mission that could have ended in our operation being exposed,” Xev shifted in his seat and examined his fingernails as if bored. “She didn’t like it and wanted to hold off on putting him in his own facility. I argued otherwise.”   
  
“Woooooow, looks like somebody grew a set of balls,” Sombra teased with a smirk. “Hard to believe you’d stick your neck out that far for the guy. You really like him, don’t you?”   
  
“Will you cut that shit out? I’m not a little kid. I don’t have crushes on people.”   
  
The small smirk widened into a grin and Sombra rested her hand on the armrest closest to Xev. “Who said anything about a crush?”   
  
Xev rolled his eyes in response. “Even if I did like him, what could I do about it? You think they’d let me just shack up with one of their precious assets? Moira would murder me.”   
  
“I think you’re approaching this the wrong way, hermano. What would Moira say if you said that having that relationship with him could be the key to keeping him stable? I think you could manage that.”   
  
He hadn’t thought about it that way. Granted, he didn’t allow himself to think about it too much, lest he get his hopes up. “... I don’t know Sombra. That sounds like a lot of work.”   
  
“So you admit it then?”   
  
“I’m going to shove my foot right up your-”   
  
“Commander Kovock? We’re ready for surgery,” the nurse said as she opened the door with a smile. Sombra immediately backed off, but not without laughing at Xev’s expense.   
  
“We’ll talk about this later. Don’t think you’ve won this.”   
  
“Whatever you say dude.”   
  


* * *

The surgery didn’t take that long. The two hours spent in the operating room went by quickly, much to Sombra’s relief, and they were on their way back to headquarters shortly after. Sombra didn’t make any more comments about their earlier conversation- almost as if she took pity on him. Xev wasn’t even coherent enough to understand what she was trying to tell him even as they made their way to his quarters.   
  
“Alright, I’ll leave you alone till you come down,” Sombra said as she helped him from his wheelchair to his bed. Xev just groaned in pain, curling up immediately in the mass of blankets and pillows provided to him by Sombra herself. The room felt like it was spinning and even the slightest movement or noise made his stomach do unbearable flips. 

“You look pathetic,” Sombra commented playfully, earning another groan from Xev as she put the bottle of pain medication on his bedside table. “I’ll leave the emitter on for you, but you should still try to take the medicine the doctor gave you.”   
  
Xev could only nod and Sombra took that as her cue to exit the room. “Try not to die on us. Your lover boy will be so upset.”   
  
A pillow flew across the room and hit the door as it closed, leaving Xev alone in his drug induced stupor.

* * *

“I take it things went well?” Moira asked as Sombra entered the lab.   
  
“He’s out cold. I honestly felt sorry for him. Curled up in a ball the second we got to his room.”   
  
Sombra’s brown eyes scanned the room, spotting an unfamiliar figure in the room. “You must be Doctor de Kuiper. Didn’t know you were a literal skyscraper.”   
  
Siebren paused his writing to look down at the latina woman, expression blank and frosty. “And just who are you if you don’t mind me asking?”   
  
“Sombra, at your service,” Sombra responded with a teasing bow and a grin. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”   
  
Siebren’s eyes moved from Sombra to Moira, who rolled her mismatched eyes by way of response. It was clear to him that the woman’s playful nature was a deception, evidenced by the fact she was allowed to simply waltz into the laboratory without being summoned. To that end- judging by Moira’s irritable expression- she was also a pain to deal with.   
  
“I can’t say the same for you.”   
  
“No one can,” Sombra quipped as she straightened herself out. “As far as anyone is concerned, I don’t even exist.”   
  
Siebren blinked. “I see.”   
  
“You, however, are pretty famous. Almost as famous as our resident scientist over there.”   
  
Famous was not the word Siebren would use to describe Moira or her legacy, but he wasn’t about to argue semantics with anyone.    
  
“You seem to be well informed for someone so young. I suppose I should take that as a compliment.”   
  
Sombra nodded matter-of-factly. “Correcto. Knowledge is my game just like science is yours, hombre.”   
  
“Seems fitting for someone with such a quick wit,” Siebren acknowledged, turning his attention back to his writing. “Doctor O’Deorain must have a lot of faith in you to trust you with the care of Commander Kovock, no?”   
  
“I wouldn’t say that- Xev and I are close buds, you see.”   
  
It was hard to imagine that Xev could tolerate someone like Sombra, but Siebren supposed it was presumptuous of him to think that he knew everything about the woman from first glance.    
  
“From what I hear, you’ve gotten pretty close with our good ol’ Commander Kovock,” Sombra said teasingly, slinking around to be in his line of sight once more. “He’s nice. Too nice sometimes. Don’t you think?”   
  
Siebren didn’t respond at first, trying his best to keep his frustration at bay. His opinion of Xev didn’t matter to anyone but him. Why should he feel compelled to explain that to anyone? “I suppose you could say that.”   
  
“He’s also incredibly reckless,” Moira sharp voice chimed in from her spot at her desk. She’d kept a close eye on the two of them as they conversed, but hadn’t felt compelled to contribute until then. “Almost as reckless as you, Sombra.”   
  
“Hey, hey what’s that supposed to mean? I like to think I get my job done pretty efficiently,” Sombra reacted with a raised eyebrow and feigned anger. It was clear to Siebren that she really didn’t care what anyone had to say about her and that included even someone like Moira, who he guessed was likely to be her superior in this organization. 

Moira met her gaze with a cold stare- the same calm, but calculated expression she wore constantly when speaking with people she felt were beneath her. “Merely an observation. Now, would you care to leave us to do our work? We’re quite busy if you couldn’t tell.”    
  
“Aww, that’s the thanks I get for looking after your favorite guinea pig?” Sombra countered as she moved past Siebren to stand at the edge of Moira’s desk. “I believe we had an agreement.”   
  
Sighing, as if the thought of pausing to acknowledge the woman any further were the greatest inconvenience she had ever known, Moira slid open the top drawer of her desk and handed a small flash drive over to Sombra. “This will explain how to upgrade your cybernetics. Look it over and come to me should you decide that it is something you want to incorporate. Now leave before I change my mind and snatch it back.”   
  
Taking the small drive into her well manicured hands, Sombra examined it carefully before pocketing it. “Pleasure doing business with you amiga.”   
  
She then turned to wave at Siebren, who offered the briefest of waves back, before heading to the door. “Nice to meet you, amigo. Try not to let her bore you to death in here, she has a tendency to do that.”

Before Moira could even think about responding to her sarcastic comment, Sombra was out of the door.   
  
“She seems to be a handful,” Siebren commented, finding himself unable to refocus on his work since Sombra’s exuberant disruption and opting instead to take a break.    
  
Moira sighed and massaged her temples. Sombra’s involvement with Talon was complicated, to say the least. She had been brought aboard as a counterintelligence agent for the sole purpose of undermining their enemies without them even knowing. Over time, her role became more integral to combat missions, given that she could manipulate most technology with a single touch. Sombra was still able to continue pursuing her own agenda, just like the rest of Talon were, which meant that Moira could at least be grateful for the scant moments of peace until she returned with all of her enthusiasm.

“You don’t even know half of it.”   
  
“What role does she play? Surely it must be something of not if she can speak freely like that.”   
  
“Her usefulness knows no boundaries in the eyes of Maximilien. Her ability to hack into even the most heavily encrypted databases is unmatched. She keeps us informed of our enemies’ movements in exchange for upgrades and access to various connections we have.”   
  
So, she was smarter than she appeared to be. Siebren’s assumptions were already proving to be incorrect. “It’s astounding that someone so young would be so well versed in her field.”   
  
“Indeed. She has a brilliant mind but the mentality of a young girl. You’ll get to know her more as time goes on, that much, I’m certain of.”   
  
Siebren nodded thoughtfully. Perhaps he ought to invest more time into learning more about his colleagues. The only person of whom he had such intimate knowledge was Xev, and whilst he was content with that, it would do him no good to be out in the field without a shred of an idea of who he was working with.   
  
“I’m just glad his surgery went well.”   
  
Moira raised a thin brow. “You seem awfully concerned with Commander Kovock, Doctor de Kuiper.”   
  
“No, not concerned, just… intrigued, I suppose.”   
  
He hadn’t related to Moira the particulars of their conversation . There was no telling what anyone else knew and he didn’t want to risk the possibility of giving too much information to the wrong person. It wasn’t his place to share such a thing anyway.   
  
“You’ll learn that Xev frequents my care often. It’s not unusual for him to be around here when he isn’t on duty or off on bed rest,” Moira explained as she folded one leg over the other. “As I said, he’s quite reckless. But as Sombra said, he is my favorite guinea pig.”   
  
“I was curious about that comment, but didn’t want to pry into business that did not concern me.”

Siebren knew it wasn’t his place to pry into Xev’s personal life, nor was it his place to ask Moira about the methods by which she conducted her research. Even if it did interest him, to a degree.   
  
Turning back to her computer, Moira pulled a document up on her screen with a quick movement casted it to the much bigger screen between them. The file in question was titled subject number 4016- Xev’s call number, if Siebren had to guess. The photograph accompanied with the bio depicted a much younger Xev. His hair was buzzed short, eyes a little brighter and his face rounder. The picture was taken long before stress lines had been carved around his thin mouth and when Siebren looked close enough, he could see the faintest dusting of freckles around his eyes and nose. He looked tired, perhaps even sad with the way the corners of his mouth were downturned and the dark circles under his eyes being more prominent. In comparison, Xev seemed happier now- healthy, even.

“As I said, with time, you’ll come to learn these things. Xev is a special case within our ranks, you could say,” Efficacious, Moira continued with a flourish of her hand. “On top of being the fastest to ever climb the ranks of Talon, he has shown significant resilience when it comes to the various strength and vitality tests I have run on him over the years.”   
  
Siebren nodded along, pale blue eyes skimming over what little information he could glean from the document that he was being shown. “I see, but unless I’m mistaken, I don't understand why that makes him a special case. Care to elaborate?”   
  
“He’s special in two specific ways. I don’t know if he’s revealed this information to you before, but he is what we in the medical field call transgender. I’ve never worked with a transgender subject before,” Moira explained as she held up two thin fingers. “The second reason is that his genetic makeup has proven to be stronger than most, but the reason is unclear. This makes him the perfect test subject for genetic modification.”   
  
The next document she shared was one which detailed a number of different things found on a genetic level that most ordinary doctors wouldn’t even think of examining. It made sense for Moira to have an interest in such things, but a lot of the document’s finer meanings were lost on Siebren. The longer he read, however, the more concerned he became. One thing which stuck out in particular was a highlighted portion of the document that read: Subject is prepared for mutation process, effective March X, XXXX. His fist clenched on instinct, fingers wrapped tightly in the sleeve of his lab coat.   
  
“Genetic mutation? What kind of mutation did you have in mind, Doctor O’Deorain?” Siebren questioned as he caught Moira’s gaze, eyes narrowed and brow creased in concern. The mere thought of genetic mutation was horrific, but he would hope that Moira wouldn’t put her Talon lives at risk for the sake of science- and surely not those of her own men. But he also knew her reputation- which  was why that neat little dated appendment could not and did not sit right with him.   
  
“I have some ideas, but none of them have come to fruition just yet,” she explained coolly as she closed out the documents on the screen. “With Lacroix, things were much more simple. Once we broke her will, manipulating her genetic code was simple. She is the perfect assassin thanks to that. What more could I do to improve upon previous successes?”   
  
It was almost as if she were offering the question to Siebren. In the realm of possibilities, there were many things that Moira could do. If she wanted, she could turn him into a monster capable of leveling buildings and leaving naught but chaos in his wake. She could also do fashion him into a weapon more subtle, it was well within her power to give him the ability to manipulate things at will. In Siebren’s opinion, the latter was the better option but what did he know about the possibilities of genetic mutation?   
  
“It depends on what you hope to accomplish. If it is a personal discovery you are after, then I can’t give any solid advice. However, if this is for the organization’s sake, I would suggest determining what it is that Talon seems to lack,” Siebren responded thoughtfully. “What would an enemy hate to see come from this organization?”   
  
Humming, Moira tapped her fingers rhythmically across the steel of her desk. She was quiet while she reflected on the possibilities, leaving Siebren to wonder what exactly he had planted and would soon reap. 

She smiled. “That changes my thinking. Thank you Doctor de Kuiper for your input. I may have just decided what possibility I would like to explore.”   
  
“Happy to help a colleague.”   
  


* * *

  
When Xev awoke several hours later, it was into a dawn of total misery. The emitter might well have been helping with the pain, but the general soreness and queasy feeling in his stomach was not going away any time soon. It was a sickening blend of the trauma on his body coupled with the fact he hadn’t ate anything since before his surgery. Who was to say?   
  
Rolling over onto his other side carefully, Xev tried to focus on not jumping up and running to the bathroom by forcing his eyes shut and curling in on himself.   
  
“Commander Kovock, is everything alright? I’m detecting severe nausea and abdominal pain.”

Xev had forgotten that Prometheus was trained to monitor vitals, especially in situations where they were on bed rest and would need medical assistance. It was smart on Maximilien’s part to have it incorporated, but it was also creepy.   
  
“I need food. Tell them to bring me something easy on the stomach. Soup or something.”   
  
“Of course sir. Should I also page Doctor O’Deorain for you?”   
  
Xev shook his head. “No, just the food thank you. I’ll be fine once I eat I think.”   
  
“As you wish. Your food will be brought down in 15 minutes.”   
  
The room fell silent again, much to Xev’s relief. He hadn’t expected that the surgery would affect him so badly but then again, the doctor did warn him that most people have a hard time after something like this. It was the same after his top surgery- sick for days and when it finally let up, Xev felt like he could kiss the ground his doctor walked on.   
  
He hated feeling nauseous. It was worse than breaking a bone, at least to him, because he could never tell what exactly was causing his stomach distress. Was it something he ate? Not eating? Medicine? Moving around too much? Trapped gas? Too many possibilities and not enough brain cells to formulate a plausible answer.   
  
There was a knock on his door. Xev’s mouth was watering thinking about the delicious hot soup he had coming his way, but what he didn’t expect to see was Siebren holding the tray. “Oh, pardon. You called for soup and I thought I would make myself useful and bring it to you.”   
  
Xev blinked- unable to process a proper thought or question in that moment. He was stunned that they would willingly let Siebren roam around so freely after his incident, let alone with a steaming bowl of what appeared to be chicken noodle soup. Whatever. Didn’t matter. He was hungry and thankful for the dinner in bed.   
  
“Thanks, I appreciate it,” Xev responded as he pushed himself up into a sitting position with a light hiss. Siebren settled the tray on his lap and even helped prop him up with the extra pillows that had fallen over the edge of the bed.   
  
“It seems as though this surgery has taken its toll on you. You look gastly.”   
  
“I look like shit is what I look like. Feel like it too.” Carefully bringing the steaming spoon up to his lips, Xev blew on the hot soup to cool it off before sucking it down. It was an instant relief on his stomach, thankfully, but he still felt hungry.   
  
“I can see that. Hopefully the soup will help.” Looking around the small room, Siebren pointed at the desk chair. “Do you mind if I stay awhile? I don’t want to keep you awake for too long.”   
  
Xev shook his head quickly between spoonfuls of soup. “Go ahead. I don’t mind. Dunno how much of a conversationalist I’ll be but you can try.”   
  
Siebren pulled the chair over to Xev’s bedside with a wave of his hand and to a seat elegantly. It was funny seeing him be forced to adjust because his legs were too long for him to be as close as he wanted. “Not to worry, I understand. Surgery is very hard on the body.”   
  
“Yeah, but I heal quickly. As long as I keep my ass in bed, I should be alright in a few days. It’s the upset stomach I can’t stand.”   
  
“It surely isn’t pleasant,” Siebren commented with an apologetic smile. “Besides that, how are you feeling? This is a big accomplishment for you as I understand it.”   
  
It was… freeing, to say the least. Though Xev believed that it wasn’t the parts that constituted him being a man, he couldn’t argue that it felt good to finally be rid of the last remnants of his womanhood.    
  
“Feels pretty good, not gonna lie. Dunno that I would consider it an accomplishment though.”   
  
“Why not?”   
  
“Because… I dunno. I just don’t I guess.”   
  
To Xev, an accomplishment consisted of something he could be proud of. It didn’t have to be physical, per say, but he wouldn’t be bragging about having his shit ripped out of him at parties. It was more like a subtle milestone more than anything.   
  
“It’s just a relief that it’s gone. The concept of childbirth scares the shit out of me.”   
  
“I suppose I can understand that,” Siebren responded as he folded his arms across his broad chest. “I wasn’t sure that that was possible given your condition, but that shows how little I seem to know about it.”   
  
Xev shrugged, his soup already half gone due to the hunger with which he was eating it. His stomach felt as though it were convinced his throat had been cut by the steaming liquid but relieved all the same to have something to occupy it. “Oh yeah, it could have happened. I mean, I would have had to have had sex with someone for it to happen, but still.”   
  
Obviously. “I take it you don’t have someone special in your life then?”   
  
Setting his spoon down, Xev looked questioningly at Siebren. “C’mon. You think I have time for any of that when I work here? Besides, if anyone here found out about me, I’d be given hell.”   
  
“Ah, I see.” Siebren couldn’t talk- he hadn’t dated anyone in years- hadn’t even considered it since his accident. Like Xev, he was far more invested in his work than romance or sex, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t thought about it before. “My apologies if that was too personal.”   
  
“It’s fine, no harm. You brought me soup when you didn’t have to, I’m not in any position to complain.”   
  
Siebren chuckled. “It wasn’t a horrible inconvenience. It’s the least I can do after you spoke with Moira on my behalf.”   
  
“Oh, you heard about that huh? Did she tell you or did Sombra?” Xev asked as he brought another spoonful of soup up to his lips.   
  
“Doctor O’Deorain explained it to me. We discussed the terms of the arrangement moving forward and she said that I was “lucky to have someone speak up on my behalf”. She didn’t seem too happy about it.”

While Xev was relieved to hear that Moira had changed her mind on the whole facility deal, he had to wonder just how he got brought up in a conversation like that. It wasn’t all that odd, but the fact that she shared that information with Siebren struck a chord in him. What did she have to benefit from telling him any of that? He would never know. She was forever enigmatic.   
  
“Yeaaah well, that happens sometimes. She’ll get over it though,” Xev waved his hand and sat his now empty bowl down on the tray in his lap. He already felt a little better now that his stomach wasn’t screaming at him for food. “I just knew that that wasn’t your fault. You can’t exactly control yourself sometimes- and you’re working on that right? Bound to be accidents.”   
  
“Of course, but I must admit, I still harbor some guilt over hurting you.”

“Siebren… I told you it’s fine. I’m alive aren’t I? Besides, didn’t they get some info they can use to help you figure out what exactly is causin’ all this?”   
  
Siebren's face softened, he supposed Xev had a point- Moira did say that the information she had gathered was interesting and would be analyzed as quickly as possible. But still… “I don’t like the idea of hurting people for no reason, Xev.”   
  
Xev had to stop himself from laughing. It seemed Siebren didn’t understand where he was, or who he was working with. Talon’s top priority was to hurt people for no reason. The Council could prance around it all they wanted, but there was no denying it when Xev had not only seen it first hand, but participated in it as well.   
  
“I get that. But really, it’s fine. So uh… are you excited about all of this? Think it’ll be good for you?”   
  
Not missing a beat, Siebren’s mood lifted as he smiled. “Yes, actually. I think it will give me a sense of.. .normality.”   
  
“Normality, huh?” That wasn’t something Xev thought about often. Normality wasn’t a thing he had known in years. But what was normal for him anyway? He shook his head and offered a small smile back. “Well, I’m happy for ya. I know this means a lot to ya and I’ll be happy to help any way I can when we move.”

  
Siebren was happy too, even though it didn’t show in the downturn of his thin lips. This would be his chance to start over and correct his mistakes. Soon, his life’s work would be a reality. “I look forward to your cooperation.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I actually planned for this chapter to be longer and had it all typed out when I realized it was going to clock in at over 8k words. I ran it by a friend of mine and they convinced me that that was too long and I needed to break it up- so I did. But don't worry, I still plan on posting the other chapter as soon as I finish editing it! I would post it right after this one, but I have to be at work later and should probably sleep if I know what's good for me.
> 
> I also apologize for the late update. I've been travelling and I had my sister come down to stay for a few days so my attention was sorely divided in about 100 different directions. I haven't even had the time to outline more chapters, but I'm hoping to work on that tonight when I get tired of editing.
> 
> Big shout out to my friend Robz who so kindly offered to be my beta reader and helped me break up some of the monotony in my writing. They have been an immense help both in this and prior stories and I cannot thank them enough for reading 21 google doc pages worth of something they barely understand. I owe ya one bud.
> 
> Let me know what you guys think! I love comments and kudos :) Also check out my twitters for various updates on the fic and art!
> 
> Art twt: @hangedwires  
> Personal twt: @shinsgay


	11. New Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talon moves their base of operations to Vancouver. New city, new facility, and new feelings.

With both Xev and Siebren’s conditions stabilized, everything was soon ready for the final phase of the move. It was more than a few days after his discharge from the hospital, but Xev felt like he could handle the flight.

The bulk of their equipment had been shipped already, save for what they would need immediately, so the last piece of the puzzle to be slotted into place that needed to go were the soldiers left to watch the perimeter. Which just happened to be the majority of Xev’s squad.   
  
Xev’s squad were in the process of loading up the final dropship by the time Xev managed to make his way up the dock. He was still a little sore, all things considered, but he didn’t dare let on as he passed by Xavier and Gabriel. “Everything good to go guys?”   
  
Xavier dropped what Xev assumed to be his personal duffle down and kicked it under his seat. “Think that’ll do it for me. You good to go boss?”   
  
“Ready as I’ll ever be. It’ll be cold as shit when we get there probably.”   
  
“I don’t doubt it. Gabriel, aren’t you from Vancouver or something? What’s it like?” Xavier asked as he plopped down in his seat with his arms behind his head. Gabriel rolled his eyes at the younger man, sitting a bit more gracefully in his seat beside Xavier.   
  
“No, I’m from Toronto. Other side of the country, dumbass.”   
  
“Hey, come on now. How am I supposed to know these things? I didn’t grow up there.”   
  
“No, but you ask me this same question all the time. I’m tempted to just start answering in French just so you’ll stop asking.”   
  
Xavier playfully shoved at Gabriel’s shoulder. If Xev didn’t know any better, he would swear they were brothers. Ever since Gabriel had been moved up to Xev’s squad, he and Xavier hadn’t stopped competing and bickering between each other. It was insufferable sometimes, but all it took to get them to stop was for Xev to raise his voice. “Alright guys, take it easy. I’m not filing any paperwork on the way over if one of you ends up getting dropped out the back of the ship.”   
  
Again, Gabriel rolled his eyes and Xavier sighed loudly. Siebren joined them shortly after with Reaper and Moira at his side. He smiled warmly at Xev and brushed past him to put his personal belongings underneath his own seat. Reaper glided wordlessly behind Moira as she offered Xev a curt nod, the masked man taking up his usual spot: the corner booth where he could sit in peace.

  
“Hey, do you think we’re gonna be alright with him on our ship?” Xavier asked in a hushed tone as he leaned towards Xev. “I don’t trust him, not after having to clean up his last accident.”   
  
Xev narrowed his eyes. “Can it. We’re fine.”   
  
“But sir-”   
  
“I don’t want to hear it. You’ve had a max 10 words with the guy and you wanna assume he’s so bad that he’d purposefully kill us all?” Xev’s voice came out a little louder than he had intended, hearing such mindless prejudice from one of his own made him angry. He didn’t care who heard what he said next. “If you’re that scared you oughta look at Reaper’s track record. He’s got a way higher body count and you aren’t afraid of him being on here.”   
  
Xavier fell quiet, side eyeing both Xev and Siebren before sighing again. The glower on his face was quickly dropped in favor of a cheeky smirk. “You sure are quick to jump to his defense. You got something you wanna tell us eh boss?”   
  
The resounding whack of Xev’s hand connecting with the back of Xavier’s head was enough to catch the attention of just about everyone on board. Xev stalked away without a word.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
Once the ship docked in Vancouver, Moira immediately sent Xev and Siebren out on their own to the new facility to ensure that things had been set up to her specifications. The facility was located around 50 miles away from the main headquarters and sat on a mountain side overlooking a small lake. Xev almost couldn’t believe it when he saw it- a picturesque building hidden in a small valley of mountains.   
  
The inside was immaculate and strikingly modern: black furniture with white and steel accents throughout the small living and kitchen area which took up most of the ground floor. There was a narrow staircase that led both down stairs and upstairs. If he had to guess, downstairs was the lab and downstairs he would find their quarters.   
  
“Fancy, ain’t it?” Xev commented as he looked towards the ceiling length windows by the dining area. The lake wasn’t huge by Canadian standards, but it was large enough that it seemed to be a pit in the valley they were in. “I think you can see the whole lake from here.”   
  
Siebren’s head swivelled in the direction of the windows and he slowly approached them. “Your theory is correct. It’s quite beautiful.”   
  
“I’ll have to go swimming while we’re here. I used to go all the time before I started working for Talon you know.”   
  
“Oh? It is a good form of exercise.”   
  
Xev nodded. His mother would have to pry him away while he screamed and thrashed from bathtubs and swimming pools because he absolutely refused to get out of water once he stepped in. It could have been worse- tantrums were better than not knowing how to swim. “Not only that but it just feels nice. We can also do some testing down there if you ever feel up to it.”   
  
Siebren hummed in approval. While he wasn’t keen on swimming, it would be an interesting experiment to see how his gravitic powers affected the water. Stepping away from the windows now, he set his sights on the staircase. “That sounds wonderful. I haven’t had the chance to test my powers on anything that wasn’t mechanical. It should make for an interesting experiment.”   
  
Xev noted Siebren’s enthusiasm and smiled softly to himself. Seeing him genuinely excited about something was a nice change of pace from his usual stoic attitude. It was endearing, if not a little cute. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Siebren move from the tall windows over to the stairwell- all while his head turned this way and that to get a better look at the room. “You can head down and check out the lab and I’ll check out the upstairs. Sound good?”   
  
Siebren nodded and smiled. “Excellent. You should join me once you’ve finished. You might learn a thing or two.”   
  
“I think you have way too much faith in my intelligence, but sure. Don’t have too much fun down there.”   
  
“I make no promises.”   
  
  


* * *

  
  
The upstairs consisted of a dark grey hallway with 4 adjacent doors. The first one Xev opened was a large bathroom with pristine white tile on the floors and granite counter tops. If anything screamed expensive, it was that alone, but upon further inspection there was a standing shower and a full sized bathtub towards the back.   
  
“Too rich for my blood,” Xev huffed under his breath as he sat his bag down and began to search the room. Part of his initial training had taught him how to look for tampered items in rooms. Given how often they traveled for missions it was important to know that they weren’t being followed or listened in on- neither of which would be good for the organization’s image, or their own well being for that matter.   
  
First, he checked the vents above the toilet and the bathtub and found nothing out of the ordinary. Then he ran his hand under every surface he could get to in order to look for hidden wires or cameras. Again, he found nothing out of the ordinary. Satisfied with his search, Xev grabbed his bag and moved on to the next room.   
  
This time he found a bedroom with the same dark grey walls as the hallway. A full sized bed sat against the wall with two darkwood bedside tables on either side of the head of it. It was bigger than his room he had at headquarters for sure, but he wouldn’t exactly call it large- big enough to hold the bed, a full sized chest and a small walk in closet towards the back right. The curtains were drawn on the rectangular windows, but they were considerably smaller to what he had seen in the living area.   
  
Xev sat his bag down on the bed and ran his hand across the black cotton comforter and downturned white sheets. The bed was plush; much softer than his old mattress and with nicer sheets and blankets. He had half a mind to just curl up in it right then and there, but his better judgement led him to search the room just as he did the bathroom. Vents, check. Drawers, check. Lights, check. No cameras, microphones, or wires.   
  
The other bedroom appeared identical, save that the bed was on the opposite wall like a mirror image of the last. Xev’s searches turned up empty once again and with his checks completed he felt like he could breathe a little easier knowing that their rooms were secure. That, and it would be hard to explain how wiretaps got into a facility Talon had only recently purchased and renovated. Too much paperwork, not enough reward.

Since they were practically identical, and Xev wasn’t particularly picky, he resolved that he would take the room closest to the bathroom and this one could be Siebren’s. He’d still ask of course to be polite, but he couldn’t see that it would cause an issue. 

Satisfied, he moved on to the final room. It was smaller than any of the other rooms- perhaps a former equipment closet that had been renovated to a small office. A desk of the same dark wood of the bedside tables sat directly across from the door with a computer sitting at it; Talon’s bright red logo emblazoned upon the welcome screen. 

The bookshelves on either side were currently empty, but wouldn’t be for long if Siebren and Moira had anything to do with it. If Xev had to guess, this room was not only sound proof but was heavily guarded against any kind of hacking- just as their rooms were at headquarters. It was Sombra’s idea to add double protection to all of their equipment and servers, seeing as how when she joined it was very easy for her to arrange a meeting because she knew their schedules almost by heart.

He still searched the room anyway. Better safe than sorry as his dad would have told him. With everything checked and turned over, Xev went back downstairs to check on Siebren. The lab ran the full expanse of the basement of the facility: stark white walls stretched from one end of the room to the other, each one lined with equipment and instruments that Xev couldn’t even begin to name. It almost reminded him of a hospital, but without the overwhelming smell that came with sterilization and the sense of foreboding.   
  
Siebren stood near a large machine that had various arms and gadgets attached to it, it had the look of an assembly line robot. Just as Xev approached the older man, he turned quickly on his heel and ended up bumping into Xev. It startled them both. “Oh, there you are! You have to see this, this facility is simply astounding!”   
  
There was the remarkable enthusiasm again that made Xev smile. He allowed himself to be pulled to different parts of the lab as a delighted Siebren explained the various instruments and equipment to him. “This allows me to have a secure control in a xero gravity situation, and this beside of it will monitor the levels and measure it out in percentages that can be recorded. Oh! And this is a spectrograph. It allows me to observe the wavelengths of lights and determine how close and vibrant they are.”   
  
He continued rambling on about this instrument and that while Xev quietly nodded along- pretending like he had a clue as to what he was talking about. After about 30 minutes, and one full walk around, Siebren stopped in the middle of speaking and turned to him with an apologetic look on his face. “M-my apologies, I tend to get a little excited about these things.”   
  
Xev shook his head and smiled at him. Siebren was such a nerd it was almost painful, but who was he to fault someone for enjoying something so passionately? “Hey, it’s good to see you excited about something. I might not understand everything, but who better to learn from than an expert, right?”   
  
Siebren smiled widely, instant relief washing over him as his enthusiasm returned. It had been so long since he had been able to enjoy a laboratory setting that it was like discovering something new all over again. He was glad that Xev seemed to be more understanding than most. “You are absolutely correct. But please, stop me if I over explain. I’d be more than happy to simplify things if you genuinely would like to learn.”   
  
“I appreciate it, Siebren,” Xev responded politely, the smile widening across his face as he leaned against one of the counters. “You’re gonna do good work here. I can feel it.”   
  
Hearing that sent a warmth from Siebren’s heart to the rest of his body. He couldn’t help the tinting of his cheeks at the flattery, nor could he stop the smile on his face from widening. To say he was excited was an understatement- Siebren hadn’t felt this good in years and he had Talon to thank for it. “So, how was it upstairs? Comfortable I hope.”   
  
“Just as fancy as the living area. There’s two bedrooms and a bathroom, plus a small office that I guess we’re supposed to use when communicating with anyone. From what I can tell, everything seems to be in its place.,” Xev answered as he looked aimlessly around the room. “Got everything you need down here?”   
  
Siebren hummed, satisfied. “Yes, this will do nicely. I can’t imagine anything that would make it better, in fact.”   
  
“Well if that changes, let me know. We’ll work something out with Maximilien so you can get your work done,” Xev retorted as he continued to survey the rest of the room. He didn’t want to make it obvious that he was looking for bugs, but if they would be anywhere, they would be right down here where all the information came from. He would have to make a more thorough search of the lab later. “I set my bag in the room closest to the stairs and bathroom. They look exactly the same so I didn’t figure you’d mind if I just claimed one.”   
  
“Not at all. I appreciate you asking, however.”   
  
“Well let me ask you something else then. Are you hungry? Because I’m starving.” Putting a hand to his stomach as if to emphasize his point, Xev instantly felt his stomach rumble at the thought. He hadn't had much luck keeping things down since his surgery, but now it felt like his appetite was kicking into overdrive.   
  
Siebren came to the same realization Xev had and put a large hand to his stomach. “I hadn’t thought about it until now. We didn’t get much of a chance to eat before we left, did we?”   
  
“Nope,” Xev acknowledged. “Can you cook or do you want me to? I’m sure they left us at least a little bit of food in the fridge upstairs.”   
  
“I don’t mind cooking. What did you have in mind?”   
  
“Well I’d have to see what’s up there first, but something simple. A meat, pasta, and some vegetables. You allergic to anything or have a preference of any kind?”   
  
Siebren had to pause for a moment to think about it. He knew that he wasn’t allergic to anything but as far as a preference went, he wasn’t entirely sure. Ever since he started having his episodes it became harder for him to remember things- even something as simple as what he preferred to eat. “Not that I can recall. As long as it isn’t hazardous.”   
  
Xev cocked his head to the side playfully and raised a dark brow at the older man. “Oh, so you don’t trust me?   
  
“I didn’t say that-”   
  
Xev chuckled. Siebren might be smarter than him, but he clearly didn’t know how to take a joke. “I’m only kidding. Feel free to stay down here and have fun. I’ll head upstairs and make us something to eat before we head to bed. Sound good?”   
  
This time, Siebren just nodded.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
There wasn’t much in the fridge that could be turned into a meal, but Xev would manage with what they had. The fresh cod was a little strange to find among everything. He couldn’t remember the last time he had fish to eat that wasn’t heavily processed. Maybe it was normal for people to eat it around Vancouver- it was near the ocean after all. 

He found flour in the cabinet along with a few bags of rice and in the freezer was a bag of fresh broccoli. It would have to be a simple dinner, but a simple dinner was better than no dinner. Setting a couple pots up for the rice and broccoli, Xev set up his space to work quickly. Thankfully the kitchen at least had enough pots and pans for them to make food in- it was funny imagining someone having to go out and buy all of this stuff and never knowing why.   
  
Just as everything was about to be done, Xev conducted a similar search of the room that he had done earlier. Thankfully, the kitchen was also devoid of any tamperings, much to his relief. The smell of the cooked food must have reached Siebren’s nose as he made his way up the stairs and into the kitchen. He towered over Xev’s shoulder and peered curiously at the soon to be meal. “That smells heavenly. What is it?”   
  
“Just fried cod. Wasn’t sure how to bake it so I thought this would be easier,” Xev explained as he turned over the two fillets to cook the other side. “I added some garlic powder and paprika in the mix just to give it a bit more flavor, but not a lot.”   
  
He then pointed to the now steaming rice pot. “That’s jasmine rice and that’s broccoli. It’s not much but it’s enough for tonight.”

Siebren nodded. “I’ll get some plates for us. Do you happen to know where they are?”   
  
“Second cabinet from the right,” Xev said as he pointed to the cabinet in question and watched as Siebren pulled two pristine white ceramic plates from one of the shelves. He sat them carefully down on the table by the windows and brought the rice pot over to divide the rice evenly between the two plates, then did the same with the broccoli. By the time he finished putting those on the plates, Xev came around with the golden brown cod fillets.   
  
“And just so you know, I did check the temperature. They’re done,” Xev teased as he plopped the fish on top of the rice on their plates. “Since you don’t seem to think I can cook, figured you should know.”   
  
“That’s not what I was implying, Xev. I’ve seen how some Americans eat and quite frankly it’s astounding you all manage to survive with all the sodium you consume.”   
  
“Well good thing we aren’t in America then right? We’re in Canada, so things are different.” He wasn’t entirely sure that that was true, but Xev didn’t know how else to respond to a comment like that.. Sure, European food was different but was it that different from American food? Probably.   
  
Siebren took his seat across from Xev and waited patiently for him to bring back the forks and spoons. “Besides, since I was so kind enough to cook, you get to do the dishes.”   
  
Ignoring the obvious bait, Siebren took his fork in hand and cut into the fillet bringing it to his mouth.The breading around the edge was flaky and practically melted on his tongue, leaving the flavor of the garlic powder and paprika to settle along his taste buds. He would have never guessed that Xev could cook as well as he did, not with all the traveling he did for his job, but he was pleasantly surprised at the revelation.   
  
“Everything alright?”   
  
“It’s… delicious, actually. I wasn’t expecting it to be so flaky,” Siebren responded as he finally swallowed. “It almost reminds me of home.”   
  
Xev took a bite of his own and agreed with the sentiment. “Do they eat a lot of fish in the Netherlands or was that just more of a family thing for you?”

Fish wasn’t something the Netherlands was particularly known for, but raw herrings were especially popular all throughout the country. Siebren remembered eating them often when he was younger. They were practical and filling, packed with rich nutrients and fat. His mother used to make them with salt and onions- a favorite between him and his father. “I wouldn’t say we eat it more than any other country, but Amsterdam is a port city, so fish is not uncommon.”

“See, I grew up in Atlanta and fish was usually pretty expensive. I grew up eating chicken for the most part because it was the cheapest meat on the market, and it was about the only thing my mom could cook without burning the house down.”   
  
Xev remembered very vividly the one and only time his mother tried to make a pot roast and nearly set their kitchen ablaze by forgetting to turn the slow cooker down after the first hour. How the grease managed to catch light so quickly was beyond him, but the insurance money they gained from the little accident set them up for awhile- it wasn’t completely awful, but still traumatising.   
  
“Ah, she sounds lovely,” Siebren quipped, now taking bites of his rice and broccoli and savoring the taste. “My mother was a fantastic cook. She’d hardly let any of us touch a thing in the kitchen, including my father.”   
  
“Oh so she was one of those types huh? My mom was too stubborn to be the typical “housewife”. She’d rather be outside digging a hole to China than be made to cook and clean.”   
  
Xev’s mom was probably to blame for a lot of his preferences and tendencies, in that she was an excellent role model if you wanted to know how to make most men uncomfortable. She was strong, both physically and mentally, and she didn’t take shit from anyone. His dad always used to say that he fell in love with her because she made him shape up when they were younger. To hear her tell it, his dad was a burnout until he met her. The rest was history.   
  
Siebren nodded along between scoops of his food. “I see where you get that from then. You like people to think you’re strong and intimidating, but I think you’re softer than you let on.”   
  
Narrowing his eyes at the older man, Xev raised a brow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”   
  
“Nothing really. From what I’ve observed from your behavior, you seem to put on a very… how do Americans say.. “Macho” persona,” Siebren leveled his fork with Xev’s gaze. “But underneath that, you are a deeply empathetic person. You don’t just sympathize with people, you feel their struggles. Am I wrong in my assumption?”

Xev’s pause was more than enough confirmation that his theory was correct. In all the time they had spent together, Siebren had taken note of a number of things about the younger man. The way he carried himself around him was different than the way he carried himself around Moira or Reaper- he was more open and relaxed as opposed to tense and on edge. He spoke softly but with a rough undertone to his voice that was a symptom of his smoking habits. Xev also didn’t make a lot of eye contact when he was nervous- but he never seemed to be nervous around Siebren.

There was a chance that he could be wrong, but there were only a handful of times where Siebren had been wrong- especially when it came to other people. Even now it was obvious he was right. “It’s all an illusion, isn’t it?”  


It was strange being psychoanalyzed by someone with a fractured psyche. What was even more strange was just how much Siebren had paid attention to know these things. Was he really that obvious, or was Siebren really just that perceptive? “... No, you’re right.”   
  
“I guess part of it is that it’s my job to be intimidating. No one will listen to you if they think yer a pushover. And I’ve had a lot of recruits try to test me,” Xev explained, covering his mouth with his hand as he chewed in an attempt to be polite. “They all failed of course. You kick their asses hard enough and the humiliation really puts them in their lane.”

Xev’s explanation was reasonable enough, though Siebren wasn’t entirely sure he was being completely honest. It was normal for people to try to appear intimidating to ward off anyone who could potentially hurt them. He’d been guilty of putting up a facade a number of times, especially when working at the Hague. Sponsors were quick to flee if you seemed cold and distant, so it became a game of adaptability when he would have to convince them that his research was something worth investing in. “Fear is an excellent tactic to corral the masses, in my personal opinion. However some use it to their advantage more than they should. For instance, take our colleague Reaper for example.”   
  
“Oh trust me, you don’t know the half of it with him,” Xev responded immediately. “But he’s not all talk. I’ve seen him do some fucked up shit before just because he was mad. It’s not pretty. No one wants to be on his bad side, which is why a lot of people are glad he works solo for the most part.”

Not only had he witnessed some of the cruel things Reaper had done, but Xev had also been the subject of much of it. His training in particular brought back vivid nightmares that would come to haunt two or three nights a week. He’d wake up cold from the sweat, breathing heavily and more exhausted than he had been before he fell asleep.   
  
In an attempt to break his spirit, Xev would be forced to spar with Reaper for hours on end- and he wouldn’t stop until Xev was knocked out most of the time. The blood would be pouring out of his nose and mouth, eyes bloodshot and body bruised so badly you would think he tried to wrestle a bear. Defending himself was almost as pointless as trying to attack the masked man. Every one of his attacks would just phase right through him or never seemed to hurt him. To this day, the smell of his own blood brought back graphic memories that he tried desperately to shove to the back of his mind. It never worked.  
  
It was only thanks to Moira’s recommendation that Reaper stopped just after 4 months, but the lasting damage it caused, both physical and mental, was still fresh on Xev’s mind. She argued that it did no good to kill a new recruit so quickly when they didn’t stand a chance against someone- something like Reaper.   
  
She called him an idiot and reckless for even agreeing to be trained by someone like Reaper- but Xev never backed down and he never caved. His resilience did not go unrewarded either, but at what cost?   
  
Siebren remained stoic throughout the explanation, face twisting with remorse for having even brought the topic up. He knew that Reaper was not a merciful man by any stretch of the imagination, but he couldn’t begin to imagine the horrors that Xev must have witnessed on the battlefield over the years. Perhaps that was something they had in common- trauma. “I can certainly understand that. However, even when we’ve spoken one on one, he seemed to be a reasonable man. Or…”   
  
Xev shook his head. “Don’t go there. There’s no word that explains what he is so just leave it at that. But I’m glad he’s at least civil with you. Count it as a blessing.”   
  
They were quiet for a moment, both of their plates empty at this point. The sun had already set behind the crests of the mountains, which signaled that it was time for bed. Siebren had decided it was best to let the conversation die there, lest he open old wounds. It was hard to believe that someone like Xev had ended up in an occupation like this. He wondered what had to happen to push someone so kind and intelligent to such violence.   
  
Siebren knew of course from previous conversations that Xev had experienced some level of violence growing up, but wouldn’t that push someone away from being a soldier? A mercenary no less? He rested his head in his hands and stared blankly at his empty plate. Xev was so complex, yet so vulnerable- he couldn’t wrap his head fully around his logic, but he supposed he should just be thankful to have him as an ally and not an enemy.   
  
Xev pushed himself up from his chair and collected their plates in one hand to take to the sink. “Anyway, it’s getting late, and I dunno about you, but I’m tired.”   
  
Siebren, having been lost in his thoughts for quite some time, refocused when Xev’s hand came into view. He looked up just as Xev turned his back and made his way over to the sink with their plates. His shoulders were slumped and he yawned loudly, swearing under his breath as he rolled his shoulders. He was tired- that much he was certain of, but he couldn’t help but feel that the younger man appeared to be sad as well. And he was to blame for it.“O-oh, right. That would probably be best for both of us.”   
  
“I feel there’s supposed to be a but at the end of that sentence.”   
  
“Well… I was hoping to get started on my research,” Siebren stammered, as if what he was saying was going to damn him to the deepest pits of hell. Though he hadn’t been able to work properly in over seven years, there was still an unbearable urge that pushed Siebren to want to work himself day in and day out; dedicating himself just as he had before to his research. “But that was before I realized how late it was. I think resting now would be more beneficial for me in the long run.”   
  
Depositing the dishes in the sink, Xev rinsed their plates to make them easier to clean. He then cleared one side of the sink and began to fill the sink with hot water and suds. “Do whatever you want, you won’t bother me if you decide to stay downstairs all night. Just don’t forget our little arrangement.”   
  
Siebren blinked, confused. “What arrangement?”   
  
“You’re doing dishes tonight.”

“Right… of course.”   
  
“Thanks. I’ll see you in the morning, old man.”   
  
“Good night, Xev.”   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as it turns out, I don't know how to read. I thought I was scheduled to work today but I misread the text- so I'm good for now. Which meant I had more than enough time to sit and edit the next chapter with the help of my lovely friend and beta reader, Robz.
> 
> This chapter fought with me hard. It was very choppy and there wasn't enough description going on. I had to take out entire portions of some sequences and rewrite them just to make things flow a lot better and now I'm pretty happy with the turn out. But now I can focus on planning more chapters and take what I learned from all of this editing and not have to sit at my computer for 12+ hours to write and edit.
> 
> Let me know what you guys think! I love comments and kudos :) Also check out my twitters for updates on the fic and art!
> 
> Art twt: @hangedwires  
> Personal twt: @shinsgay


	12. New Discoveries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Je weet nooit hoe een koe een haas vangt.
> 
> ; You never know how things will turn out

Morning came quicker than Xev had expected. His alarm blared on his bedside table and it took everything in him to unfurl himself from the warm blankets to stretch over and turn it off. He sat up and arched his back as he stretched and yawned. Nine felt late considering he normally got up around six every morning, but the circumstances for this job were different. It wasn’t a vacation, but to him it might as well be one.   
  
He made his bed quickly and hopped into the shower, taking an extra few minutes to enjoy the warmth of the water on his body. There was no sign of Siebren when he got out which meant one of two things: either the man was still asleep peacefully in his bed or he was burning the candle at both ends in the lab. Xev was willing to bet it was the latter.   
  
His hunch proved to be correct as he spotted the older man carefully examining something through one of the microscopes on the counter. It was funny to see him have to bend nearly in half to be able to reach the eyepieces, but what was even more interesting was the addition of a pair of rectangular glasses perched on the bridge of his nose.   
  
“I didn’t know you wore glasses,” Xev said as he approached the man, watching him flinch at the intrusion. Siebren straightened up and stared at Xev, bewildered for a moment until he realized that it was only his companion. He smiled warmly, pale blue eyes bright and shining brightly.   
  
“Ah,  _ goedmorgen! _ I didn’t hear you come down. And yes, I do. But only for reading purposes.” The addition of the Dutch was new to Xev, the tone of Sigma’s voice richer when he spoke his native tongue.   
  
“Gotcha. You been down here all night or did you manage to get some sleep?”   
  
“I did manage to get some sleep, however brief. I felt rested enough to work by six so I took it upon myself to get to work.”   
  
Xev nodded, not entirely sure he believed that Siebren had gone to sleep but not wanting to nag at him any more than he had to. At least he didn’t have to get up at the crack of dawn and force Siebren to run laps around the facility like he once had to do with Xavier and Gabriel back at base. “Hey, if you’re feeling up to it, I’m not going to stop you. This is your domain, I’m just here to help and supervise.”   
  
Peering over to the microscope to seem interested in whatever it was Siebren was investigating, Xev tilted his head. “Whatcha lookin’ at? Microscope right?”   
  
“Correct! I was curious to see something within the structure of my hyperspheres. The material is sturdy, of course, but the exposure to the black hole in the middle could cause damage over time. Or so, I thought,” Siebren explained as he moved over to allow Xev to look through the eyepieces. “I really owe it to Doctor O’Deorain. The makeup of this material is truly astounding.”   
  
Xev peered into the microscope and adjusted the focus to see the dark material in full. Like Siebren had explained, there was no visible corrosion or damage to the material. He wasn’t entirely sure what the ball in the middle was capable of doing outside of what he had seen on the field, but if it functioned like a real black hole, it was possible it could destroy the containment structure. It was a good thing Siebren thought of these things, because Xev sure as hell wouldn’t have.   
  
“Wow, that’s interesting. With how much impact these things sustain, it’s good to know it’ll hold up.”   
  
“Exactly! Of course, I’ll want to conduct a few tests to ensure that my theory is correct but only time will tell,” Siebren commented enthusiastically. “But enough of that, how did you sleep?”   
  
Xev stepped away from the microscope and rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. “Well, I slept so good I didn’t want to get out of bed if that tells you anything.”   
  
They both laughed. “I see. If only there wasn’t work to be done, I would say you could go back to bed but…”   
  
“Nah, I’ll be fine once I get some coffee. Do you want to head upstairs and make some?” Xev thumbed in the direction of the stairwell. Coffee and breakfast sounded good right about now. “You could probably use a break yourself.”   
  
Siebren nodded, taking his glasses off and folding them to rest on the counter next to the microscope. “I’d love some coffee. Come, I’ll do the honors this time.”   
  
“You did do the dishes, right?”   
  
“I… may have forgotten about them. My apologies.”   
  
Shaking his head, Xev led the way up the stairs. He couldn’t be too mad about it; after all, this was the first time in how many years that Siebren had been able to work to his own specifications? It was natural for him to be excited to get back to work. This was important to him.   
  
Breakfast consisted of cheese omelettes that Siebren nearly burnt to a crisp because they got so carried away with their conversation. His head turned when he smelled the eggs burning. Xev didn’t mean to laugh at him- but seeing someone as serious as Siebren have their eyes go wide and nearly scream was hysterical.

A blush dusted Siebren’s sharp cheekbones, hurriedly averting his eyes in embarrassment.    
  
“Siebren, it’s okay. Really. I’ll eat ‘em even if they are burnt,” Xev offered sympathetically as he carefully scooped the omelette up from the skillet to check the underside. It was a little browner than it should have been, but it wasn’t burnt. “See? They’re just a little well done.”   
  
“I apologize, I get distracted so easily. Please, allow me to remake them I-” By the time Siebren managed to get half of his sentence out, Xev had already deposited the omelette onto his plate with a smile and a wag of his finger.   
  
“I said it was fine. Just make yours and I’ll leave you be so you can pay attention this time.” 

But Siebren didn’t want Xev to “leave him alone”. Their conversations, no matter how trivial or brief, never failed to set his mind at ease. Ever since his accident- his failure- he’d been cursed with the echoes of strange voices in his mind as well as vaguely familiar melodies. The voices would scream and torment him sometimes, or drive him insane with all their mumbled babbling. When he spoke with Xev, it was as if even they were listening to the conversation and finding peace in it. It was soothing.   
  
Sometimes he wished he could just say how he felt, just to lighten the weight on his mind just that much more. But in truth, Siebren didn’t know exactly how he felt about Xev. He liked him; his personality, the sound of his voice, the way his accent would come through in a drawl that became more charming the more he heard it. Was this love? Or had he simply been without companionship for so long that he craved the attention on a subconscious level?   
  
Xev waved a hand in front of Siebren’s face. He’d been staring at Xev for a decent amount of time but hadn’t said a word. “Hey? You check out or somethin’?”   
  
Siebren blinked and looked from Xev to the now empty skillet. “Ah, sorry. Distracted again. Please, go eat. I’ll join you shortly.”   
  
“Alrighty then. Had me scared there for a second,” Xev responded, already on his way to the table. The coffees, still steaming in their mugs, sat across from each other in wait. “Don’t scare me like that, I might not be as old as you, but I could have heart problems still.”   
  
Pulling himself back together, Siebren brought his hand over to the bowl and eggs to begin making his own meal. “If you would stop that nasty smoking habit of yours you might not.”   
  
Xev shot him a pointed glare, forking a piece of his food into his mouth. “I’d be in a bad mood every day if I didn’t smoke. And trust me, ya don’t want that.”   
  
Come to think of it, Siebren hadn’t seen Xev in any mood other than carefree and happy- save the moment of anger on their mission to Arizona. Seeing the way Xev’s whole demeanor changed the moment he had that woman cornered was like seeing the reverse side of a coin. He was ruthless, cruel even. It didn’t scare Siebren, per se, but it had caught him off guard. He hadn’t mentioned anything about it out of concern of overstepping unspoken boundaries- but it was on the back of his mind consistently.   
  
“I’m sure you would manage. Your body would thank you for it,” Siebren retorted as he brought his food over to the table. His coffee had cooled considerably, but it was strong enough still that the lack of heat didn’t matter. “Anyway, what’s on the agenda for today?”   
  
If it had been anyone else, Xev would have told them to mind their business and keep their nose out of his shit, but he couldn’t be that way with Siebren. In his defense, he did have a point: even Moira had made comments to him about quitting smoking. But Xev was stubborn and all too dependent on the little cancer sticks. It started as something he did occasionally, particularly to keep his mind at ease on his walks home from work in the dead of night. That somehow turned into a need for one every time he sat idly. When that change happened, he couldn’t be sure, but Xev hadn’t been able to put the things down since.   
  
“Well I had some ideas, but this is a collaborative effort, so I need to run ‘em by you first and see what yer up for,” Xev answered as he rested his elbows on the table. “We still need to fine tune your kit. I know you and Moira ran a lot of limit tests, but it wouldn’t hurt to try and push past those limits. That way we know when you need a break or help.”   
  
Siebren took a bite from his plate, chewing languidly and savoring the flavor. “I agree. Though our experiments were fruitful, I can’t help but feel that my capabilities haven’t reached their full potential yet.”   
  
“Right. And that don’t mean I’m gonna run you into the ground like I was when I trained, but it’ll be hard, I won’t lie.”   
  
“Nothing in life worth having was ever easy to obtain. I believe I’m ready for the challenge.”   
  
Xev sure hoped he was- with his luck, he would be in the middle of a fight and something would go wrong with Siebren’s equipment. God forbid his barriers ever fail, or his weapon breaks. “I bet you are if the way you approach your science-y stuff is anything to go off of.”   
  
“There you go making up words that don’t exist again.”   
  
“Hey,” Xev raised his voice defensively and pointed his fork at Siebren. “I just gave you a compliment. Just take the compliment.”   
  
If anything, Xev was envious of Siebren’s passion for science- which is why he made it a point to push Siebren’s buttons about it. He used to have passion like that, but just as his younger self died all those years ago, so did his dreams. When he was younger, Xev had a knack for music and performing- a carry over from his father’s love of playing guitar and his insistence that his “daughter” carry on the legacy. So he taught Xev everything he knew and they’d perform for the rest of the family during holidays, or at small coffee shops.    
  
He would practice every day; learning how to read sheet music, stringing chords into melodies that ranged from hard and distorted to soft and somber. But it never felt the same after his father died in the Omnic Crisis. Every time he picked up a guitar now, he was painfully reminded of his proud father’s face whenever he would learn a new song- how his family always looked forward to visits to see what new things he could play.   
  
Xev hadn’t played in years, and had no intention of ever playing again, but that didn’t mean he didn’t miss the part of him that enjoyed it. Those were simpler times. Now he had a war to fight, debts to pay, and nothing holding him back.

“I think you’re going to be just fine. You’ve yet to give me a reason not to trust ya, and I’ve seen how you work. Yer no slacker.”

“I promise not to disappoint. My life’s work depends on this,” Siebren spoke softly, as if chastising himself for some reason unknown to Xev. “I won’t fail again.”   
  
The tone of his voice took Xev off guard. He recognized that sound all too well. It didn’t take a genius to see that Siebren held himself to outrageously high standards and therefore was hard on himself. Whether it was because of his accident or not, Xev could tell from the moment he first spoke to the man that he placed his value far too much on his work. But it wasn’t his place to throw stones in his glass house.   
  
Finishing off his omelette and the last of his coffee, Xev stood from his chair and placed a hand on Siebren’s shoulder as he moved around the corner. “Listen, I know it’s easier said than done, but ya gotta let go of those mistakes sometime. Nothing’s going to change what you did or didn’t do in the past, That’s why we learn things right? So we can be better next time?”

Siebren’s brows knit at first in frustration, but his face softened once he thought about what Xev had said. He knew his expectations for himself were impossible to reach, but if he didn’t hold himself to them then how did he ever expect to become better than he was? How was he supposed to make new discoveries if he didn’t push the limits of his expectations? This was all new research; no one could tell him what to do or how to do it- he would have to figure it out on his own.   
  
However, there was no fixing the past, as Xev had so bluntly put it. That day on Horizon Lunar Colony was simultaneously the most important and the worst day of his life. The trauma from the exposure to the black hole had broken him both inside and out, leaving him unable to pick up the pieces- but it also provided a wealth of opportunity. These powers were unlike anything anyone had ever seen, and the understanding he gained of the universe was priceless. Perhaps he should be more thankful for the unfortunate events that occurred.   
  
“... I suppose you’re right.”   
  
“No, I know I’m right. Now come on, we’ve got a lot of work to do and I’d rather not start late.”  
  
  


* * *

The drills, or experiments as Siebren called them, were long. Xev insisted that they limber up before doing anything, which meant twenty minutes of sitting and stretching on the ground. Siebren didn’t complain verbally, but it was clear that there were ways his body hadn’t moved in years. Xev, on the other hand, bent like a pretzel- bending over and gripping the edges of his toes like it was nothing or bending backwards into a bridge without breaking a sweat.   
  
Despite his shortcomings, Siebren tried his best to keep up. When they finished, Xev walked over to the activation terminal to prepare the training robots. “Not too bad. Feel better now that you dusted some of the rust off?”   
  
“I suppose you could say that,” Siebren said as he wiped the sweat from his brow. His back screamed at him as he tried to straighten himself out and it didn’t stop even when he did. He wasn’t exactly in the worst shape to be doing these things, but through age and confinement, Siebren must have developed a resistance to such things. “I don’t understand how you are able to bend like that. It’s almost inhuman.”   
  
“Not inhuman, just very flexible. Have to be when I move around so much,” Xev responded as he watched the first two robots exit the opening on the wall and take their place in the middle of the practice space. He then activated the barrier field around the edge. “I learned a thing or two from Widowmaker as well. She used to be a ballet dancer and there’s stuff she can do that I can’t.”   
  
Siebren had only spoken twice to Widomaker- or Amelie as he learned from Moira. She wasn’t the friendliest of the members, but she wasn’t rude. They shared a conversation about their respective countries once and Siebren learned more about the country of France than he had ever intended to. But the fact that she used to be a ballet dancer was an interesting anecdote.   
  
“I would have never guessed, but I suppose that explains how graceful she looks.”   
  
“Mhmm. She still uses those stretches before missions too, so don’t be surprised if you happen to see her doing them on the dropship.”

A small door opened in the barrier, allowing them access to the training area before closing behind them. Xev adjusted the fingerless gloves on his hand and pulled his hair back fully before taking the pistol from his hip. “Alright, let’s start with something simple. Your barrier- how long does it take for you to conjure it and move it to its maximum range?”   
  
Siebren held out his hand in front of him and flexed his fingers. The barrier formed quickly and immediately moved forward till it hit the wall behind the robots. With its movement prohibited, Siebren called it back by closing the same hand- the four corners collapsing and forming a singular bead that instantly zipped back to his hand.    
  
“Not bad. I was expecting it to be a little slower but this is good,” Xev commented with his arms crossed against his chest. “But it could be faster. I think it’d be good to practice general placements as well, in the event you have to cover different ground than you had been holding.”   
  
Xev’s perceptiveness on the subject was impressive, though Siebren supposed that was why he was the Strike Commander. It wouldn’t be hard to increase the barrier’s initial velocity, but it would make the timing of his barriers that much more crucial, lest he put it too far forward or not far enough. Fine tuning that would take time, but the benefits it would allow them to reap would be priceless. “I agree. It will eventually come down to muscle memory with the more tests we run.”   
  
“Exactly. That’s the beauty of your kit honestly. It’s versatile for both offensive and defensive situations, but I think the best scenario for you is creating space for the rest of us.”   
  
Xev walked to the other side of the room and stood just before the robots. He held up his pistol. “Now listen, these are live rounds I’m gonna to be shooting at you. I’ll give you a signal at first when to call your barrier, but eventually you need to be able to read my movements and know when to place it on your own.”   
  
While a part of Siebren wanted to argue that the use of live rounds wasn’t necessary, the other half of him knew that they absolutely were. These experiments needed to be conducted as close to a real mission scenario as they could get if they wanted to determine the potential of these tools. That came with risks, but Siebren trusted Xev enough to quell the uneasiness in the pit of his stomach.   
  
“I won’t purposefully hurt you, alright? If something hits you, I’ll stop immediately and we’ll get you patched up. If you need to stop, for whatever reason, just tell me. This is just a test,” Xev expressed as calmly as he could. He didn’t like the idea of potentially hurting Siebren, but if they did everything right, he wouldn’t have to worry too much.   
  
Siebren nodded and extended his arm as he did before, signaling that he was ready. Xev got into his stance and readied himself, barrel of the gun pointing directly at Siebren. “Alright…. Now!”   
  
He fired three rounds in rapid succession, watching with his breath held as the barrier moved to halt the pulse rounds. They left no trace, aside from a ripple of energy where they struck. Siebren called the barrier back, looking surprised that it had withstood the first test. “What a curious feeling…”   
  
“You felt something? I didn’t accidentally hit you did I?” Xev asked, his worry evident in his features. He was ready to walk over to Siebren when he got a response.   
  
“No… You didn’t. But I felt something just as the bullets hit the shield,” he flexed his fingers slowly, unfurling them and looking them over curiously. “I would like to test something, but you will have to trust me on this.”   
  
Xev blinked. “Uh… okay. What did ya have in mind?”   
  
“We’ll proceed as we just did,” Siebren responded calmly as he recalled his shield. “I have a theory about a new ability that I discussed with Moira, but we weren’t able to perfect it before we moved. I think now is an excellent opportunity to put it into practice.”   
  
Still clueless as to what Siebren had in mind, Xev simply shrugged and readied himself once again. He hoped the older man knew what he was talking about, otherwise this wouldn’t be pretty. “You ready?”   
  
Siebren nodded and extended his arm once more. Another quick 3 rounds erupted from the barrel of Xev’s pistol- but this time Siebren didn’t deploy his barrier. Xev opened his mouth to scream: “Siebren! What the fuck are you doing?!” Something caught his eye just as the bullets were about to make impact: A swirling vortex appeared from the center of his glove, a similar looking black ball to those seen in his hyperspheres growing exponentially as it absorbed the bullets. It didn’t last long, approximately 2 seconds at best, but when he closed his fist on it, Siebren looked just as shocked as Xev.   
  
“What was that? Why didn’t you tell me you could do that? I thought I just plugged you full of holes Siebren!” Xev reacted angrily, brows knit and lips practically pouting. In the few seconds it took for him to fire his rounds and watch them be absorbed like they were nothing, his heart had jumped to life and fell to his stomach. Genuine fear washed over him like a bucket of ice water- sending chills down his spine even after it was over.   
  
Siebren sighed in relief. “I apologize for not warning you, but I wasn’t entirely sure this would work-”   
  
“You weren’t sure? Oh that makes me feel better,” Xev huffed, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. Siebren’s face fell a little as he looked at Xev. He hadn’t meant to worry the younger man so much, but he supposed that was the consequence for not communicating effectively. Still, why did Xev care so much? If he had been hit, it likely wouldn’t have been lethal. Sure it would have hurt, but it could have been managed.   
  
Guilt panged Siebren’s heart. “I’m sorry, I can see that this bothers you a great deal. But let’s look at the positives- this is a fantastic discovery and one that will aid us in the event my barriers aren’t enough.”

Xev sighed defeatedly. “You’re right. Just next time, warn me alright? I’d feel awful if I hurt ya just like that.”   
  
“You have my word, next time I will explain my intentions.”   
  
“Alright. Thank you, now, let’s try this again. We need to keep moving.”

* * *

The rest of the tests were conducted without any problems. Siebren had been able to increase the time he took to deploy his barrier by shaving off half a second, which helped when they exercised his ability to stop it at certain distances on a whim. It didn’t seem like much, but when they tested against the hostile AI programs, Siebren was able to shield Xev from any harm with ease.   
  
They stopped to eat lunch- a couple of grilled cheeses that Xev threw together. Siebren had taken the time to record their results on his holopad, sending them directly to Moira for analysis and feedback. Xev offered a number of compliments Siebren’s way as they ate.   
  
“You’re really improving, and even though that new ability of yours scared the shit out of me, it is really cool. What are ya gonna call it?”   
  
Siebren smiled and nervously chuckled. “Ah, thank you. I think I’ll call it… Kinetic Grasp.”   
  
Xev shrugged. He might not understand the reasoning behind the name, but he was thankful it wasn’t a mouthful. “Simple enough. Easy to call out too. Doubt anyone will have a clue what it means since the majority of the idiots we fight barely have two brain cells to rub together.”  
  
Siebren finished his food first and waited until Xev finished to take their plates to the sink, letting out a satisfied sigh. “Well, now that we’ve been fed, should we continue our experiments? Or would you rather work separately for a while? I have no problems with either option.”   
  
“Actually, I think we should break on the drills for today. I don’t want to push you too far past your limit just yet,” Xev commented as he pushed himself up from the dining room chair and stretched his arms above his head. “I do need to get a good workout in. You can work on whatever you’d like.”   
  
“Are you sure? I have no issue continuing, I feel-”   
  
Xev held up his hand to stop the older man and turned his head up to meet his gaze. “I’m not saying you can’t handle it, but sometimes we need to rest to allow our bodies to recover. Trust me, you don’t want to burn yourself out on this. We’ll get to it eventually, I promise.”   
  
Siebren was speechless. There was some truth to what the younger man had said, but there was so much more he wanted to see and discover about his abilities. Even if he was tired, he still had questions that needed answers. “... Alright. But perhaps there is something else we could work on? Surely there is more to combat than just the management of my abilities.”   
  
“You’re not wrong, but like I said, we can get to that later. A lot of it’s stuff you have to experience firsthand anyway. I can only prepare you for general situations, not every situation,” Xev responded bluntly, now standing at the top of the stairwell leading downwards. “But if you really are itchin’ to practice more, I suppose I can show you some close quarters stuff.”   
  
Siebren chewed his lip. Violence was not something he was particularly keen on, let alone fighting. Even as a younger man, he hardly ever raised his fist unless it was in self-defense, but even those times were few and far between. He never had a need to know how to fight until now but it would prove beneficial if not only for practical implication, but for abstract as well.   
  
“I’d be more than happy for you to teach me, Xev.”   
  
“Alright, but remember, you asked for this.”  
  
  


* * *

Xev led the way down to the lab and cleared the remaining parts of the now scrapped robots they had used earlier to allow them ample space to practice. He was already thinking of ways to explain and show certain techniques to Siebren in a way he’d understand, but he had no way of knowing what the man already knew. Asking him out right might just embarrass him.   
  
“Okay, first, let me explain how to hold yourself,” Xev began as he spread his legs shoulder width apart. “You wanna try to keep a stance like this as often as you can so that you remain grounded. It helps you keep a center of balance so that you can move as you need to without being at risk of getting overwhelmed.”   
  
Siebren followed his example, feeling a little awkward at first, but reasoned with himself that this was new territory for him. He needed to listen carefully and not worry so much about how things felt and focus on what was practical.   
  
“Great, now, I know you’ve told me before that you don’t care much for fighting and violence, but if it’s gonna save yer ass in the field, I think you’ll understand its importance,” Xev continued as he moved closer to the older man. “I also need you to understand that as an experienced fighter, size doesn’t mean shit. You might have a good foot or so more than me, but I know ways of handling big guys like you.”   
  
“And what ways are those exactly?”   
  
“Like this.”   
  
Xev pounced up from his stance, grabbing on to Siebren’s shirt tightly and swinging his legs up to lock them behind his neck. In his tumble to retain his balance, Siebren tried to stretch an arm out to balance himself, but Xev grabbed it and pulled it down with both arms. He wrenched on the arm to the point that Siebren cried out in pain and fell to his knees.   
  
Xev took that as an opportunity to link his arm around the older man’s thigh, preventing him from being able to get back up easily. This was a technique Xev learned early on in his mercenary career and it had yet to fail him in one-on-one combat situations. Affectionately called the “Shining Triangle”, it was an offensive submission move that restrained opponents and threw them off balance quickly. It could also be used to disarm someone, but Xev never relied on it for that purpose.   
  
“See? I used your height against you,” Xev called out through grit teeth, still tightly holding on to both Siebren’s arm and his leg as he tried to break free. “Now you’ve got two options from here: Surrender or stay like this till you pass out.”   
  
Siebren, evidently, had a third option in mind. He tried to rise to his feet, bringing Xev up with his one arm, but ended up collapsing on top of him in a heap of sweat and hastened breath. Xev had let go of his arm and leg in favor of catching himself in the fall, but was just as surprised as Siebren was.   
  
Neither of them said a word as they stared at each other in disbelief. Siebren had landed awkwardly between Xev’s legs, which were now firmly pinned to the ground under Siebren’s weight. Xev had managed to prop himself up just enough that he could be eye level with the older man, but it was a miracle considering how much his arms were shaking from the impact.   
  
“Well… I suppose that’s one way to get out of it. Nice job,” Xev said finally, his breath hitched slightly.    
  
“Uh… T-thank you,” Siebren stammered, face flushing pink as his pale blue eyes struggled to look anywhere but at Xev. Not only was the landing awkward and causing pain to blossom in his arm and knees, Siebren felt impeccably warm in this position. Too warm. And the way Xev’s hair fell in front of his face wasn’t helping matters.   
  
Xev laughed nervously, his own face flushing a little. Siebren was so unbelievably cute when he was embarrassed, and it was funny how he tried to hide it. “Here, let me up. I can show you how I did it. It works both ways.”   
  
Unable to remain in that position for much longer out of sheer embarrassment, Siebren slowly pushed himself up and extended a hand to Xev, who gladly accepted the help. He hoisted himself up with an added bounce to his step as he shook himself off and whistled. “Glad I tucked my head in, otherwise that would have been bad.”   
  
“You didn’t hit your head did you? I’m sorry, I should have just-”   
  
“Siebren, it’s fine. I’ve taken a lot harder hits than that. I’m more worried about you. Are you alright?” Xev immediately started to check him over for anything that seemed out of place. No broken bones, no bleeding, a little bruising that would disappear in a few days. Nothing to worry about, for now.   
  
“I’m quite alright, just a little surprised I think.”   
  
“I can’t blame you. I didn’t think you had it in ya, but you sure proved me wrong,” Xev complimented him as he tied his hair back into place. “But let me break it down for you. It’s really simple.”   
  
They stood apart once more with Xev grabbing a hold of Siebren’s shirt. “You wanna grab the front like this and kind of pull down to force them to stagger themselves. Makes it easier to bring your legs up and over the neck.”   
  
Siebren braced himself as Xev jumped up once more to lock his legs around his neck. It was easier to withstand now that he knew what to expect, but Xev was heavier than he looked and his legs were strong.    
  
“Now from here you can let go of the front and lock the arm into place in what we call an armbar,” Xev continued to explain, locking the older man’s arm in his grasp once more. “You want to hyperextend it to the point they are forced to kind of bend over and hopefully fall to their knees. Then from there you trap the leg.”   
  
Though this instance didn’t have Siebren on his knees, he still understood the importance of the maneuver.”And like I said, they have two options if they can’t manage to pick you up themselves: choke or submit.”   
  
After explaining, Xev carefully let go of Siebren’s arm and used his hands to balance himself long enough to release his legs from their hold- falling backward into a handspring that put him back on his feet easily. “That’s the gist of it. On smaller guys you don’t have to worry so much about propelling yourself up or bringing them down because more than likely, your weight will take them down on it’s own.”   
  
Siebren nodded, though he didn’t hear the end of that explanation at all. He was distracted by the racing of his heart and the many things going on in his head to hear much of anything. It was almost overwhelming how strong his emotions were and yet it wasn’t sending him into an episode. No, it was sending something somewhere and they’d both see it if this continued.   
  
“Thank you for the explanation, Xev. I do hate to back out so early, but I believe that’s enough excitement for me at the moment,” Siebren said finally, face still flushed and not making eye contact with Xev.   
  
“Hey, no worries. I completely understand. This shit ain’t easy when you aren’t used to it,” Xev responded sympathetically, offering a wide smile in the hopes of easing some of Siebren’s uneasiness. “I’m still going to work out over here. Is that going to bother you while you work or…?”   
  
Yes, it would, but Siebren wasn’t about to explain that. “No, please, carry on how you please. I will just be over here should you need me.”   
  
“Likewise. Good luck, learn something new for me!”  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
It had been two hours since they went separate ways for their evening. Xev had taken to practicing with one of the training robots after a number of different exercises while Siebren was running some diagnostics on the reactions his hyperspheres had in certain situations. He would look over his shoulder from time to time and watch Xev as he worked out. 

The man was incredibly graceful and brutal simultaneously- movements both fluid and precise yet powerful and wild. Each time he lifted his leg to kick at the head of the offending robot, Siebren was amazed at just how much damage had been done to the poor thing’s shell. It was clear that Xev knew just how to dismantle his opponents through techniques that were purely experience based. He envied how easy he made it look.   
  
Just as Xev turned his head after finishing off one of the robots, Siebren turned his face back to his work- hiding the fact that he had been caught staring. He could hear the hitch of Xev’s breath as he approached, could smell how sweaty he was. Though he was highly aware of the younger man’s approach, he still stiffened when Xev came into his peripheral vision   
  
“I think I’m gonna call it quits for now and head upstairs for a shower. How’s your stuff coming along?” Xev asked cheerfully, looking over to the now expanded form of the hypersphere. The orb was pulsing, as though it had its own heartbeat.   
  
Siebren tensed, looking to the device that monitored the reactions in real time. “O-oh. Everything is going well over here.”   
  
“Good! I’m glad,” Xev responded with a wide grin and a pat on the older man’s shoulder. “Why don’t you start dinner while I’m in the shower? I know you’ve got to be hungry, because I’m starving.”   
  
Siebren nodded. “Yes, I can do that.”   
  
Raising a brow questioningly at how unusually quiet Siebren was being, Xev slowly retracted his hand and turned on his heel to head out of the lab. Maybe he just wanted to be left alone, or was too wrapped up in what he was working on. It was best that he didn’t ask- it wasn’t his place to push him too hard. He ascended the stairs, leaving Siebren alone to finish his work in peace.

  
  


* * *

By the time Xev finished his shower and redressed to come down stairs, Siebren had just begun to set the table and fill their plates. He approached the table with his hair down- the dark brown locks framing his face nicely. “Ah, a nice hot shower and a good meal? Wish I’d get this treatment more often.”   
  
Siebren looked over to him and smiled. “Ask and you shall receive. It’s the least I can do after all your help today.”   
  
“Flattery will get ya no where with me, Siebren, but thanks anyway,” Xev said as he took his seat at the table. The scalloped potatoes sat in a nice pile next to the grilled chicken that Siebren had made, each steaming and signaling that they had just been taken off the heat of the stove. “This does look good though, seriously.”   
  
The compliment made Siebren’s smile widen even more, but not nearly as wide as when he saw Xev’s face when he took a bite.    
  
“Holy shit, it’s so juicy. This is the best chicken I’ve ever had in my life,” he commented as he put his hand up over his mouth. “You’ve gotta show me how you did that!”   
  
Siebren had taken his seat at the table after depositing the now empty pot in the sink. The smile still hadn’t left his face. “It’s just a slow cooking process, that’s all. But I am glad to hear that it’s good.”   
  
“I’ll have to make you some of my chicken alfredo some time. I make my sauce from scratch and it’s to die for.” Xev hadn’t made alfredo in years thanks to all the travelling he did for work, but it was a recipe he knew inside and out. The last time he had made it was back before he started to physically transition- he had been living with a friend on the southside of Atlanta and had saved up enough money to prepare the meal. It was considerably more expensive to make than generic alfredo with just how many ingredients there were, but it was always well worth it.   
  
They’d eaten like kings that night and had more than enough to last for a few days afterwards. After that, his friend practically begged him to make it for holiday dinners and parties. Xev would always oblige, so long as he had the money to do so.   
  
“Do you get too cook for yourself often? Or has it been awhile?” Siebren asked as he forked a piece of potato into his mouth.   
  
“Nah, not as often as I’d like, but I do enjoy it,” Xev responded, practically scarfing his food down like an animal. Workouts always left him hungry afterwards. “It helped me pay attention to what I put in my body more, and I always ended up fuller than I needed to be. But that was a good thing, considering I was trying to bulk up before I started training for work.”   
  
Siebren had been curious as to how Xev had gotten into mercenary work, but could never find a good time to ask. Through that anecdote, he could infer that it was a conscious decision that he had made when he was younger, but that was all he could glean from the story in regards to the subject.   
  
“So you actively trained to become a mercenary then? Or did you happen to be training for something else?”   
  
“Well, sort of. I was actually training to become a professional fighter, but that ended up going south real quick,” Xev explained, moving his hands to emphasize his point. “I wanted to be one of the first openly transgender people in the business from Atlanta, but no one wanted to take a chance on me. My foot work was terrible and I could barely bench one hundred and twenty five pounds. But private security was always an open alternative, so that’s what I ended up doing for a little while.”

Xev’s bout with private security lasted about a year or two before he received his first contract for mercenary work. One of his clients had connections to a number of uprising groups that needed assistance in the country and offered to pay him double if he could manage to help them with whatever they needed- some of it good things, others were “bad” things. He never had to kill anyone, but transporting drugs and kidnapping were up there on the list of things he’d surely be sent to hell for.   
  
“One thing lead to another and the next thing you know, I’m sitting with Max and Reaper discussing my contract for Talon,” Xev concluded with a shrug, finishing off the last of his potatoes and wiping his mouth with the paper towel Siebren had provided long before he got to the table. “Now I do whatever they ask me to do, and then some.”   
  
Siebren nodded. Talon seemed to have connections farther than he had initially thought. In his time working at the Hague, the name Talon had come up in many rumors- that they were conspiring with the Omnics to start another uprising, that their money was what founded a majority of the Dutch government’s dirty underbelly, and so on. He never paid them any mind of course, too devoted to his research and pleasing his sponsors to care about an organization that may or may not exist. The only difference between now and then was that there was denying its existence now- and he was caught up in the middle of it.   
  
“Well, I for one am glad you are my ally and not my enemy. Today has proven that you are truly a force to be reckoned with,” Siebren commented as he finished his own food. “I’m lucky to have you at my side, both on the field and off.”   
  
Xev blushed and blinked. No one had ever been thankful to have him as their ally before- at least not to his face. He was convinced that most people felt neutral towards him at best, given that it was his job to be a boss, not a friend. But with Siebren he supposed things were supposed to be different. “T-thanks. Glad yer on my side too.”   
  
Siebren pushed himself up from his chair and collected their plates, smiling politely. “I’ll take care of the dishes this time, I promise.”   
  
“No, let me. You cooked, it’s only fa-”   
  
“Xev, please. Allow me to let you rest for a bit. You’ve done enough for one day,” Siebren cut him off, making his way to the sink and filling it with water and soap. “Besides, you had to do them this morning after I failed to remember them. That’s only fair.”   
  
“... Alright, have it your way. I didn’t wanna do ‘em anyway,” Xev responded matter of factly as he stood up from his seat. “I’m gonna “rest” on the couch with my book if you need me.”  
  
  


* * *

  
By the time Siebren had finished washing the dishes and putting the ones that were left to dry away, it was long since dark. The peaks of the mountains were haloed by the stars, the faintest moonlight silhouetting them against the night sky. He dried his hands and padded over to the living area to see that Xev had fallen asleep on the couch- curled up with his book in the corner with a pillow between his legs. His hair had fallen in front of his face, the tips of the strands brushing against his sharp cheekbones and the tip of his nose. He looked so peaceful, so comfortable.   
  
Quietly tiptoeing around to the other end of the couch, Siebren carefully lifted the man up from the sofa and held him in his arms. He was heavier than he expected, but he could manage the weight until they reached his room. The couch was not a good place to be sleeping; too much strain on the back and neck.   
  
The trek up the stairs was equally as quiet. Siebren tried to move slowly so as to not jostle the sleeping man too much, but miraculously, through all the moving, the man didn’t so much as stir in his sleep. Once in the bedroom, Siebren used a little of his power to turn the blankets down so that he could lay Xev’s body under them. With the blankets pulled up, the soft snoring began to fill the room’s quiet ambiance.   
  
Taking this moment to appreciate just how handsome he was, Siebren couldn’t help the smile on his face. A little over half a year ago, he was apprehensive about being in Talon’s custody- scared of what they might do to him, or make him do. But Xev had been there to reassure him that they were there to free him of his restraints- to allow him to atone for his failures and start over. He’d been kind to him since day one, put himself in harm’s way to ensure his safety and well being; something no one else had done in Siebren’s life.

He’d concluded earlier, when he was in the lab by himself, that these feelings he had towards the younger man were what most people would consider to be love. Love was so foreign to him that he questioned it’s very existence up until that point- but now he was certain that love had to be what he was experiencing. It was a warm feeling that spread from his heart to the rest of his body. But he had no way of knowing if Xev felt the same way. What if he rejected him and ruined their partnership? What if he were repulsed by a man as old as Siebren?   
  
There were too many variables to consider. Now wasn’t the time to express these feelings.   
  
“You’re such a fascinating individual… I only wish that you could see what I see,” Siebren said under his breath, the fond smile still stretched across his lips. “Maybe one day I can help you see it.”   
  
He then left the room with soft steps, closing the door without making a noise. Xev’s eyes cracked open just enough to see the shadow of Siebren’s form disappear from the light coming from underneath the door. He’d heard every word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This went a lot better than the last chapter, thankfully. Not as much editing. But hey we have feelings coming!
> 
> Many thanks to my friend Robz for all her help in fixing up this mess. She helps me understand my "American-isms" and my backwoods talk a lot better and gives me ways to present the same information but with different, more coherent, sounding words. So thank you to her for reading through my atrocious drafts and helping my two brain cells function properly.
> 
> I'll be taking some time to figure up more chapters as I'm currently catching up to my outline which is not good. I think I have the next main conflict planned out but setting it up is going to be a little difficult. I'll figure it out eventually but right now my brain is slowly swinging back to wrestling mode which means I have to make a concentrated effort to write now. But I don't intend on giving up, so no worries.
> 
> If you guys want updates about the fic or wanna see art from this fic, please check out my two twitters!
> 
> Art twt: @hangedwires  
> Personal twt: @shinsgay


	13. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Did you mean it?"

The days leading into the weekend were spent eliminating the remainder of their priorities. Number one on the list was fine tuning Siebren’s Kinetic Grasp and practicing more shield placement. Xev explained every step as they went along- the who, the what, the when, the where, and why of it. Though the majority of the information was common sense, there were things that Siebren hadn’t thought of that Xev had. His experience in the field was more than Siebren would ever learn from books or simulations.

They covered general scenarios such as infiltrations and ambushes, but Xev also stressed the importance of understanding what to do when you become overwhelmed. It wouldn’t be easy for someone like Siebren to handle high pressure situations, but it was still important to know regardless. 

When they finished training, they spent their evenings apart. Xev had went upstairs to write reports on their progress as well as look over the deployment paperwork for a number of squads. Now that Talon was settled in their new headquarters, it was up to Xev to determine what resources were placed where. So far, they had teams in 11 different countries and were expected to ready and deploy two more once the operations begin in Russia.    
  
Xev worked as diligently as his mind would allow him. His mind always found it’s way back to Siebren- how his training was coming along, how to prepare him for everything he could think of, those pale, but bright blue eyes and soft smiles- He shook his head, eyes focusing back on the report he had been preparing on the screen. Two paragraphs were all he had managed to write in the last hour.

Siebren didn’t need to be perfect on the field, but the more Xev taught him, the better their chances were of coming back alive- but the longer they talked, the more distracted he got. He hadn’t been able to get what Siebren had said out of his head:  _ “You’re such a fascinating individual… I only wish that you could see what I see.”  _ At first, he tried to ignore it- the tightness in his chest, the way the blush formed on his face, and the smile those words brought. When that didn’t work, he knew he was going to have to say something to Siebren sooner or later.   
  
The problem was that he wasn’t sure how to approach the subject. He could just blurt it out at some point and see what Siebren says, but it might just confuse the older man. Besides, what if he heard him wrong? What if he meant what he said platonically? Wasn’t this against some rule somewhere in the Talon handbook?   
  
There were too many questions- too many maybes. Xev didn’t count on “maybe”s. The only question he could answer in the midst of everything was: did he feel the same way about Siebren? The answer was simple- yes, he did. He couldn’t pinpoint exactly when he realized it, but with enough afternoons spent being enthralled in the richness of Siebren’s voice, he would have realized it sooner or later.   
  
Xev loved Siebren’s company, loved hearing what the scientist had to say even if he didn’t have a clue what was being explained. Not only was he attracted to the sound of Siebren’s voice, he also loved to see the man smile- especially if he was particularly excited about something. He was kind, smart, and Xev cared a great deal about his well being. If that wasn’t love, Xev didn’t know what could be.   
  
He continued to think about it even as their work continued. Through his workout, lunch, and all of Siebren’s lectures on his research- Xev tried to make a decision about what he should do and came up with nothing. Perhaps he was doomed to suffer with the possibilities than find answers to his questions.   
  
Siebren, on the other hand, was oblivious to Xev’s pondering. He had noticed that Xev was quieter than usual, but wrote it off as insignificant without a second thought. It wasn’t until dinner when he started to notice and worry. Their conversations had been reduced to simple yes and no questions and Xev had taken to sitting on the couch with his nose shoved into his book- stuck on the same page for the last twenty minutes.    
  
He wanted to say something, anything to get the younger man to speak up about whatever was bothering him, but every time he tried, Siebren ended up biting his tongue. It wasn’t his business to push or pry into Xev’s personal thoughts- if he wanted to talk about it, he would do so on his own terms. Siebren chewed his lip nervously. Had he said something that upset him? Did he do something to make him uncomfortable?    
  
“Hey, Sieb, you okay over there?” Xev said as he leaned against the granite countertop of the island. Siebren, lost in his worries, hadn’t heard Xev get up or enter the kitchen. His face flushed at the use of a pet name. “Do you need help with anything or…?”   
  
“Ah- no. I’m sorry. I was just thinking,” Siebren answered as he turned the heat off for the pot of rice he had been boiling for far too long.    
  
“Well, you never answered my question."   
  
When did he ask him a question? Siebren couldn’t recall. “And what question was that?”   
  
The pause before Xev's response was worrisome. Siebren noticed how quickly the younger man shied away from giving a response; the way he shifted on his feet and avoided looking in his direction. He was embarrassed about something, clearly.

"I…. can I ask ya something?”   
  
Siebren set the pot of rice to the side and turned to face Xev, lips pressed together nervously. “Of course. What can I help you with?”   
  
Tapping his fingernails on the smooth countertop, Xev paused again. He needed to know how Siebren felt, but he wasn't sure he was prepared for the answer. Had to kick the hornet's nest, didn't ya?

“The other night… when you carried me to bed. Did ya mean what ya said? Be honest with me.”   
  
Silence. Siebren’s eyes went wide with the realization of the question and his face turned scarlett. He didn’t need to know exactly what Xev meant, though he could have played coy and made sure- no, he needed to be honest. That night when Xev looked so peaceful and charming, Siebren voiced his feelings quietly, and now he had to deal with it. “You…. You heard that?”   
  
Brushing a hand nervously on the nape of his Neck, Xev avoided eye contact. He wished he didn’t have to do this, wished he could just forget how good hearing those words felt and suppress his feelings- but he couldn’t. There was no sense in trying to fight or deny it now. “Yeah… I did.”   
  
Immediately, Siebren stammers out an apology. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said it. I don’t want you to think less of me because of this I-”   
  
“Sieb, did you mean it? Yes or no?” Xev cut him off bluntly, braving a glance to those bright blue eyes. He always thought they were brilliant- so expressive and soft, a stark contrast to the rest of his face. They were a good indicator of Siebren’s true feelings, and right now, they were alight with worry and regret. Xev’s face fell a little. He shouldn’t have brought this up.   
  
“... Yes. I meant it. I… believe I have-”   
  
“... Feelings for me?” Xev finished, bringing his head up once more to look at Siebren, as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.   
  
“Y-yes…” Siebren concluded, folding his hands neatly in front of him and looking down at the floor. He felt ashamed of himself for allowing this to happen. Xev was only being kind to him as an obligation- Siebren knew that. All of this was for the sake of the organization, none of it was personal. How he had let himself be fooled into thinking this man, twenty years his junior, would share his feelings.   
  
Xev smiled softly into the palm of his hand, lowering his gaze. “Well that makes things easier for me, because... I like you too.”  
  
_What?_ Siebren looked up at Xev incredulously, eyes wide and jaw slack. “Pardon?”   
  
“I said, I like you too. And close your mouth, yer gonna catch flies like that,” Xev responded as he took strides towards Siebren. He took the older man’s hands gently into his own, running his thumbs across the spanse of his Siebren’s knuckles. “I’ve actually had feelings for awhile now, but… I didn’t want to say anything in case I got the wrong idea.”   
  
Siebren de Kuiper, for the first time in his life, felt stupid. He’d been wrong about Xev’s intentions this entire time- all the while second guessing and doubting every little word and gesture. It made him laugh at how gullible he had been. 

“I’ve been such a fool,” Siebren said as he gripped Xev’s hands firmly, smiling softly. Xev’s hands were calloused and worn, evidence of his many years of work and training. How such rough hands could belong to someone who brought so much warmth and serenity, Siebren would never know- but he was thankful to be able to hold them, just like this. “ I hadn’t realized your feelings. I thought you were just being nice to me because you had to. But… I’m glad I was wrong.”

Xev smiled back as Siebren slid his fingers between Xev’s own, his large hands dwarfing the younger man’s. “You aren’t a fool. You’ve got too big a brain to be a fool. It’s one of your many charming qualities.”

Siebren laughed the last of his nerves away and caught Xev’s gaze. “Charming qualities, hmm? I believe you have a few of those yourself.”

Grinning cheekily, Xev leaned forward, practically standing on his tip toes in an attempt to be closer to Siebren. He never thought he, at age 42, would be admitting feelings for anyone- let alone a man with a doctorate degree and a good two feet taller than him. “Oh yeah? And what would those be Dr. de Kuiper?”

The blush on Siebren’s face grew darker. There were so many things he would have liked to have said, but the words never formed in his mouth. He was squirming as Xev moved closer, inch by inch- but he stopped. So close yet so far away.   
  
“Can I… kiss you?”   
  
Xev blinked up at Siebren. The question was obvious, but it was like he didn’t believe what he had heard. Slowly the realization washed over his expression, softening his smile and his eyes to narrow. He leaned forward, catching Siebren’s lips in a gentle, sweet kiss. His hand cradled the back of the older man’s head, fingers brushing against the stubbled, grey hair just at the nape.

The kiss didn’t last nearly as long as they felt it had but they both parted with a smile. Xev took one look at Siebren’s eyes and saw the elation in his expression before turning his head shyly. To think that something as simple as a kiss from him could make Siebren that happy, Xev would have never guessed.

“Feels a little weird admittin’ all that out loud,” Xev spoke softly, letting his hand fall from the back of Siebren’s neck. “Didn’t expect ya to be that good of a kisser either.”   
  
Siebren laughed, cocking a smug smirk at the underhanded compliment. He didn’t quite understand what was “weird” about the situation, but he supposed he could sympathize. It wasn’t like Siebren had many opportunities to compare this to but he felt relieved to have finally gotten his feelings across. This was something beautiful in it’s own unique way, like the universe- complex and enlightening. 

“I think you’ll find that I’m a man of many talents,” Siebren said as he turned Xev’s head up with his thumb and forefinger, chasing his lips for another chaste kiss that sent sparks flying under his skin. “I for one am relieved to finally have my feelings known.”

“Yeah- I mean, I am too. It’s just I’m not used to this whole… feelings thing,” Xev explained nervously, trying his best to hide the widening of his smile. The affection, while nice, made his heart beat frantically out of his chest; a side effect of the suppressed trust issues he had developed over the years. “But I think I can work it out for someone as handsome as you are.”

Now it was Siebren’s turn to retreat in embarrassment. The blush on his face grew darker and the smugness in his features fell away as he cleared his throat. “A-ah yes well um… I’m honored to be given the chance.”   
  
“You don’t gotta be so formal ya know? Though I appreciate the gentlemanly approach, it makes me feel old.”   
  
Age hadn’t been a factor Siebren had considered in processing his feelings- in fact, he wasn’t entirely sure how old Xev was. The stress lines at the corners of his mouth and the slight crinkle at the corner of his eyes indicated that he was older than he appeared, but he couldn’t agree with certainty on a specific number. “... Forgive me if this seems crass, but how old are you Xev?”   
  
“Oh, it’s not that big of a deal,” Xev said with a small wave of his hand. He was used to people trying to guess his age, and ultimately having to ask him after their wildest speculations were proven wrong. It wasn’t as bad as when he was younger, around 25 or so, and getting carded when buying alcohol. “I’m forty-two. I’ll be forty-three later this year.”  


“Ah, I see,” Siebren responded with a slight nod of his head. Xev wasn’t as young as he seemed, which set his mind at ease, but the fact that he had nearly twenty years on him was a bit of a shock. “I would have never guessed, if we’re being honest here.”

“Why? Because I’m just so boyishly handsome?” Xev teased, playfully nudging Siebren with his elbow. “You aren’t the first person to say so, you know.”   
  
“I suppose that’s one way of looking at it,” Siebren laughed in response. “Age suits you well it seems.”   
  
“Right back at ya, old man.”   
  
Before Siebren could retort to that, a ringing sound erupted from the device on Xev’s hip; a comms device similar to a pager but with the ability to deliver video messages. Pulling it from it’s place on his person, Xev glanced at the screen to see an incoming call coming from headquarters. He lifted a brow and looked up at Siebren, who was equally as confused as Xev was.   
  
Xev pressed the button to answer and was greeted with Akande’s portrait. His strong jaw was locked in a firm frown and dark brown eyes were intently focused on Xev. “Kovock speaking.”   
  
“Commander Kovock, good to see you. I hope I’m not interrupting anything important, but unfortunately, this cannot wait,” Akande explained as another notification came up on Xev’s screen; a briefing report 3 pages long was being sent to his device. “We’ve received your reports on your progress and are pleased with the results you’ve garnered. We’d like to discuss our next plan of action with you tomorrow at headquarters.”   
  
“That shouldn’t be a problem. If I can ask, what’s the rush? Is there something wrong?”   
  
Akande shook his head. “No, but there has been a development on our end regarding the Russian reconnaissance we had you deploy.”   
  
“That fast? I know my men are good, but I didn’t think they were that good.” The team Xev had put together for intel was composed of ten undercover sleeper agents Talon had kept in the wings for just such an occasion. Many of them were missing persons from various countries- wives of CEOs, siblings of elected officials, ect. These metaphorical pawns were complemented with mid rank soldiers for protection, but even with all of those cards in their hands, the hasty development came as a shock to Xev.   
  
“We were surprised as well. I won’t discuss too many details until you get here, but we’ve made contact with the Omnic extremist group currently engaged in conflict with Katya Volskya. They are prepared to help us undermine Ms. Volskya, but they have demands that we will need to negotiate.”   
  
Xev rolled his eyes. Of course there would be a stipulation. “Okay, I get the idea. What time will the car be here to get me?”   
  
“We’ll be expecting you tomorrow at ten,” Akande responded bluntly. “Moira has also requested your assistance while you are here. You’ll have to ask her about the details.”   
  
“Understood. Thanks for the heads up.”   
  
Without so much as a goodbye, the call ended with Akande nodding affirmingly- leaving the screen black once more. Xev pocketed the device with a sigh, fingers coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose. Siebren, who had remained politely quiet throughout the whole conversation, stood awkwardly to the side. None of this directly affected him, but he felt as if he were intruding on something he shouldn’t have been.   
  
“You seem frustrated,” Siebren said apologetically, stepping closer to Xev with his arms open, but never closing the gap- afraid of pushing past unspoken boundaries. “Is everything alright?”   
  
Xev’s hand fell from his face as he stepped into Siebren’s embrace, laying his head gently on the older man’s broad chest. “Yeah. Just can’t seem to get a break around here. Can’t enjoy one thing without one hundred more things coming up.”   
  
The brevity of peace was not lost on Siebren- too often in his career did he have to deal with a constant stream of problems to solve, leaving his accomplishments to sit unrecognized. He struggled at times to keep up with the pace of his work, but even he can admit it was overwhelming at times. He persisted all the same.   
  
“I’ll be fine. I just wish this could have waited a few more days,” Xev said with a huff, leaning more on Siebren. “I woulda liked to have spent some time with my boyfriend but duty calls I guess.”   
  
Boyfriend. The label brought a fresh wave of warmth to Siebren’s heart- a genuine happiness he hadn’t felt in a long time. “Well, I suppose dinner tonight will have to do for now. Would you like to help me finish?”   
  
“You had me at dinner.”

* * *

  
  
Dinner went as quickly as it came. The sun had disappeared behind the ridge of the mountains long ago, the deep blue hues fading into darkness through the large windows. Xev offered to clean the kitchen so that Siebren could get ready for bed, but the older man insisted on helping him despite his complaints. He teased Siebren that this was just an excuse for him to be closer to him, which he laughed off.   
  
The subtle affection didn’t end there either. As Xev came out of the bathroom, fresh from the shower, Siebren walked out of his room dressed in a plain grey t-shirt and black sweatpants.    
  
“Everything alright Sieb?” Xev asked as he toweled his hair dry, the long dark brown strands flipped to one side as a result of being tussled. Siebren couldn’t help himself from staring- not having seen Xev with his hair down once since they’ve known each other. It was longer than he had expected and looked soft.   
  
“O-oh, yes, everything is fine. I just wanted to ask you if… maybe you’d like to join me for the night?” He asked timidly, afraid of sounding too forward with his intentions. Though judging by the sly smile Xev shot back at him, he was overthinking things.   
  
“Geez, one day and yer already tryin’ to get me in your your bed?” Xev taunted with a wide grin, loving how easily it was to fluster the older man.   
  
Siebren froze on the spot, words bubbling up on his tongue as he tried to clear up the confusion he had caused. “N-no that’s not- I just-”   
  
Xev swatted Siebren with the end of his damp towel, immediately stopping his counterpart from having a meltdown. “Relax, I’m just messing with you. I’d love to, just let me get my medicine from my room and I’ll meet you over there. Sound good?”   
  
Sighing in relief, Siebren nodded. He was thankful that Xev was so understanding and patient with him- especially given that it had been a long while since he last held a relationship with anyone. It would be awkward at first, but at least his partner had the gift of patience. “Of course. You know where to find me.”   
  
It didn’t take long for Xev to get what he needed from his room and when he came into the room, much to Siebren’s delight, immediately threw himself under the blankets beside him. The size difference between them was comical already, but seeing Xev physically curled up like a child next to his long body was hysterical.   
  
“Comfortable?” Siebren asked with a smile as the younger man finally settled beneath the blankets.   
  
Xev nodded, tucking the blanket up to his chin to stay as warm as possible. “Mhm. How about you?”   
  
“I’m plenty comfortable. Though I must warn you I do tend to toss and turn in my sleep.”   
  
Chuckling softly, Xev reached for Siebren’s arm and encouraged him to hold him. “That makes two of us, but I think if we hold on to each other we’ll be alright.”

At first, Siebren stiffly held his arm around Xev- as if doubting for some reason that that was not what the younger man had wanted him to do, but eventually he relaxed and relished in the warmth rolling off of his partner. “I don’t think you will have to worry about such a thing, _mijn beste_.”

“Guess I better get used to hearing Dutch, huh? You’ll have to teach me some stuff so I can actually understand what you’re saying.”

“Well, allow me to give you your first lesson then. Mijn beste means my dear in Dutch.”   
  
Xev tried to mimic the sound of the words and failed miserably the first two times. Siebren kept repeating himself and delighted in the “ah-ha!” moment when the younger man managed to pronounce it correctly.

“Mijn beste… at least that one’s easy to remember,” Xev articulated as he nuzzled his head under Siebren’s chin affectionately. “I like it. No one has ever called me that.”

In truth, Xev had always been fond of terms of endearment but would never admit it out loud to anyone. He always tried to subtly point his past partners in the direction of it, but they simply never caught on which is why it meant more coming from Siebren.

Lifting his head slightly, Xev angled his head to capture Siebren’s lips in a quick kiss- a subtle thank you for indulging his own hopeless romantic fantasies. “Thank you for being honest with me about all of this. Glad we’re on the same page now.”

Siebren reciprocated the kiss and smiled adoringly when they parted. “No need to thank me. I’m glad we understand each other, but you need to rest. You have an early wake-up call.”

“Yeah… I suppose I do,” Xev responded quietly as he slipped an arm around Siebren’s form- like he couldn’t be close enough to the man as is. “Hopefully I can finish up quick and get back to ya. Maybe we can do something that isn’t work or cooking tomorrow.”   
  
“That sounds lovely. I’ll be waiting with baited breath.”   
  
Rolling his eyes playfully, Xev chuckled at the older man. “Alright c’mon now, bein’ sappy’s one thing, but ya don’t gotta be that sappy.”   
  
“I think someone likes it more than they would like me to know,” Siebren teased back, finally having the courage to give Xev a taste of his own medicine. “Now rest, _mijn beste_.”   
  
“Good night, Siebren.”   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for how long this took to get out but on top of having this thing fight be every 10 or so words, I've been dealing with a lot of personal stuff as well. It feels a little rushed but I wanted the focus to really be on this moment so I'm sorry it's shorter than usual too. But we have a confession! They're painfully gay now! Yaaay!
> 
> I've got all the way up to the next climax planned out and hopefully I won't have as much difficulty writing as I did these last few weeks. My family and I were recently exposed and had to quarantine for 10-14 days, which is where I've spent the last two weeks of my life. So far none of us are showing symptoms but we still haven't heard back about our test results. Hopefully we hear something today or tomorrow. This whole thing kind of threw a wrench in my plans to move out with my mom, which is where a majority of my attention has been lately. The details haven't been ironed out yet but we're hoping to reach a decision on where we're moving to soon- or so I hope anyway.
> 
> I wanna thank everyone who's commented on this fic, by the way. It might sound silly, but reading about how excited you guys are for updates and how much you're enjoying this story makes me so happy. I've definitely needed the boost lately, so thank you all for being so kind <3 Hopefully I can keep you entertained for many more chapters to come because boy do I have a whole ass headcanon in this story.
> 
> As always if you guys want updates on the fic or wanna see art from the fic from time to time, please follow my twitter accounts! In fact, there's a piece of art for this fic on my art twitter right now! It's a little spicy- if you know what I mean.
> 
> Art twt: @hangedwires  
> Personal twt: @shinsgay


	14. Business As Usual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talon begins making preparations for an operation in Russia

Morning came with a haze that blanketed the troughs and crests of the mountains just outside the bedroom window. Siebren was the first to wake up, just ten minutes shy of Xev’s alarm. His body felt heavier and warmer than usual- evidenced by the mass that currently clung to his form. Xev, at some point in the night, had managed to wrap his leg around his body, pulling himself as close as humanly possible to Siebren’s body. It reminded Siebren of a koala clinging to a tree.

Xev’s cheek delicately rested just below Siebren’s collar bone, rising and falling with the steady, rhythmic breaths welling in his chest. His face was soft, unburdened of the usual stress lines that adorned the corners of his mouth and the crease above his brow. Peaceful.

Siebren was careful to be still- afraid of waking the younger man and ruining a peaceful, tender moment such as this. Even when the heat became uncomfortable to bear, he didn't dare move. It was rare for him to get a good night's sleep on most nights, and from what he knew about Xev, they were in similar circumstances. Besides, there was an alarm- what harm would 10 more minutes of stillness hurt?

Bringing his hand up to Xev’s face, Siebren gently ran his thumb across the man’s cheek and down to his jaw. Among the hits of stubble there were a few small scars that he never noticed before- dotting their way down his cheek and fading into the short dark hairs that lined the curve of his jaw. If Siebren had to guess, they were a symptom of hastily shaving, or perhaps scrapes from narrow blows. He cringed to think about the latter prospect in any capacity- the idea of blood trickling down the younger man’s face was almost too much for his fragile mind to bear. 

Despite how happy he was to have his feelings off his chest, there was a part of Siebren that knew this would complicate things. There had been times throughout his career where he witnessed the fall out between two coworkers- first, they would argue and distance themselves, then they would inevitably be dismissed by the institution. It was frivolous, so Siebren convinced himself- not worth the possibility of being denied the right to work on his research, or the heartache.   
  
There was no telling what the Council would have to say about this development either. He didn’t have enough of a grasp of their personalities to know whether or not they would let something like this go unspoken, or outright fire them for fraternization. It was enough of a concern for Siebren’s own well being, but Xev’s well being came into question as well. Would they release him from his position? Where would he go, what would he do? Would he survive?   
  
The blaring of the alarm from the bedside table pulled Siebren from his worries, as well as pulled Xev from his peaceful sleep. The younger man groaned and rolled over onto his back, arm reaching out to grab the device and silence it. His eyes cracked open, taking in the soft light coming from the window before diverting over to the older man beside him.    
  
“How long have you been awake?” Xev asked, brow slightly raised as he rolled back over to his previous position- though this time he draped his arm across Siebren’s midsection, effectively pulling the man closer.   
  
“Not long,” Siebren responded with a smile, earning him a quick kiss on the lips which he happily returned. “You were sleeping so well, it would have been a crime to wake you.”

Xev smiled back in turn, then playfully groaned and pushed at Siebren’s chest. He appreciated the sweetness of the words, but it was a lot to take in first thing in the morning. “Don’t try and butter me up or I won’t move.”   
  
“It is merely a fact. And I have no objections to laying her like this for a bit longer.”   
  
“Yeah well, neither do I, but don’t think for one second that Moira won’t hunt me down if I don’t show up,” Xev countered as he pushed the blankets off of his body and sat up. If it were up to him, he’d tell the Council to handle it themselves and he’d deal with the aftermath- but that wasn’t how these things worked. And if Moira needed him for something, it was best he make this trip as quick and painless as possible. “You gonna be alright here by yourself while I’m gone?”   
  
Siebren nodded. While he would certainly miss his companion’s company, there was more than enough work to be done to keep him busy until Xev’s return. “I’m capable of handling myself a lot more these days. I will be patiently awaiting your return,  _ mijn beste. _ ”

Tossing a pillow back at Siebren, Xev stood up from the bed and made his way over to the door- hiding the blush on his face in the process. Siebren was so sweet and gentlemanly it was almost too much. Almost. “Stop that. You’ll make my heart stop.”   
  
Smiling fondly as the younger man walked out of the door, Siebren rolled over to sit up on the edge of the bed. “That is a sacrifice I’m willing to make.”

* * *

Vancouver was beautiful- sun shining brilliantly over the mountain peaks and the gentle waves of the rivers and ports were picturesque. It reminded Xev of the first time he had ever travelled to Seattle, how different the air itself felt to not only breathe but feel on his skin. It felt humid, only without the heat.   
  
The same could not be said for the new headquarters building. The wave of air conditioning hit him as he stepped inside to the foyer, the cold air chilling him to his very bones. He eyed the receptionist from across the room, sitting just behind a glass table with a barricade covering it’s perimeter from the opposite side. She was young, perhaps in her late twenties, and her face was angular- pretty, but too pretty for Xev’s tastes. She seemed familiar, but he had enough trouble remembering his own men, let alone the office staff.   
  
“Good morning Commander Kovock. We’ve been expecting you,” she said cooly, her blonde curls bouncing as she lifted her head to meet his gaze. Xev lifted his hand in a small wave, trying to give off the impression that he knew who this woman was.   
  
“Mornin’, uh…”   
  
“Angela Miklenson. We haven’t met before but I’ve heard all about you,” she responded as she stood to shake his hand. “You’re even more handsome in person.”   
  
Xev blinked, unsure if he should be suspicious of how friendly she was, or impressed by her blatant flirting. Perhaps impressed wasn’t the right word for it- astonished, more like. “Thanks, I guess. You gonna be the one to show me around this place?”   
  
“Yes, actually. This place can get confusing if you don’t know where you’re going,” she said with a big smile, turning on her dark red heel and heading towards the elevators. “But I’ve worked in this building for years. I know it like the back of my hand.”   
  
Xev doubted that, but he wasn’t about to argue with her when it was clear she was trying to impress him. Why? He’d never know. He followed her to the elevator and stood in the back of the elevator, watching the woman swipe a card over some kind of reader.    
  
“Only some of us can reach the upper floors, which is primarily where you’ll be,” Angela explained as the doors closed and the elevator began to ascend. She tucked the card away in the breast pocket of her deep gray blazer and tossed her hair to the side. “That’s where all the power is.”   
  
Xev crossed his arms tightly over his chest. “Sounds about right. Though personally I don’t give a damn where we’re working, so long as we’re working,” he responded coldly, hoping Angela would get the hint. She was beginning to make him feel uncomfortable.    
  
“All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, isn’t that how the saying goes?”   
  
Now she was just mocking him- treating him as if he were some kid being scolded by his all knowing aunt. If this was her attempt at making small talk, she was doing a piss poor job of it. 

“Yes, but no work means no pay. And I like being paid.”

“Is that all you like, Commander Kovock?”

Xev stared straight ahead with a cold glare. If he had any doubts that she was flirting, they were dispelled by the tone of her voice just now. He could say something to make her regret ever opening her mouth in the first place, but the short fuse of his temper was already frayed. There was no telling what would come out of his mouth, or if he’d stop once they got to their floor.   
  
Angela smirked back at him over her shoulder. “What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue?”

“No. I just don’t answer stupid questions.”   
  
“Stupid? I’m just trying to get to know you,” Angela deflected, becoming defensive reflexively but maintaining that smug smirk. “You’re being rude.”   
  
Xev’s tongue split his lips open, wetting his lips quickly before he took a step towards the younger woman- looming over her small form with the same cold glare he had been directing at the wall. The smirk on her face fell and her eyes widened. “Ms. Miklenson, I don’t think you understand the position you’re in. You seem like a nice girl, and I’d so hate to end your career with our organization so soon.”   
  
He leaned forward more, causing her to backstep in an attempt to get away. “Someone being rude to you will be the least of your worries when your body turns up on the coast. You’ll be lucky if they can identify your body to give your loved ones a proper funeral for you.”   
  
Angela backed up with every inch Xev moved closer to her, until her back hit the wall of the elevator. She was sweating now, rivulets rolling down her temples and to her cheek. “Or maybe I’ll ship it directly to them- Christmas would be a good time I think, don’t you?”   
  
A sharp slap connected with Xev’s cheek, the sting radiating down to his jaw as his head slowly turned back to face her. Tears filled her deep brown eyes and threatened to spill over any minute. She was terrified- which exactly what Xev had hoped for. “You’re a monster.”   
  
“Sweetheart, you don’t know the half of it,” Xev responded, voice low and ghastly as the elevator came to a slow stop. The doors opened and he took a step back. “Do yourself a favor the next time you open your mouth: Remember that I’m the one they call when things need to be taken care of. And I’m very good at my job, Ms. Miklenson.”

They stood there quietly for a moment before Xev turned on his heel and exited the elevator. Hopefully he got his point across to the young woman, if not, he hoped he would be the one to deal with her. “You can head back down. Your assistance is no longer required nor welcome.”

* * *

Akande and Reaper came into the conference room shortly after Xev had, taking seats opposite him. Xev took the last drag of his cigarette and pushed the butt into the black plastic ashtray that had been placed near the center of the table. He’d made it to the meeting earlier than expected and had spent the later part of the past 20 minutes smoking, trying to keep his temper at bay. It was bad enough he was stressed about the meeting, but now he was annoyed and was going to have to swallow all of it before the meeting started.

“Good morning, Commander Kovock. You’re looking well,” Akande greets him, folding his hands together to rest on the table in front of him. “I take it you’re healing well from your surgery?”

“Yes, things have been going relatively well. I doubt there will be any scarring,” Xev responded bluntly, not at all in the mood to be chastised further. Though Akande was more than aware of Xev’s circumstances, the man was far too blunt and personal for conversations such as these. 

The same could be said for Reaper, but he never asked dumb questions because he doesn’t actually care about the answers. “You two seem relaxed for once. Things been alright over here?”   
  
“The transition has been nearly seamless. We’ve started preparations for agent training to resume by the end of this week,” Akande explains, gesturing a hand to Reaper. “Reaper tells me your men are quite exceptional. They will be useful in the coming months when we expand our operations.”

“My faith in my men was never in doubt, but I’m pleased to know they haven’t been giving you any trouble. Wish I could say the same for our newly acquired office staff.”   
  
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Reaper chimed in. If Xev could see his eyes, he would bet that they were glaring straight at him.   
  
Xev shrugged and pulled another cigarette from his nearly empty pack, lighting it and tucking both the pack and his lighter away. He needed to get more before he returned to the facility. “The receptionist that brought me up here seems to think her job entitles her to the company of people far more important than she ever hopes of being. And with her level of clearance, that seems a little risky if ya ask me.”   
  
Akande chuckled, finally catching on to what Xev had been alluding to. “Ah, I see. I trust you explained this to her on the way up?”

“Explicitly,” Xev responded harshly, taking a long drag from his cigarette. “I don’t tolerate harassment, let alone being belittled by some cheap broad who’s barely able to buy alcohol on her own.”   
  
This time Akande did not laugh- realizing that Xev was being serious through the way his eyes narrowed. 

“I see. I will look into it. Speaking of clearance, here,” Akande said as he slid a plastic card across the table to Xev. It was black with red lettering, labeled for highest security clearance. “That will get you into any of the areas in the building that you need. I know Moira has asked for your presence. You will need that to get to her lab.”   
  
“Wow, they’re really lockin’ us up huh?” Xev responded as he turned the card over in his hands. There were security protocols in their other hideouts, but nothing like this. Generally speaking, you knew where you were allowed to go and where you weren’t- failing to understand that would be an immediate termination, and not in the professional sense. “Did Moira say what she wanted with me or am I supposed to just wait in anticipation throughout this entire meeting?”  
  
“Unfortunately, I cannot answer that. I was just asked to pass along the message, nothing more,” Akande said apologetically, sitting back in his seat and folding his arm across his chest just as Moira entered the room herself. She walked with an air of superiority as she passed by her masculine colleagues, not even bothering with acknowledging them as she went.   
  
Xev turned his chin up. “Mornin’ Moira.”   
  
“Kovock, how nice to see you,” the red headed woman responded curtly, taking a seat towards the head of the table on Xev’s side. “I’ve been reading your reports. Things seem to be going well with Doctor de Kuiper.”   
  
“He’s making good progress on being able to control his powers with relative ease. Give me a few more months and he’ll walk the chalk line,” Xev explained, putting out his cigarette in the ashtray once more. The progress they had made as far as training went exceeded Xev’s expectations, but they still had more work to do. “His combat awareness needs work, but I’ll push that more when I know he won’t have an episode in the middle of it.”   
  
“That would be wise. I’m interested to see how his abilities develop over time. I’ll be monitoring the condition of his mind on a psychological level as well as a physical level.”   
  
Siebren’s condition was something they were always going to have to monitor, but Xev hadn’t considered the fact that all of this could have a physical impact on the older man, let alone in his brain. He supposed it was ridiculous to think all of this wouldn’t have some kind of impact on his body and mind, but it wasn’t something he wanted to think about. In any capacity.   
  
“As long as he doesn’t get in the way of our operations, I care what kind of shape he’s in,” Reaper retorted snarkily, taloned fingers tapping on the hard wood of the table. “We’re all damaged. Why should he feel special about it?”   
  
“You are correct, but the difference is the kind of damaged you are versus the kind of damaged Sigma is,” Moira corrected. “Your psychotic tendencies don’t lean towards killing your allies. His tendencies may very well come to that. It’s important that he not become self destructive, otherwise our time and effort will have been wasted.”

Reaper growled lowly, leveling the hollows of his mask with Moira. If Xev didn’t know any better, he would swear there was tension between them but this was just how they acted with one another. He could be mad at Moira all he wanted but her importance to the organization and their overall mission kept him from ever raising a fist to her. Had it not been for that, the two probably would have killed each other a long time ago.

“I’m doing everything I can to teach him what I know, but the biggest thing I’ve worked on with him is making him realize when he’s being overwhelmed,” Xev explained, ignoring the tension for now and continuing as if nothing changed. “He’s incredibly resilient as far as that goes. I have high expectations for him and he surpasses them every single day.”

“I expect nothing less, Kovock,” Moira acknowledged as she steepled her hands together and rested her chin upon them- poised and smug just as she always was. “We’ll talk more after the meeting. Maximilien should be along any moment now.”

As if on cue, Maximilien made his way through the door and took his usual seat at the head of the table- silencing any further conversation. “Good morning everyone. I trust that you all have been briefed on the nature of this meeting, yes?”

The group nodded in agreement, prompting the omnic to pull up the holographic screen from the center of the table. “Good, then allow me to get to the point so that we can all get back to work.”  
  
A number of images began to form, most of them of various omnics with a few familiar faces mixed in. Katya Volskya being the one who stuck out the most- exuding an aura of superiority with her perfectly styled hair and intimidating gaze. 

“We’ve confirmed that Volskya industries is in the process of running tests on their latest mecha-technology. It’s caused some tension with local omnic extremist groups,” Maximilien began, adjusting the photos to illustrate his point as he spoke. “One of those groups has reached out for help in combating this threat to their livelihood. We won’t need to deploy an army to do this, however, we will simply provide them information on the enemy.”

“So espionage then?” Xev asked with a raised brow. Espionage wasn’t exactly his forte, that was left primarily to Reaper and Sombra, and there weren’t many instances where he had to be directly involved with it. But the fact they felt the need to include him in this meeting meant that he would have to be involved- whether he liked it or not.   
  
“Correct, but there’s a little more to it than that,” Maximilien articulated, dragging another image into view. “It would benefit us to have the omnics go to war with the same technology being used against them, but it would show our hand too soon. Which is why I propose that we give them some information, but not all of it.”   
  
“And we just keep the rest of the information in our back pockets. Sounds like a solid plan so far, but I feel like I’m about to hear a but,” Xev responded as he leaned forward to get a closer look at the image on the screen. At first glance, there wasn’t anything out of the ordinary about it- Katya Volskya being swarmed by what he assumed to be her body guards, but looking closer he saw a number of omnics in the group. One of which was shaking her hand, as if they had closed a business deal.   
  
“... She’s getting her stuff from these same groups isn’t she?”   
  
Maximilien nodded. “Very perceptive of you, Commander Kovock. Ms. Volskya has been making deals with the enemy behind her country’s back for years.”   
  
“Interesting. I wonder how this would paint the savior of Russia…” Moira chimed in, a thin lipped smirk spread across her lips. “I take it this was Sombra’s doing?”   
  
“Yes. This information is strictly confidential and has been kept under heavy lock and key for months, but thanks to Sombra’s unique abilities, we now hold this information in our hands.”   
  
Akande leaned forward now, all too interested in the information. “These omnics, do we have any information on them?”   
  
“We were able to identify one of them as Maximov, who currently holds a position on the United Nations board for Omnic Rights,” Maximilien said as he zoomed in on the omnic shaking hands with Katya. “As far as his activities outside of the board, things become mysterious. I’m having Sombra look into the possibilities and we should have an update in the coming weeks.”   
  
“Maximov… I’ve heard that name before,” Xev spoke up, wracking his brain for the reason as to why that name struck a chord in him. Over the years he had dealt with a number of high profile individuals, omnic and human alike, and it was entirely possible that he’d taken a job or two for, or against, the name Maximov. “I’ll speak with Sombra and have her run some contractors' names in her database. If I’m not mistaken, I believe I was hired to kill Maximov at one point.”

“Ahh, I see. That makes things more interesting. Would you be able to get any information on your past contracts?” Maximilien responded as he folded his hands together. Xev couldn’t be sure if that much was true, but it wouldn’t hurt to look into it on the off chance he was right.   
  
“I can’t, but Sombra might. I’ll look into it as soon as this meeting is over.”   
  
“Good. Any and all information we can obtain will help make our decision for this next operation.”   
  
“And that next operation would be?”   
  
“Whether or not we should assassinate Katya Volskya,” Akande interjected. “We’ve already assembled the team to do so, but with this development, we may hold off on sending Reaper, Lacroix, and Sombra for some time.”

Assassination seemed to be a hastily thrown together decision, at least in Xev’s opinion, but things were rarely as they seemed when dealing with the Council. If the idea was to create unprecedented conflict, wouldn’t eliminating one of the key individuals be counter productive? Not only that, it would grossly upset the balance of things within the country of Russia- prompting the United Nations to have to intervene and limiting the scope of the operations. They would be better off leaving her alive at this rate and let the war take her on it’s own.

“Alright. I understand the urgency. I’ll get to work and provide results by the end of next week,” Xev concluded. “Do we want to have men on the ground in the area for surveillance purposes or have you already taken the liberty of doing my job for me, Akande?”   
  
“Way ahead of you. We deployed them shortly before leaving Vegas,” Akande answered as he rolled his shoulders to a more comfortable position. “Seeing as how we have more information to consider, I believe this meeting can be rescheduled for a later date. What do you say, Maximilien?”   
  
The omnic gave a polite nod in the African man’s direction. “Agreed. I appreciate your time regardless. We will reconvene at some point in the near future. I expect those results sooner rather than later, Commander Kovock.”   
  
“Max, when have I ever disappointed you?”   
  
“I don’t think you want to know the answer to that.”

* * *

Moira wasted no time in dragging Xev to her new laboratory and office space after the meeting. She wouldn’t explain why it was so important for him to follow her, nor would she let him try to weasel his way out of it. It wasn’t that Xev minded being needed for any reason, it was just the fact that when Moira needed something, it usually wasn’t a good thing. He was already in a bad mood and she was only going to make it worse at this rate.

The lab was considerably larger than the one from their Vegas headquarters, the same stark white floors with a deep blue hue covering the walls. It was neat and organized, just as they always were. The only difference outside of the size was the row of windows on the far side that overlooked one of the city's many ports. He always wondered if the lack of natural light in her labs was a personal preference or a security thing- now he knows it’s a personal preference.   
  
“Sign this,” she said as she shoved a clipboard into his hands and turned on her heel quickly to prepare some sort of syringe. Xev narrowed his eyes as he tried to skim the documents. Medical release forms were not a foreign concept to him by any stretch of the imagination, but it was strange coming from someone like Moira- who had little to no regard for the consequences her research may have on her unfortunate test subjects.   
  
“Why do you need a medical release form? You think I’d have any luck suing you if something you did to me caused me irreversible damage?” Xev sneered, taking the pen from the top and sloppily signing his name on the dotted line before handing it back to Moira.   
  
“Don’t make me laugh. I am merely covering my bases,” the red headed woman responded snarkily as she took the clipboard from him and began to load the syringe. “This is merely to improve your genetic structure. It should help with the numerous amounts of trauma you’ve inflicted on your body.”   
  
Her long thin fingers secured themselves around one side of Xev’s neck, holding him steady as she leveled the needle with his trapezius muscle. He didn’t even flinch when it pierced the skin. “Oh yeah? And since when did you give a shit about the trauma I inflict on my body?”   
  
“Since I’ve had to purposefully piece it back together,” Moira retorted, pushing the plunger down until the fluid had been completely depleted. She then removed the needle and wiped the small drop of blood away from Xev’s neck with an alcohol swab. “This should help speed up the recovery process for you from this point forward.”   
  
“Is this just your way of getting my ass back into work or do you just miss me that much?”   
  
Moira glared at Xev, who just grinned widely and worked his hand over the spot on his neck where the injection had been administered. Folding her arms over her chest, Moira shifted her weight on her feet, looking the man up and down. “You’re certainly more talkative than usual. I have to wonder what’s got you in such a good mood, Commander Kovock.”

“See, that’s where you’re wrong. I’m in a terrible mood, I’ll have you know,” Xev explained with a shrug, watching Moira become more and more annoyed with his carefree attitude. She was always serious and anything less grated on her every nerve.   
  
“And why’s that?”   
  
“Because instead of spending my time taking care of  _ your _ personal pet project like a good soldier, I have the absolute pleasure of being dragged into meetings that have little to no point and could have been done in an email,” Xev articulated theatrically, hands moving to illustrate his point as he spoke. “And now my neck itches. Thanks for that.”

Moira rolled her mismatched eyes and brought the palm of her hand up to her face with a sigh. “Are you finished? I’ve heard enough of your whining. You can leave.”   
  
“I’m not whining. I’m irritated, just like you are,” Xev countered a little more harshly than he had intended. “Will you at least tell me what the real reason is that you wanted me here so bad? Or am just supposed to pretend you’re doing this out of the kindness of your heart?”   
  
Xev typically wasn’t this forward with Moira, mostly because he knows it’s a losing battle, but also because he knew she wouldn’t think twice about using his body as a test tube. Irritation was a motivating factor, but the reality of the situation was that he didn’t trust Moira. Everything she did had an ulterior motive- this was no different. He knew her too well.

“If you must know, the drug I just administered has no adverse side effects that I’m aware of. It is purely as I stated earlier: A means to make the recovery process faster,” the red head explained through grit teeth. “I’m simply trying to keep you from completely destroying your body the next time you decide to run head first into trouble, you bastard.”

Xev paused, considering for a moment that for once, Moira was telling the truth. He wanted to believe there was something more to this, but the fact she had lost her composer swayed his judgement drastically. Even if she was lying, what could he do about it anyway? It’s not like he could get her fired- not with how important she was to the organization. On the other hand, since when did she care about his well being?

Xev leveled his gaze back at her and sighed longly. “I’ll believe it only because I’m not in the mood to argue with you right now, but next time, be honest with me. This works better if I know what’s going on so I can give you proper results. That’s what you want right? Results?”   
  
“As always,” Moira acknowledged. “Not only will this help your healing wounds, it will allow your body to sustain more than usual. The data you will provide will help me improve upon other treatment methods for other patients.”   
  
“... So this is actually for Reaper?”   
  
“I can’t say yes or no. That is strictly confidential,” Moira tucked her arms behind her back now, regaining her composure once more. “But it could possibly help Reaper. That is what I hope to learn from this little experiment.”

Again, Xev paused. “... Would it help Doctor de Kuiper too?”   
  
The words came out of his mouth before Xev could hope to stop them. In the back of his mind, throughout the entire meeting, he’d thought about Moira’s remark about checking on Siebren’s mind physically. He worried about the considerable dangers his powers may be having on him and what that could mean in terms of his longevity. Siebren wasn’t young after all and Xev didn’t want to think about the possibility of losing his partner so soon.   
  
Moira raised a thin brow at Xev questioningly. “You’re worried about Doctor de Kuiper?”

“Of course I am. I’m training him just like I train the others. His life is in my hands,” Xev explained, trying desperately to clear the suspicious look from her face. “If his brain’s gonna implode on itself, I need to know so I can prepare for it.”

“And what exactly would you be preparing for? Your men die on the battlefield all the time. Why is Doctor de Kuiper any different?”

Xev regretted opening his mouth now. “I care because he’s my responsibility, just as he is to you. We lose him, and all of this extra effort will be for nothing right?”   
  
“Kovock, if I had any doubt that Doctor de Kuiper would die in our care, I wouldn’t have brought him here in the first place,” Moira retorted bluntly. “He is a valuable asset to my research. I plan on keeping him as healthy as I can while also pushing his limits so that his abilities can develop to help our organization. That responsibility is mine and mine alone.”   
  
“But it’s not. You’re not the one calming him down when he’s having an episode, you aren’t making sure he eats and sleeps-”   
  
“Calm yourself, Kovock,” she interrupted, tone firm but no louder than she had been before. “I understand your concerns, but you shoulder more responsibility than you should- especially when it comes to things that do not concern you. Your job is to keep him stable and nothing more. Do I make myself explicitly clear?”

Yes, but that didn’t mean Xev would actually listen. If Moira knew that they had become involved romantically, maybe she would understand his concerns but her response to his general worry was a key indicator of how she would respond to that kind of development. He would just have to keep an eye on the older man on his own and only rely on Moira for the technical aspects of his well being.   
  
“... Understood,” Xev said defeatedly, relaxing his posture and allowing the tension to leave his shoulders.   
  
“Good, now get out of my sight. I have work to do,” Moira said dismissively as she turned her back on Xev. “I expect an update on your condition within a week.”   
  
With a nod of his head, Xev turned on his heel and left the laboratory without another word. He wondered what Siebren had been up to since he had been gone, and looked forward to the smile he would get when he walked through the front door. At the very least he had that to look forward to despite all of the paperwork he was going to have to do. But first, he needed to stop and get more cigarettes. This was going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm not going to lie. The amount of effort I had to put into this chapter was nothing compared to trying to make the word count equal 69,696... Basically what I'm saying is that I'm a child.
> 
> There's not much of Sigma in this chapter because I need to set up the next couple of sequences, but I have too much love in my heart for this man to not have at least some fluff. He deserves it. But this chapter was exceptionally hard to write because I essentially threw my outline out for this chapter in favor of something more plot heavy- which now means I have to adjust the rest of my outline which is a pain in the ass. I'm trying to keep a reasonable pace, but with everything going on with me personally, I'm taking things slower than I have been as far as writing goes. Still planning more chapters but that's way easier than trying to string things together.
> 
> I didn't mention this in my last end chapter notes but about two weeks ago, I had to go get tested for the 'rona and thankfully my results came back negative as did the rest of my family's results. It was really scary there for a moment, but we didn't develop any symptoms 10 days after exposure so we were fairly certain we didn't have it. And on top of that, we recently had to put down one of our dogs after she had what we believe to be a stroke or a seizure. It was very sad, but my friends came through and got me a cameo video from Sigma's VA essentially saying happy birthday (even though my birthday isn't until the 23rd) which was very sweet. I still smile like an idiot every time I watch it because it makes me so happy, but the cherry on top was getting money to cover my top surgery consultation, which I hope to be scheduling soon! All in all, it's been an okay time in my neck of the woods.
> 
> I hope you guys are enjoying this series as much as I am writing it. I appreciate all the comments and kudos I get immensely <3
> 
> As always follow me on twitter for updates on the fic as well as art for it!
> 
> Art twt: @hangedwires  
> Personal twt: @shinsgay


	15. Unfortunate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xev returns to the facility to discover Siebren has developed a new technique. Their celebration is short-lived.

"Hey Sieb, I'm back-" Xev said as he approached the older man from behind, stopping as he saw things floating in mid-air around him. He put a hand to the tranquilizer gun on his hip and slowly stepped closer. When he arrived at the facility, it was quiet, and Siebren was nowhere to be found. He figured that the Dutchman had occupied himself downstairs in the lab to work on his research- and he was right in his assumption, but the floating objects were a telltale sign that things were not normal. He put a hand to Siebren's shoulder, relieved when the man turned his head and smiled.

"Oh, Xev! Your timing is impeccable, I have something to show you!" Siebren exclaimed excitedly, the objects following him as he stepped towards a large looking machine to his right. His hyperspheres hovered in the middle of it, pulsing erratically with the force of the orb in the middle. "I've discovered a new property of the harness that will allow me to produce the law of attraction within it. Watch closely."

Though he wasn't entirely sure what the excitement was about, Xev followed Siebren over to the machine and watched as he was instructed. To his left, Siebren put his hands out towards the spheres- keeping enough distance to control them without touching them. After a few seconds, the hyper-spheres began to convulse spontaneously before molding together to form one large mass at the center. The smile on Siebren's face was one of pure pride and joy. 

“Woah, they’ve never done that before. What exactly did you do to make them do that?” Xev asked, unsure if that was a dumb question to ask.

"It's simple, really. The properties of a black hole allow it to swallow anything it comes in contact with. So when you put the two of them together, they will naturally conform and create a larger black hole," Siebren explained, still keeping his hands steady over the new mass. "I'm able to control the expanse of the form somewhat, but this means I've developed more control of the harness!""That's great! But uh… does this have something to do with everything… ya know, floating?" Xev pointed to some floating objects near the machine, one of which was a coffee cup with the liquid suspended just over the rim. 

Siebren looked around, surprised at just how many objects were suspended in mid-air and nervously laughing as he tried to put as many of them back in their place. The spheres split back into two entities once more. "Oh, my apologies. I suppose I got carried away."

“Not gonna lie, it scared me a little when I first came down. You usually don’t do that unless you’re having trouble.”   
  
"Ah, I'm sorry to have worried you. I find this sometimes happens when I get particularly excited, for better or worse," Siebren explained, setting a cup of pens back onto the counter. "But if the unifying theories are correct, my next experiment will provide extraordinary results."

"Sounds interesting. Care to enlighten me, or am I supposed to wait here with bated breath?" Xev teased, putting the remaining items away and wrapping an arm around Siebren's waist. He smirked as the man tensed in his embrace. Siebren wasn't used to physical affection, and neither was Xev, but it was cute to watch the scientist squirm because of it.

Siebren cleared his throat as Xev let him go, the blush growing deeper on his cheeks and creeping up towards his ears. “Y-yes um, let us continue. Please, follow me.”

The two stepped over towards the section of the lab where the training bots were. Some of them looked like they had already sustained some damage, implying that Siebren had been working on something other than his research while Xev had been away, but they were in a good enough condition to sustain a little more. Siebren adjusted his gloves and slid the gauntlet he usually wore onto his arm, locking it into place before placing a device around his head. The piece looked new and situated itself on the cybernetics just at the nape of his neck- It seamlessly connected as if it were a natural part of him.

"That's new. Or is that something Talon's built into your helmet?" Xev asked, standing a reasonable distance away to allow Siebren the room to demonstrate whatever experiment he had designed. "It's a cerebral connector. It's designed to help me concentrate on the strength of my abilities. Until recently, I haven't found a practical use for it other than that," Siebren explained, double-checking to make sure his equipment was appropriately secured. When he was satisfied, he took a deep breath. "I would advise you to stay back. While I have more control than normal, I wouldn't want you to get hurt should things go wrong."

“Sieb, I trust you. If I get hurt all the way over here, I know you didn’t do it intentionally,” Xev reassured him with a warm smile. “Now come on, show me what ya got! I’m excited to see what you came up with!”   
  
Siebren couldn’t contain the proud smile that crept upon his lips. Xev was far too kind to him, and the fact that he trusted him so easily left a warm feeling in his chest that quickly spread throughout his whole body. Love was still a foreign concept to him, but he couldn’t deny how happy little things like this made him. 

He turned his attention to the two training bots, channeling his gravitic force first in his hands, and then to the device on his head. His body rose up into the air gracefully, a blinding light emitting from the machine at the back of his head as his left hand made a lifting motion- lifting the bots up with force before bringing the same hand back down, and the bots with it. The fall's impact was powerful enough that they shattered instantly, leaving scattered debris in their wake.

Xev couldn't believe his eyes. If he wasn't mistaken, this was the same thing Siebren had used when they were extracting him from The Hague's underground facility, but more powerful. Had the scientist had this much control over his powers back then, Xev probably would have been lucky to walk away with more than just a few broken ribs. He observed Siebren lower himself back down to the ground, landing on his knees and clutching at his head in obvious pain.

"Hey, hey, you okay?" Xev asked as he rushed to the older man's side, putting a hand to his back and rubbing it soothingly. "Siebren, talk to me. I can't help if I don't know what's wrong."

Waving his hand to dispel Xev's concerns, Siebren smiled weakly down at the younger man. "I'm alright. This just takes a lot of concentration to keep under control. It often leaves me with a headache afterward." 

"Just a headache? Are you sure everything's alright? You can tell me if it's not. I won't be upset, sweetheart."To say he was worried would be an understatement. Xev had a limited understanding of Siebren's condition and an even more vague understanding of how his abilities work, but what he did know was there were apparent signs when things were going wrong. These gravitic anomalies were one of those signs, controlled or not.

" _Mijn beste_ , you worry far too much," Siebren reassured. "I would never willingly put myself, or you, in a situation where I would go too far. I will be fine, but I do believe some rest is in order for now."

"Well… If you say so. Come on, let's get you upstairs and I'll get you some pain killers," Xev said as he helped support Siebren back up to his feet. "That was really impressive, though. You've gotten so much better at controlling the direction of your abilities, and that's more than I can say for a lot of the men I've trained."

"What was it you said the other night? Flattery will get you nowhere?"

“You know I could just leave you down here to suffer on your own. How’s that for an experiment?”

"I hardly believe you'd do that to an old man like me."

"Oh, hush."

* * *

Xev managed to find his supply of low-level painkillers in his duffle upstairs, bringing them down and handing the bottle to Siebren. He thanked him with a smile and a nod, swallowing a few pills down quickly and chasing it with a glass of water. 

"How was the meeting? Anything interesting to note?" He asked, setting the now empty glass to the side. Xev hadn't had an opportunity to talk about what they discussed in the Council meeting since he came back- but in his defense, he was wildly distracted.

"It was alright. We didn't end up coming to a satisfying conclusion, however. There are still too many loose ends for us to begin operations in Russia, so we have to play the waiting game until they're sure up.""How odd. You would think the Council would have seen those loose ends before discussing their next move."

"Yeah, which is what's frustrating. Luckily it's nothing glaring, but we're gonna be sitting tight for a little while longer."

Xev was purposefully leaving the portion about Angela out of his recount of the meeting, not wanting to frustrate himself any more than he already was. "But we'll get it handled. Sombra and I will need to work together to get some information on a former contractor of mine, I think."

Siebren raised a thick brow at that. "One of your former contractor's? What could they have to do with Talon's operations?"

"It's… complicated," Xev said with a huff, flexing his fingers around his own glass of water. He wishes he knew for a certainty that his theory was correct- that Maximov was one of his targets many years ago, but that would imply that he never finished the job. And that was unlikely. "One of the guys getting in our way, I believe, is someone I was once contracted to kill. He's got ties to Katya Volskya and Volskya Industries. He's been supplying her with the means to rework her mecha technology- but he's also on the United Nations Board For Omnic Rights, which makes it especially suspicious."

"I see… And I suppose it's up to you to determine whether this information is relevant or not?"

Xev nodded, sipping generously from his glass. "There's a possibility that this contractor can give us information, but they could also be dead."

“And that complicates things even further,” Siebren responded as he rested his arms upon the counter of the bar, leaning forward a bit as he contemplated the information. It seemed to him that things were being skewed in a way that left the organization with no choice but to act hastily- of which Siebren was not a fan of, from a scientist’s perspective. What was worse was that this meant Xev would have to be pulling more weight than he should, despite technically being on a medical leave of absence. “And your meeting with Doctor O’Deorain?”   
  
Xev shrugged. “Not much happened there. She administered some kind of experimental drug that’s supposed to help me heal faster. I wanna say it’s the same stuff they gave soldiers in the SEP program years ago, but I can’t say for sure.”

“And you’re okay with that? Knowing full well that the side effects could be irreversible?”

"You ask as if I have a choice in the matter, Sieb." Another sip from Xev's glass left it empty. "Moira says jump, I'm not supposed to ask questions. It's her way or the highway, and quite frankly, I don't want to be the subject of a missin' person's obituary any time soon."

It occurred to Siebren that perhaps he had misunderstood the nature of Xev and Moira's relationship. He naively thought that his willingness to help Doctor O'Deorain was purely of his own will, but now he sees it as an obligation. The younger man was practically at her mercy, it seemed, and something about that didn't sit well with him. 

"Well, I'm glad it wasn't something more serious. I worried that perhaps something had gone wrong with your surgery," Siebren articulated as he stood up from his seat and made his way over to Xev. "I've grown too fond of your company to lose it so soon."

"That right? I think you're awfully generous," Xev teased, setting his glass to the side to wrap his arms about Siebren's waist and smiling cheekily. "Never would have pegged you for the romantic type."

"Nor would I have thought that of you, but you seem to be receptive. Or is it too much?"

Pausing and humming as if he were thinking deeply about the question, Xev turned his head to look Siebren in the eye. The amount of adoration he held for Siebren grew the longer he spent time with him. It was strange having strong feelings like this for someone, let alone someone he'd only known for a little under a year- but there was something about Siebren that drew Xev in right from the start, and he would be hard-pressed to put his finger on it.

Xev stepped up on his toes to place a gentle kiss on Siebren's lips, smiling and pulling away enough to speak. "I think yer holdin' back on me, sweetheart."

Siebren softly returned the kiss, bringing his hands up to cup Xev’s face gently and caressing his thumbs across the curves of his cheekbones. Their eyes closed, lips moving against each other’s delicately- a comfortable cadence setting their pace.

“Looks like you two are getting along nicely.”   
  
Xev’s eyes shot open, pulling away from Siebren to look around the room and finding Sombra with a shit-eating grin on her face as she looked between the two of them. Siebren had frozen out of fear, blue eyes looking between the Latina and his partner frantically. The shock had settled over both of them as if their feet were bolted to the floor.   
  
No one had said anything about Sombra dropping in for a visit- though that didn't necessarily mean anything. Sombra had a penchant for appearing at her convenience, both on and off the field. It was irritating then, but even more so now.

"Sombra, I can explain," Xev finally spoke up, taking a step towards the purple-headed woman with caution. "It's not what you-"

"Oh, I think it's exactly what it looks like, amigo," Sombra responded playfully as she laughed. "You should see the look on both of your faces. You look like you've seen a ghost."

Siebren couldn't bring himself to say anything out of sheer fear of making things worse- this was his worst fear becoming a reality right in front of his eyes. Even with Sombra's joking tone, anxiety wracked his body all the same.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to rat you out. Besides, what's the harm? You both seem to be happy, right?" Sombra explains as she steps up to Xev's side, playfully ribbing him in the ribs. "I think someone was right."

"Fuck off, come on. You could have at least warned me that you were coming," Xev retorted snarkily as he pushed her away. "You don't have to sneak around like you're on some kind of mission all the time, you know."

Sombra laughed again, then waved a long finger at him. "See, I did warn you. You just haven't checked your comms lately. But I can see you were busy."

" _Sombra..._ "

"Relax, your secret is safe with me. This might be a good thing both of you," Sombra explains with a flourish of her hands towards the two of them. "Besides, it's much more fun to tease you two love birds like this."

Sighing dramatically, Xev pinches the bridge of his nose. Sombra was not going to let this go, not on Xev's life. He would have to deal with her relentless teasing for the rest of his days, and whatever point she came to make had been superseded by her inability to take things seriously. "Will you please get to the point before I have a heart attack?"

Sombra waved her hand nonchalantly, taking a seat at the bar and resting her arms on its edge with a satisfied smirk. "I'm just here to check on you, amigo. I know you were at the meeting this morning with Max. I take it you know more about the Russia operation?"

"Barely. We have to connect some things before we're ready to move along with anything involving Katya Volskya- but you probably knew that already too," Xev responded bluntly as he crossed his arms, trying to still his rapidly beating heart. "I get the feeling this whole idea was yours to begin with."

"Nothing gets past you, does it?" Sombra said. "I've had my eye on Ms. Volskya for a while, but wasn't able to arrange a meeting under normal circumstances."

“And what exactly do you want from her?”   
  
“Just a powerful friend. Can you imagine being friends with the most powerful woman in all of Russia? The connections she must have would probably surprise you.”

Xev shook his head. "Not likely. I know she has connections to Maximov of the United Nations. I believe I was supposed to kill him once before."

"That explains why Maximilien wanted me to double my efforts into looking into his affairs. Do you have a lead on who you would have been contracted by?"

"Not entirely, but I have an idea if you wanna sink your teeth into it."

Sombra chuckled lightly, flexing her fingers to bring up her database before their very eyes. "You should know by now that I'm always ready for this kind of thing."

Stepping over to Sombra's side to get a better look at the holoscreen, Xev settled himself against the edge alongside her. The guy he had in mind would be hard to track down under reasonable means, but with her help, it would be somewhat easier- or so he hoped. "Pull up what you have on me then- and don't lie because I know how you are. Nothing you bring up will surprise me at this rate."

As Sombra began to pull up the information she had, Xev cast his gaze back over to Siebren, who stood awkwardly in the same place he had frozen just moments ago. "Sieb, you alright? I promise Sombra's not gonna bite."

"I… trust your judgment. I believe I'm still just shocked is all," Siebren responded quietly, the tension in his shoulders slowly releasing as he spoke. He hadn't expected something like this to frighten him as much, but that was the problem with the unknown- he had no way of controlling it. Even if Xev trusted Sombra to keep their secret, he had a hard time believing the younger woman. He didn't know her like he knew Xev. "Is there anything I can do that might help? I feel as though I'm intruding."

"Not particularly, but I appreciate ya askin'," Xev responded with a smile to put Siebren's mind at ease. "Although I'm not going to lie, some of the stuff she's going to pull up on me ya might not wanna hear."

"... I'm not sure I understand."

Before Xev could open his mouth to explain, Sombra had already pulled up a list of Xev's former contractors and job descriptions. The file was long and detailed- all jobs, big or small, were chronologically listed in an organized fashion. "Kidnapping, espionage, government sabotage… I can go on if you want to know more."

Xev glared at Sombra out of the corner of his eye, elbowing her side to quiet her. This wasn't a conversation he had wanted to have with Siebren so soon, let alone with Sombra's instigation stirring the pot. There were several things he had done in his past that he wasn't particularly proud of, and explaining them to someone who had barely dipped his feet into the world of underground terrorism would be difficult.

Siebren didn't respond at first, which worried Xev even more than he already was. "Look, if you don't wanna hear about this, I won't blame ya. I'm not a perfect guy. I've done some fucked up shit in my life-""I understand, Xev. You were simply following orders, yes?"

Xev blinked out of confusion. That wasn't the response he expected, but he couldn't complain- less explaining on his end, for now. "... We'll talk more about it later. Go ahead, Sombra, give me what you've got."

"Way ahead of you, amigo," the Latina responded as she scrolled down to a particular entry with the name Pietro attached to it. "December twenty-sixth, 2057. Pietro Michailovich of Tyumen contracted you as bodyguard personnel for his excursion to Moscow. That ringing any bells for you?"

"It does. It was the first time I had ever stepped foot in Russian territory," Xev explained as his eyes skimmed over the document detailing his obligations to the mission. "He was the head of the Russian Nuclear Administration many years ago. I wanna say that's what he was still doing when he contracted me, but I can't remember for sure."

"I don't have anything on him right now, but it's possible," Sombra responded, flipping through the document. "Says he was the target for multiple assassination attempts after the crisis, so he hired you to protect him and deal with any further attempts on his life."

Xev wracked his brain, trying desperately to remember any critical details of that particular job. He remembers the hotel he was put up in for a few months, how nice it was, and a woman he believed to be Michailovich's wife. She used to sit and talk with Xev on car rides and would always offer to feed him only the "best" Russian food- something about Americans consuming too much sugar to genuinely appreciate a good meal. "I think he was married too. I remember a woman traveling with us a lot, and she wasn't a secretary or an agent of his."

Pulling up another screen to the left of the one she had already made, Sombra began to search her records for anyone with the last name Michailovich. "Aha, there you are. This her?"

The image she pulled up was of a woman with long dark brown hair and bright blue eyes: Annika Michailovich. Her face was rounded, the wrinkles at the corners of her eyes and mouth indicated that she was older- in her late fifties if he had to guess. "Yeah, that's her. What's her angle?"

"She is currently widowed and seeking refuge in Germany by the look of it," Sombra responded as she pulled up a news article about her loss of Russian citizenship. "She's been on the run for quite some time. The article doesn't say why, but I'm willing to bet it had something to do with her late husband."

"Do you think she killed him?" Sombra shrugged. "It's possible. I wouldn't know for sure without getting into the actual government database. Russia is notorious for keeping information away from its citizens, as I'm sure you know."

"Right, well, at least we have a lead," Xev said with a light sigh, straightening himself back upright. "I'll let you handle it from here. Max wants an update by the end of the week. Think you can swing that for me while I get the paperwork for the operation settled?"

"I've got it under control. Don't you worry your pretty little head about a thing," Sombra responded teasingly, bringing a finger up to lightly press on Xev's nose. She swiped her hand across the second screen, making it disappear and was in the process of closing the second one when she paused abruptly. "Hey, you know Moira's got you down for some updates, right?"  
  
Xev looked closer at the screen where Sombra indicated. A report had been made earlier that morning, by Moira herself no less, for a proposed "update" to his cybernetics. The implants ran from his eyes and down the length of his spine and required these "updates" every few years- but it wasn't a pleasant or easy process. In fact, it was borderline torture on most occasions. "Ah, fuck me..."

Siebren, who had remained quiet throughout the conversation until this point, finally spoke up at the apparent distress in Xev's tone. "Is everything alright? I thought she called on you this morning."

"She did, but she didn't mention any of this," Xev said, eyes skimming the rest of the report. "What's this shit about dark matter?"

"Beats me. Probably some kind of experimental thing she's developed. She does love using you as her personal guinea pig, after all."

"Pardon?" Siebren questioned, now fully involved in the conversation whether he wanted to be or not. There were so many things he didn't understand that he wasn't sure where to start asking questions- but judging by the way Xev had instantly tensed up, none of this was a good sign. "She experiments on her own men?"

"No, just me. It's… complicated." Xev taps the red pieces around his eyes, the line dissecting them, leading back towards his ear and down his neck. "I'm sure you've wondered about these things here, yeah?"

Siebren nodded. 

"They're implants of some kind. I've seen them before, but their uses can be varied.""Right, well, these function as a sort of… fail-safe. I have 'em down my back too, and they're wired directly to my central nervous system," Xev explains, motioning over his shoulder. "Think of it like a very taught leash. If, for whatever reason, Talon thinks I would betray them or leak information, they can easily activate these, and I'd be done for."

Sombra remained quiet throughout the explanation. Back when Xev had joined Talon, there were no concrete ways of dealing with rogue agents- and there were many of them that came up over the years. Part of the reason she had been contracted by the organization in the first place was to help develop a system to keep information from getting released without them having to waste other resources hunting people down individually. It was her fault these implants existed in the first place.  
  
"A few years ago, there was a particular incident that forced Talon's hand into implementing this system," Xev continued, purposefully avoiding eye contact with Siebren, so he didn't have to see the worry on his partner's face. "A man by the name of Jean-Baptiste Augustin left the organization during one of his missions. He was a combat medic, one of our best actually, and we had a lot of trouble tracking him down. While he wasn't integral to the organization like I am, he still posed a threat to the organization and therefore needed to be dealt with."

Baptiste was not one of the men Xev had trained personally, but he had been on many missions with him and his partner Mauga. According to Mauga, Baptiste had mysteriously disappeared during their combat mission to Monte Cristi, and no one had seen it coming. "Unfortunately, even with all the developmental technology we have, we haven't been able to find him. My guess is that he moves locations frequently, but that's beside the point."

"Ever since then, we've had to secure our assets. It's a way to keep us in line, in other words," Xev concluded with a heavy sigh as he propped his chin upon his palm. "It's just one of the obligations to the job. Can't argue with it, can't get rid of 'em."

The look of worry on Siebren's face only grew grimmer the longer Xev explained the implants' reasoning. It was horrifying to think that he could lose Xev simply because the organization doesn't need him anymore- or never finding him should he be captured by enemies. Even more horrifying was the fact this was ethically allowed to happen within such an upstanding organization.

"That's… inhumane," Siebren said quietly, breath caught in his throat like a lump that wouldn't come up no matter how hard he tried. "You would never do something like that. Why would they put one of their assets at risk like this?"

"Siebren… Look, I don't like it either, but it's what I signed up for when I took this job," Xev said simply. "I'm just as at risk of dying on the field as I am standing here. I'd never compromise the organization, but I can't speak for everyone. If information gets out to the wrong people, we could easily be attacked and wiped out. It makes sense, even if it is… somewhat unethical."

While Siebren could argue that that was grounds enough to not ever implement such a system, he knew it would be a losing battle. There was so much about this organization that he wasn't aware of, and he quickly realized that it should stay that way- least he learned something he wished he hadn't.

Sombra stretched her arms up over her head and yawned loudly next to Xev. “Well, that’s all I needed from you. I should probably head back and give Maximilien an update.”   
  
“Yeah. And Sombra I mean it, not a word about any of this or I will find you and-”   
  
"I'm not going to say anything to anyone. It doesn't benefit me in the slightest," Sombra cut Xev off as she stood up from her seat. "But, I was right, you know."

Xev shot Sombra a look that had her back peddling instantly. When the door to the facility closed shut, Xev let out the breath he had been holding for so long. It felt like he had held it since the moment she made her presence known. He looked up to see that Siebren had already made his way back down to the laboratory, leaving him alone in the kitchen. Realistically, he should go check on Siebren and talk with him about everything. He deserved to know and understand what exactly was going on, if not because Xev was his partner, but they were colleagues. Many risks had to be taken to ensure things ran smoothly within Talon, and none of it was exactly pretty, but there was nothing that could be done about it. 

Somethings were just unfortunate.

  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew boy. This took way longer than I had intended and thankfully I was able to edit it without too many issues. 
> 
> This was more plot heavy than anything and while it might be kind of a pain to read, it's gonna set up the next few chapters pretty well and I personally am excited for it. We're going to get more romance stuff in as time goes on, rest assured, but believe it or not there's more to this story than just this ship. Hard to believe this started out as just my genuine thirst for a 7 foot tall, 62 year old scientist and now I have a whole ass headcanon.
> 
> In personal news, my sister is coming to visit for a while which means I'm gonna be preoccupied with spending time with her. Not only that but because of some recent events, I'm having to rest my hands as much as possible due to swelling and bruising on my knuckles and wrists. I have a couple of hairline fractures throughout both hands and I kind of talked about it on twitter already. I promise things are okay, I'll make a good recovery in due time but I need to take it as easy as possible for the next few weeks. That means little to no writing or planning sadly :(
> 
> Also we hit 200 hits! I'm so glad people are giving this fic a chance because not only am I really proud of my OC, I wish Sigma got more love. He deserves it ;;
> 
> As always I appreciate any comments and kudos! If you want more updates on how the fic is going or wanna see art, check out my stuff on twitter!
> 
> Art twt: @hangedwires  
> Personal twt: @shinsgay


	16. Untimely Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Siebren confronts Xev about the specifics of his job. He's not pleased with what he hears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Graphic depictions of torture (briefly) and brief mentions of PTSD

The door to Xev's room being pushed open broke him from his fourth attempt at rereading the same line. He had given up writing his reports hours ago- unable to focus and frustrated by the tediousness of it all. Instead, he retired to his room and curled up with his copy of _Blood Meridian_ \- thinking that would be enough to get his mind off everything that had happened earlier. Siebren hadn't made an attempt to speak to him after Sombra had left just added to his long list of problems.

"I hope I didn't wake you," Siebren said as he stepped into the room and sat on the edge of the bed. He looked exhausted- pale blue eyes hooded and lips set in a frown.

"Nah, I just came up here to read. I wanted to let ya be for a bit if you needed to process some stuff," Xev responded, dog-earing the page he had been stuck on and setting the book on the bedside table. "I tried to get some work done but didn't get anywhere. How about you?"

"Unfortunately, no. I know it will come to me eventually, but this evening has proven more frustrating than fruitful."

Xev frowned, guilt wracking his body once again. Of course, Siebren couldn't focus- he was only told that the person he claimed to adore wasn't the perfect, kind human being he thought them to be. Even without the horrific details, it had to be hard to stomach for someone who wasn't desensitized to violence like Xev was.

"Sieb… Listen, I don't wanna make ya talk about it if you don't want to. But I would like to explain myself if you'll let me," Xev said, letting his fingers gently ghost over the back of Siebren's hand. "I want you to trust me, not just as a colleague but as your partner. You have a right to know things about me that no one else knows. But ya gotta start askin' questions so I can answer 'em."

Siebren knew that. He had wanted to say something earlier when Sombra opened her mouth about all of this, but for the sake of peace, he quietly agreed. It wasn't the smartest decision, as it would consume every thought he would have for the remainder of the evening. "I'm not entirely sure where to start."

"That's… fair. Let me phrase it like this then: Do you want to know the worst of it, or do you want me to build-up to that?"

Siebren paused, pursing his lips in thought. "... What is the worst thing you think you've done?"

That was a hard question to answer- it depended on who you asked. In Xev's career, he'd been asked to do several increasingly abhorrent things, and only ten percent of them he could honestly say he would never do. It wasn't something he was particularly proud of, but the blame fell entirely on him- a burden he would have to carry for the rest of his life.

Xev rubbed the back of his neck nervously, trying to find an honest answer to Siebren's question. "I wanna say kidnapping children is the worst thing I've ever done, but… There's something worse, I think."

Siebren didn't respond, staring down at their hands that were barely touching at this point.

"Back when I first joined Talon, I was at Reaper's mercy, twenty-four seven. I did whatever he asked me to do when he asked me to do it. If I didn't, there's no telling what he would have done to mutilate my body," Xev began, purposefully avoiding eye contact with the older man as he spoke. A specific instance came to mind as he recalled the early years of his training, one with a blonde woman strapped to a chair, begging him for mercy as he slowly removed each of her fingers.

"He wanted me to prove my loyalty, make sure I understood that I belonged to them. I don't remember her name or why she was being held captive, but… it was my job to torture her. Not for information or anything like that. Just because Reaper wanted to see her suffer."

Xev felt Siebren's hand tense under his, and his breath hitched. Slipping his fingers between the older man's, he squeezed lightly, as if that would do anything to lessen the blow he was about to deliver. "I severed all of her fingers one by one, and when she would be on the brink of blacking out from the pain, I'd drop a bucket of ice water over her to keep her awake. Then I moved on to her toes."

He remembers her screams all too clearly, echoing off the walls as the blood pooled at her feet. It was just the two of them in the room, but on the other side of the thick pane of glass, Xev knew Reaper was watching. "When I ran out of those, Reaper wanted me to "get creative." He put a scalpel in my hand, and watched as I gouged her eyes out, severing them from the optic nerve. It was horrible."

Long fingers curled harshly into the back of Xev's hand, a light tremor accompanying the pressure. Siebren couldn't bring himself to look at Xev as he explained- every articulation of detail stirring the pit in his stomach. The scariest part of it wasn't that his partner, someone he had come to trust and adore, had done such an evil thing, but he found himself feeling sympathetic for the younger man. If the act itself made Xev a monster, then what did that make him if he sympathized?

"I didn't want to do it, Sieb, but it's like I told ya: You don't get to just leave Talon. It stays with you, follows you," Xev continued, responding to the pressure in his hand with his own. "I can still hear her screams in my nightmares. It'll haunt me for the rest of my life, and I have to live with what I did."

"I… I believe you," Siebren responded, finally. "Just give me a moment to process, please."

Xev nodded, giving Siebren's hand another squeeze to say, "take your time." He couldn't blame him for needing a minute to think- hell, stirring up these memories had his own stomach in knots. It was only thanks to his busy schedule and the years of repeated violence that allowed him to push it to the back of his mind, and he would do everything in his power to keep them there. But for Siebren's sake, he felt obligated to go digging.

Siebren's hiccups caught Xev's attention, forcing him to sit up and put a hand to his back. He gently rubbed his broad shoulder, trying to coax him one way or another on his emotions. He wanted desperately to take everything back, forget this conversation had ever happened- but this would have happened sooner or later. The pieces would just have to be picked up later. "Sieb…"

"I don't understand how Reaper could force someone to do something so… so… _Evil_ ," Siebren articulated between deep breathes, an attempt to stop the stream of tears threatening to spill from his water lines. "And it pains me to know you suffered for his sick desires. Has he no remorse or empathy?"

Xev shook his head. "People like him don't know the meaning of the word remorse, Sieb. There's a reason why he's got the nickname "The Angel Of Death." He walks the battlefield killing indiscriminately, cackling with every blast of his shotguns."

"... I suppose I can understand, but that still doesn't make it right."

"Never said it was darlin'," Xev responded, pressing his lips to Siebren's temple in a soft kiss. "Do you want me to stop?"

Stop explaining or stop doing the horrendous things he had just described? Siebren wanted to say yes to both, but he knew it wasn't that simple. "I apologize if I have made you uncomfortable. I know this must be hard for you to talk about, just as it is for me to hear about it."

"Yeah, well… I can manage. I just want you to understand that I'm not perfect, Siebren. I never have been, never will be," Xev said solemnly. There was no redemption for anything that he had done throughout his career- no amount of begging and pleading would save him from whatever divine judgment awaited him in the after-life. "But I made this choice, now I gotta lay with it."

Siebren was quiet for a moment, then lifted his head to meet Xev's gaze. There was pain written in his expression, evident in the deep-set frown and the crease of his brow. "... Do you ever think about what it would be like if it never happened?" 

Xev blinked at the question. If he were honest, he hadn't given it much thought- too busy trying to keep things in order and keep himself afloat to reconsider his life decisions. "I mean, there's nothing I can do to change it now. Are you asking if I regret what I've done?"

"It may be presumptuous of me to think of it this way, but I can't help but relate your circumstances to my own," Siebren explained. "I often find myself thinking about the experiment that cost me my sanity. I think about how different things could have been if I had never attempted it in the first place."

"Yeah? Do you regret trying, or do you regret the failure more?"

Siebren paused, turning his head slightly and averting his gaze to the ceiling. "... The failure. I was so certain that I had it- it was right there, mine for the taking. But the field failed. Everything after is a blur."

Xev had never asked about Siebren's accident's specifics before- partly because it wasn't his business to know, but because he knew it was a sore spot for the scientist. He'd read about in the various files Sombra had provided, of course, but the only thing he could ever glean from them was that it happened on Horizon Lunar Colony many years ago. The rest was science mumbo-jumbo that he'd never hope to understand.

"I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I don't think you would have been satisfied if you hadn't tried it," Xev said, fingers lightly scratching Siebren's back. "It was traumatic, sure, but… you wouldn't know what you know now if you hadn't gone through it, right?"

Siebren nodded slowly. "I suppose that's one way of looking at it."

"At least you have that to gain from your trauma. The only thing I have to show for it is a title. I'm just some low life murderer without that," Xev said. "I'm not saying to be grateful for it, because I know it did more harm than good… at least be positive about it. We wouldn't have met if it weren't for it, after all."

Moving closer and leaning forward, Xev rested his head on Siebren's shoulder comfortably. He felt compelled to be touching the man as much as possible, seeking even the smallest amount of affection to keep him grounded. "I know I don't regret that. Not for a second."

Siebren slipped his hand free from Xev's, moving his arm around Xev's form with a light-hearted sigh. "Nor I, _mijn beste_. I just wish the circumstances were different, that's all."

Xev could sympathize- these weren't ideal circumstances to be romantically involved with anyone, let alone someone like the two of them. "I don't know how we would have met in the world if not for this damned organization. Not like I could have ever traveled to The Netherlands without this job."  
  
Smiling softly, Siebren pressed his lips to Xev's forehead gently. "That's true, though I would love to take you there someday. Amsterdam is quite beautiful."

"I know I've been twice. Though I didn't get to do much of any sightseeing," Xev responded with a grin. "I thought the boathouses were cool, but I always wondered how people had running water in those things."

"Is that the only take away you took from your brief visits?"

Xev hummed thoughtfully. "Hmm, nope. I remember being distinctly fascinated by a couple of museums, but I never got to go in them. We'll call it a date once we get through all of this mess. I'm overdue for a vacation anyway."

Siebren laughed, no longer as concerned as he once was- the tension easing from his face and shoulders. Though things were far from perfect, he was able to find comfort in Xev's honesty and be at peace- for now. "I believe that can be arranged. I could show you so many things in the Netherlands. It would be wonderful."

Xev hummed thoughtfully. "As long as food's included in that tour, I don't mind. You'll just have to keep your head down while we're there; otherwise, we'll run into more trouble than it's worth."

"I think you'll be the one that needs to stay out of trouble if this conversation has taught me anything."

"Ha, you'll be lucky if I ever leave the hotel room."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... This is a short one.
> 
> I apologize but if I tried to cram the next sequence into this chapter it would have been too long and hard to follow. So I opted to just leave this chapter where it is and start fresh on the next one. It's important I think for everyone to understand that while this is primarily a work of romance fiction, I am not at all trying to romanticize the whole "being a fictional terrorist" at all. Nothing that Xev has done can ever be forgiven, and even if he was "only following orders" that doesn't necessarily make him a good person. Just wanna make that abundantly clear.
> 
> In personal news, I've been quite busy this past month. My sister has decided to move in with us down here in good ol' yeehaw land so we've had to do some cramming to fit her stuff here at my current residence until we can find our own place to go- which hopefully is soon. We've got an appointment on Thursday for a place that's fairly cheap and I'm super excited about it. Keep your fingers crossed for us!
> 
> I'm also pleased to announce my top surgery consultation has been scheduled for late this month! I'm in the process of getting my letters together and if everything goes well, I could be going into surgery in December. I'm excited and relieved at the same time, but also a little nervous... but I'm keeping my head up. This is a surgery I've wanted for years and to finally have the ball rolling is such a great feeling. Especially knowing that I can come home to a stress free environment and just vibe out in a body that matches what I see in my head.
> 
> Hopefully the next update won't take as long, but I appreciate your patience! I've just been incredibly busy personally and once I get a few things sorted, I'll be able to comfortably write again. I still need to do some more planning but at this point in time, I have all the way to chapter 20 planned out. Hope you guys are well and are still enjoying this fic!
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated! Follow me on twitter for fic updates!
> 
> Art twt: @HangedWires  
> Personal twt: @shinsgay

**Author's Note:**

> There's going to be time skips and flashbacks, all of which I will indicate appropriately, but for the time being, know that this story takes place mostly during the events of Overwatch- so around the year 2075. I plan on updating this either every week or every other week. Updates are entirely dependent on my motivation and inspiration which comes and goes. I appreciate any comments and constructive crit I get on any of my works and of course, kudos and comments help quite a bit.
> 
> I also would like to point out that this is the same Xev from my two one-shots, but this story has no affiliation to those shorts as of this moment. I may incorporate them at some point, but don't count on it. I really wanted to test out the idea for this OC first before dedicating myself to a long fic. So keep that in mind when reading.


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